Pete Wentzy is Sooooo Romantic

Know what Pete Wentzy got his bride-to-be for a wedding present? A giant bee made of Legos. Seriously. And she liked it, I guess. These two dumbasses were made for each other.

According to Splash News Online: Pete commissioned artist Nathan Sawaya to make the "Lego Bee" which measures 26ins by 47ins by 36ins and is made from about 18,000 standard Lego bricks. New York based Nathan said: "I was commissioned to create a bee. Why a bee? Because it is romantic of course. "In Hindu myth, Kama, the god of love, has a bow and arrows, and the bow string is made up of bees. In the ancient Greek world the bee symbolized the soul because they migrated in swarms. And the Roman god of love, Cupid, is often pictured with bees or being stung. "I made this bee for a boy who wanted to give his girl a special wedding gift.

Whatever. I still say these douches are retarded.

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Clay Gayken is Not Gay!

He has given us proof! He knocked up the chick in this photo! Nevermind the fact that his alleged penis never went anywhere near her vagina.

The lady is his best friend, 50-year-old Jaymes Foster, sister to David Foster, a big-time music producer. She's also a producer and produced several of Gayken's records. Rumor is she got herself knocked up with his semen by aritificial insemination and she's due sometime in August. He plans on taking an active role in the child's life.

This is something that every gay dude does with their best friend/fag hag. You know after they make a pact - "if I'm not married and you don't have a boyfriend we'll have a kid." Yeah, this does not make him straight. Try again, Clay!

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Jacko Likes Watching Grown Men Beat Each Other Up

According to Splash News Online that dude whom you can barely see in the background is Michael Jackson ringside at last weekend's UFC fight wherein Tito Ortiz lost miserably. Isn't the UFC a little old for the Jacko? Perhaps he's expanding his horizons. Tell me why that thought creeps me out...

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Sarah Larson Got Dumped

In case you don't know who the crap Sarah Larson is, she was the golddigger engaged to George Clooney. I'm sorry, that was mean. She was the cocktail waitress trying to marry a rich guy for his money. There, that's better.

InTouch: George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating. According to a friend of Sarah's, the Leatherheads star recently moved out of his LA home while the 29-year-old former Las Vegas cocktail waitress removed her belongings. "George is relieved to be single again," says an insider. "He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her." As In Touch previously reported, George, 47, and Sarah struggled to make their relationship work because of their different backgrounds. "The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down," explains the insider. George's rep told In Touch: "I can only confirm that we have never commented on George's personal life."

Ha his spokeswhore has a sense of humor. How cute. Anywho, I was wondering how long this little romance was going to last. Georgie is a playa, yo.

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Simpson-Wentzy Shiz

Just want to get this news out of the way in one post since these freaks are related.

Pete Wentzy confirmed on his bassist's website that he and Ashlee are expecting. Duh.

"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family."

Whatever. That poor kid is screwed already.

In other Simpson family stupidity, apparently Chestica and Tony Romo are really still together. Tony just has one big stipulation: that Papa Joe mind his own damn business.

A source tells The Chicago Sun-Times: "'He did agree to go to Ashlee's wedding -- keeping his promise to Jessica. But he made it super-clear that if they were to give it another go, her dad had to seriously back off.''

Apparently someone didn't read the contract he signed allowing him to get with the favorite Simpson daughter - Papa Joe can do whatever the hell he wants.

Hey Tony - don't look in the closet next time you and Boobs are doing the nasty. You know Papa Joe totally sits in there with a tissue and bottle of baby oil. I'm just saying!

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See? I Was Right. He's Going to Rehab.

Did you know Gary Dourdan was in Aliens: Resurrected? Hey me neither. I was flipping through the cable the other day and thought "Hey! That's Warrick with dreads!"

Anyways. He isn't going to jail, just rehab. Color me shocked.

He plead guity to possession of cocaine and ecstacy and was told he was to complete a drug treatment program then the charges would be dropped. Damn that's light! I need to move to California.

Says Gary's lawyer: "He very much regrets what happened and he's very embarrassed by what occurred, but he's looking forward to moving on and getting back to work. He is very grateful to the court for being understanding and giving him an opportunity to resolve the issue and move forward."

After he gets himself all better he needs to head back over to CSI. Because I don't know how I would survive without the man-loving between Warrick and Nick Stokes. It's gonna suck next season without that or the older-lady-with-botox thing he had going on with Catherine. Hey shut up that show is my crack and I'm addicted like Amy Winehouse any day of the week.

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Tito Brings Old Vagina to UFC After-Fight Party

Or Jenna Jameson. Whatever you want to call her.

He seems to be in good spirits for a dude who just lost his last fight in the UFC before announcing his retirement. That suit is really...red. She looks...like a tired porn star, what else is new. Ah well I've seen her worse.

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Sharon Stone is an Asshole

The blurry thing over her crotchal area is covering up the fact that Sharon Stone is airing out her mangy vagina. If you care to see that sort of thing, I'm sure the original picture is still on IDLYITW somewhere. Or you could just go rent Basic Instinct 2. I think she flashes the old pussy in that piece of trash a couple times.

Anywho, she's an asshole. Remember the earthquakes in China? So far they've killed 67,183, injured more than 300,000, 15 million people have lost their homes, and nearly 21,000 are unaccounted for. But hey, don't feel sorry for them. It's their own fault giant earthquakes shook them up, according to Stone.

"I'm not happy about the way that the Chinese are treating the Tibetans because I don't think anyone should be unkind to anyone else," she told reporters at Cannes. "And so I have been very concerned about how to think and what to do because I don't like that." She said she's also been wondering how the United States should handle the Olympics because China is "not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who's a good friend of mine." When the earthquake hit, Stone wondered if it was a case of what goes around, comes around. "Then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you're not nice, that the bad things happen to you?"

So yeah. Asshole. Not that I especially liked her in the first place, but this just puts that in stone. Remember that karma thing you were talking about, bitch? It works both ways. That's all I'm sayin.'

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Did She Escape?

Katie-Kate Holmes is in NYC preparing for her first role on Broadway, and apparently, the midget isn't there with her! The original rumor is that she and Suri were gonna go on their own to do a trial separation from the mothership because shit wasn't going so well. But then I'd heard he was going, but now he's not there? Could it be? Is she free from the creepy?

Probably not. He'll be there soon to check on her programming.

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They Overpaid for this Trash

TMZ is reporting that Ashlee and Pete Wentzy made $1.4 million for their wedding photos being on the cover of People magazine. Well let's be honest here - that was Papa Joe who pocketed that cash. Anywho, the cover was contingent on one thing: Chestica and her newly ex-boyfriend Tony Romo showed up. So Papa Joe had to split that cash with Romo so he'd show up.

But that's why there's that lovely drunken photo of Chestica in an inlet picture. People apparently give a shit about her, but nobody cares about Ashlee and her Emo Bride.

Color me shocked.

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Those Poor Hogans

Stupid orange freaks. They're all stupid asses, I've decided.

Brooke Hogan got into an accident and sadly, is all right and didn't sustain any injuries. She did blog about it on her MySpace, then promptly removed the stupidity. But Michael K at DListed posted it in its entirety so we can giggle together:

What happened to my brother and our friend John was horrible and very hard for both of our families. But I truly believe my brother and John saved My life and my best friends life.... I don't know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves... As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn't have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight. I have to thank my brother and my best friend John for teaching me an important lesson that saved our lives.

I know that because my family is under a microscope, the turn of unfortunate events are magnified and seem like they just keep on coming...And having everyone watching and commenting on our life is extremely hard. If I could stop it I would because it feels terrible. We try to stay away from it but can't help that its shoved in our faces. So please, if youre a supporter, please spread the good around cause its nice to have friends when things go awry. And for the haters, Im sure we're not the only ones you're hurting. I would hope people are never this mean to you because it makes things so much harder......You're human and so are we. Nothing different.

God Bless

Someone give this bitch an award. Once again she has to bitch about how "mean" we all are to her stupid brother. In case anyone has forgotten, that asshole got drunk, decided to drive his stupid penis replacement car, get into an illegal street race with another asshole, crash his car, and put his friend in an irreversable coma. Wow, life is hard for Nick, isn't it? Oh yeah it's rough. Poor baby had to give up 8 whole months in jail.

In case you're wondering, all respect I had for this douche is now gone.

TMZ got ahold of a couple taped phone coversations Nick had with his parents in jail. In one he is whining to his mommy about how horrible jail is and how he doesn't even have a window. He also goes on to bitch that he doesn't think it's fair that he's in jail for a "car accident." Seriously. Want to hear that stupidity? Go here. Yes, he's literally crying like a baby during it. I like that she tells him he "has to handle it" and "he can't buy his way out of it." Damn skippy, pussy man.

They got another conversation between Nick and his father Hulk wherein his father basically blamed Nick's victim, John Graziano. Seriously. Says Hulk: "God laid some heavy shit on that kid, I don't know what he was into." Wow. That's some brass ones. Nick responds with "He was a negative person."

You know what? I know a lot of fucking negative people but who the hell deserves what John got? Yeah he made the decision to get in the car with the douche, but ultimately, it was Nick's responsibility to get his passengers and himself from point A to point B safely. He broke the law, John didn't. Asshole.

In the conversation, Nick and Hulk yap about some reality deal they're set to do when the douch gets out of jail. He tells his dad to work on it so he can make the most money. Wow. Here that beauty here.

They are all assholes and karma is a bitch. That's all I'm saying.

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It's a Nice Day for a Lesiban Wedding

The Daily Star is reporting that Lesiban Lohan has been telling people she's gonna marry her lesbo lover Samantha Ronson. Her spokeswhores are still denying she's bumping vaginas with the DJ.

She's been wearing an engagement ring on her ring finger this past weekend at Cannes. Rumor is that she's been saying she's planning at wedding at Dollywood in July. Yes, you read that right. Dollywood. I would give my left boob to witness this trash. Maybe Mommy Lohan will document it on her shitty reality show. That is, if she would quit denying that her daughter is a flaming firecrotch lesbian.

Her dad, however, knows the truth. He told Us Weekly his daughter's relationship "is evident to anyone with half a brain." Says a lot about his ex-wife.

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Speaking of Gays...

Lindsay Lohan is still a lesbian. In case you were wondering.

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McCain is Polite. Still an Asshole, But Polite.

Ellen had John McCain on her show the other day and decided to step right up to the gay marriage issue. Obviously, McCain is all about making gays second-class citizens.

Says Ellen: "I think that it is looked at and some people are saying the same that blacks and women did not have the right to vote. Women just got the right to vote in 1920. Blacks didn't have the right to vote till 1870. It just feels like there's this old way of thinking (that) we are not all the same. We are all the same people. All of us. You're no different than I am. Our love is the same."

Damn skippy. I don't see how it's any different. It's still discrimination.

More Ellen: " It sounds to me like saying well you can sit there (points in one direction), you just can't sit there (points in another direction). That's what it sounds like to me. It doesn't feel inclusive. It feels isolated. It feels like we aren't owed the same things and the same wording."

I think I'm in love. Ellen is the shit.

McCain's very polite retarded response: "I've heard you articulate that position in a very eloquent fashion. We just have a disagreement and I, along with many, many others wish you every happiness."

"We wish you happiness, but you aren't as good as me and my wife, so fuck you." I mean, that's what I read when I read that....but that's just me. Yes, I know I'm hostile today. I didn't drink enough coffee.

Ellen finished with a joke: "Thank you. So you'll walk me down the aisle? Is that what you said?"

I'd pay money to see that.

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Who Cares?

Pete Wentzy told Ryan Gaycrest that he and new wife Ashlee Simpson spent their honeymoon in the basement. But they didn't, they went to the Carribean. Jokes on us! Too bad nobody gives a shit about Douche and his Douchey wife!

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Different Strokes...

This guy doesn't like chicks. He doesn't like dudes. He likes cars. In the sexual sense. Meaning, he likes to fuck cars. Don't ask me how it's done, I don't want to know. Today is not a good day for my poor brain. The mental images are going to send me to the loony bin.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change. I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

I guess he's not hurting anybody? Can a car say "no?"

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Mental Images...Nightmares...Ew!

Wanna barf? Read this. I'll post about his alleged penis, but I'll be damned if I talk about his alleged sex life with Jennifer Aniston. Ew.

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Jenna Jameson = Angelina Jolie

In case you forgot, Jenna Jameson is famous because she fucked dudes on camera for a living. You know, porn. Now apparently she's told Us Magazine she wants to be a mommy. Wouldn't you love her for your room mom in elementary school?

"I think I'm gonna stay unmarried, and just go for the babies!" Jameson, 34, told Usmagazine.com at Maxim's Hot 100 bash in L.A. Wednesday. "I'm following in Angelina's footsteps!"We're trying for a baby, so hopefully in the next couple of months!" she added.Why is she so over saying "I Do?"Two failed marriages," she said. "[Marriage] is really just a piece of paper." Jameson was wed to fellow porn star Brad Armstrong (they split in 2001) and adult film studio owner Jay Grdina (they split in 2006).Her two-year relationship with boxer Tito Ortiz is "so fabulous, like, fantastic," she said.

Except Tito Ortiz isn't a boxer. He's an MMA fighter. He actually has a fight this saturday, which is probably why she's tramping around the media saying stuff.

I still chuckle about the rumor about her having vagnin-tightening surgery. Hee! She had to get her pussy fixed! Because she's a porn slut and all. If she didn't have the surgery, does that mean a kid would just walk on out of there? These are the things I think about. I need to know!

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Old Boobs!

She probably thinks she's being so edgy right now. Really, I'm not looking at this picture without the blurry line for fear I'll die of revulsion. If you are brave, go here. If you get sick and die, don't blame me. I warned you.

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Which David Won?

Well I couldn't watch the two-hour vomit-fest. I would check in every now and then in between my CSI reruns, but it was pretty retarded. Nothing like an hour and 40 minutes of complete steaming crap, then a bunch of fuckers wrecking George Michael classics, only for the man himself to show up and show those dumb asses how it's done.

Then FINALLY they announced David Cook won. David Archuleta went home to cry into his Hannah Montana pillowcase.

I give it two weeks before Cookie realizes he is now stuck in hell and has little chance of rocking ever again, or ever having a groupie who has reached puberty. Sucks because this kid is talented.

Yay I don't have to hear about this shit or see Paula's pilled out mug until 2009.

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Mutt Lange is Still a Dumbass

On the left is Shania Twain. The woman on the right is not her mom. Its her close friend, employee, and now homewrecker, Marie-Anne Thiébaud, also known as Mutt's vagina on the side.

Now I heard Shania had been withholding the bootie. In which case I can see why he'd stray. But wouldn't common sense state that he would go to someone hotter, or at least the same level as hot as his wife?

Oh yeah, and Shania is 42, while Marie-Anne is 37. Seriously!

Ugh. My thoughts go out to Shania. Nothing like your husband replacing a ten with a six. Ew.

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I'm Not the Only Bitch Who Thinks Nick Hogan Deserves to be Miserable

Over at CelebWarship, they covered the story about Nick Hogan being a pissy asshole about having to give up an entire 8 months of his life while his friend basically gave up the entire rest of his life. The comments on that story over there are quite awesome so I thought I'd give them tribute here.

AmyD says: May 21st, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Poor baby, he’s “struggling to form a sentence”. Yeah, so’s the guy you PUT INTO A COMA, you asshole.

-My thoughts exactly.


Kats says: May 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
Good. I hope the little entitled fucker rots.

- I love you.

Seriously, that made me happy. So I thought I'd share. In case any of you bitches think I was mean to that little pussy, then there ya go. I'm not alone!

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Sex and the City Makes 14-year-olds into Whores

Yeah and ER made me into a doctor. Blah.

Some chick named Lisa is claiming the hos of Sex and the City made her into a whore when she was but 14. "When you're that age you try to emulate people on TV. Carrie smoked, so I smoked, Samantha looked at hooking up with random people as not a big deal, so that's what I did too. It wasn't 'Sex and the City's' fault. I love the show, but I think it made it a little easier to justify my behavior."

She is now 22, but at the time she was just a sex-loving freak. She even used one of the lines from the show on a dude after he came in her mouth and she thought it tasted gross. She told him his stuff was rotten. "That was something that happened to me. I used her exact words: 'You have funky spunk.' I knew from watching the show that it had to do with something he was eating." See? The show is also educational. She learned things.

When she was 19, she quit being a skank and moved to Utah. She met a mormon dude, converted, married him, and is a wife and mommy to his kids. He no longer allows her to watch the show, and she's sold the DVD's on eBay and says everything's okay now. Nothing like a husband who tells you what TV shows to watch! Although with this bitch, he really has to. She might watch Desperate Housewives and try to become an old skank instead of a young one, thus starting the whole process over again.

Bah I'm calling shananigans anyway. It's just too much of a coincidence that she's coming forward with this right now when the damn movie is about to come out. Give her therapy and tell her to shut the hell up.

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I Hope She Gets a Uterus-Eating Disease.

Parisite Hilton is talking about having a kid. Y'know, she just can't let Nicole Richie do anything, she has to do it too. Dumb bitches.

However, don't worry, because she wants to wait until next year. Cue the flesh-eating disease on her womb next year, then.

A dumb bitch says what? "I do want a baby. Pretty soon. Not yet because I'm so busy, but next year."

Has someone told this walking strain of herpes that babies are not like dogs? You can't just lock them in a closet when you want to go out. Animal control may not arrest your ass, but DFS and the cops will. You don't do a couple hours in jail for neglecting a child.

Oh who am I kidding? This kid will be raised by Mexican nannies. Ole!

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Excuse Me While I Get Back on My Soapbox...

Yes, THAT is what was left of the car that Nick Hogan was driving when he lost control, hit a median, flipped it, thus putting his friend in a COMA. He was drunk. His friend will be in a nursing home the rest of his life.

Nick is now being a pissy little bitch about having to serve a whole 8 fucking months in jail. Now, in case you were wondering, his friend has suffered SEVERE, PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE because PART OF HIS BRAIN AND SKULL ARE GONE. Want to see the damage for real? Go here to see pictures of John Graziano. I'm warning you, they are disturbing. This poor kid and his poor family.

Sorry to be a preachy bitch, but Nick was DRUNK. We DO know that driving + drunk asshole = BAD at this point right???

ZERO sympathy for this douche. I hope jail sucks and he's made someone's bitch. End of story.

Off the soapbox now and back to making fun of people.

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This Has Made My Afternoon

Lindsay Lohan was eating lunch somewhere in LA when a couple chicks saw her. They started yelling "Courtney! Courtney!" Oops. Seems they mistakenly took her for our dear Courtney Love.

The witness to the incident told Star Magazine about the mistaken idenity and went on to say: "She was also looking extremely pale. You know things are going downhill when you get mistaken for an ex-druggie plastic surgery disaster who's twice your age!"

What an insult to C. Love! But it's true. Lohan is looking pretty fucking haggard these days.

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This Shit Might be Better than the New Batman

Yeah, I'm so going there.

Chuck Palahniuk is one twisted individual. Even more disturbing is the fact that he looks and talks like a freaking normal human being. But inside that head is more scary crap than whatever is between the legs of Parisite Hilton.

He wrote Fight Club which of course became a feature film. He's had several other books in talks to become movies. First was his second novel after FC, called Survivor, but shortly after it was in the beginning of things, September 11, 2001 happened and well, the central plotline in the book is a plane crash. At the time, moviemakers were really really staying away from that sort of thing, understandably.

Now, his book Choke is coming out this year. It just might be better than the new Batman flick.

For those of you who are not sick like me and enjoy Chuck's style, here is a synopsis, courtesy of imdb.com: Victor Mancini is a medical-school dropout who has devised an ingenious scam to pay elder care for his Alzheimer's-afflicted mother: he pretends to choke on pieces of food while dining in upscale restaurants. He then allows himself to be "saved" by fellow patrons who, feeling responsible for Victor's life, go on to send checks to support him. When he's not pulling this stunt, Victor cruises sexual addiction recovery workshops for action, visits his addled mom, and spends his days working at a colonial theme park.

Oh yeah I cannot wait. They have Angelica Houston lined up to play Victor's freaked out mother. That is so awesome. I cannot WAIT! According to The Cult, a fansite for us rabid fans of Chuck, the film is to be released August 1st. What a way to end my summer!

imdb.com and Choke page at ChuckPalahniuk.net

Nick Hogan Not Enjoying Jail

Yeah who cares. I just cannot bring forth any sort of pity for this bitch. He CHOSE to get drunk, then CHOSE to get behind the wheel, then like the dumbass that he is, RACE some bitch, and wreck his car, which left his friend with permanent brain damage. This ruined the life of his friend, and that friend's ENTIRE FAMILY. So yeah. No sympathy here for Nick Hogan.

Anyways. The NY Post says Nick isn't dealing well with prison. Well, that's the point, isn't it?

"Nick's doing really bad. He's struggling to even form a sentence," one friend said. "They have him in a cell by himself, isolated from the general population, because of threats. He didn't understand how awful jail really is until now." That will be small consolation to Graziano's relatives, who say Hogan has done very little for their son since the crash.

Once again, I just cannot feel sorry for this asshole. He did win a few points by owning up to what he did in court, but in the end, this is your punishment. Take it like a man.

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Idol Finale Tonight

So I thought it was last night and turned it on and saw the last 20 minutes or so. I live in the Kansas City area, so there's so much David Cook worship around here, I'm getting freaking sick of it. Anyways, he was doing his last song, and I have to admit he kicked some ass. Of course that pansy bitch Simon just had to piss in his cheerios and give him critism.

Then the other David with the annoying last name who looks to be maybe 14, at most, sang and butchered John Lennon's Imagine. He should be beaten. But all three judges sucked his ass and the pre-teen chicks in the audience screamed so loud I'm sure all the dogs in the area of filming are new deaf.

So tonight is the results show. I'm sure it's forever long, and all they really need to say is "this bitch won, this one lost." I want David Cook to win, and a lot of people are predicting that he will, but remember, this is the same show that made Clay Gayken a star. I don't have high hopes.

Anyway, after tonight this shit is over until next fall, when they annoy me once again.

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This Bitch is Going to Jail

Lou Pearlman is the ho you have to thank for New Kids on the Block, N'Sync, and Backstreet Boys. I know I'm thanking his ass. Ugh.

Anyways, he was convicted after pleading guilty to cheating banks and investors out of around $300 million and he wanted to put off starting his sentence so he could promote his new group, US 5. The judge didn't think it was a good idea either.

According to Reuters: In an audacious two-decade-long scam, Pearlman enticed individuals and banks to invest millions of dollars in two companies that existed only on paper and won the confidence of investors with strong but fake financial statements created by a fictitious accounting firm, according to his plea agreement.

U.S. Judge G. Kendall Sharp held up a book with letters from Pearlman's victims, saying they included "his family, his close friends and people in their 70s and 80s who have lost their life savings."

"So the sympathy factor doesn't run high with the court," Sharp said.

He was sentenced to 25 years. Good riddance.

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Mutt Lange is a Dumbass

I guess last week word got out that Shania Twain and husband of 14 years, Mutt Lange, called it quits. According to Lange, "they just grew apart." What he does not mention is how he was fucking the secretary.

According to People: What caused the sudden breakup of Shania Twain and her husband, music producer Robert "Mutt" Lange, after 14 years of marriage?...sources close to the situation say a third party was involved: Marie Ann Thiebaud, a longtime secretary and manager of the couple's chateau in Switzerland. "Mutt and Marie Ann left their spouses for each other and are still in a relationship," says one source...An insider says the "You're Still the One" singer is "devastated. This came out of left field...She loved him."

So the hot picture above? Is Shania Twain. She is still that hot. I want to see the secretary. She must have the voodoo pussy because why the hell else would you cheat on your wife when she looks like this and this aaaand you look like this. He's fucking stupid.

UPDATE: I don't know how true this is, but I heard on the radio this morning that Shania has been celibate for the past year or so. In which case I say, I don't care how hot you are. If you don't have sex with YOUR HUSBAND whom you claim to love, I can see why he went elsewhere for sexy stuffs. Not sayin' it's right, but I can understand. Who the hell goes celibate in a marriage unless they hate who they're married to? I'm just sayin'....

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Holy Hell!

Angie is flipping huge. How she thought she could keep "not comfirming" her pregnancy I don't know. What did she think we were all dumb? Not everyone is as gullible as the Man-Slave. That is why he is a slave. I worship your ass and all, but even I won't believe you when you say "Oh no I'm not pregnant. I've just gained weight."

Are they sure there's only two babies in there? Maybe she's using her uterus to house homeless children from Africa or some shit.

Yeah this is another picture from Cannes. This is from the premiere of Clint Eastwood's flick Changeling.

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Being Married to Pete Wentz is Awesome

Oh yeah, it sounds like Ashlee's having a ball thus far. Nothing like a husband who calls radio stations and tells all your business. What a catch!

Pete Wentzy called up Ryan Gaycrest's radio show this morning to talk about his wedding and shit. He had lots to say.

On his new wifey: "legally [Ashley] is a Wentz ... I don't know what she'll do with her stage name, that's up to her. She hasn't decided that." He also goes on to say they signed a prenup. How romantic.

Also romantic? They're not having a formal honeymoon yet. They're hanging out in the basement. Seriously. "We got some blow-up palm trees. A little fake-n-bake tanning booth." Well Ashlee's starting to get fat, and Papa Joe wants to capitalize on that shit, and he hasn't figured out how yet since nobody wants to pay the retarded amounts of money he wants to get the "exclusive" on her and the kid.

Speaking of the kid, Gaycrest asked about that too. Wentzy was a little testy: "Ryan, this baby has not been confirmed. The only thing I'm confirming now is that we're in the basement on our honeymoon with these blow-up palm trees." Pissy bitch! His guyliner must be out and Papa Joe won't let him out of the basement to hit up Walgreen's.

What a romantic couple, these two.

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Sharon Osbourne is Pennicle of Manners

VH1 is gonna have another one of those "charm school" shows only this time, showcasing the bitches from the two seasons of Rock of Love. They have slated Sharon Osbourne to host. I'm so watching this shit.

Breakout stars from both seasons of “Rock of Love” will come together under one roof to learn and grow in areas of etiquette, fashion, manners, and moderation. They will be refined in hopes to graduate “Charm School” as sophisticated and polite ladies. And who better to push these girls down the road to renewal and re-discovery than Sharon Osbourne. As Headmistress of “Charm School,” Sharon will attempt to strip the girls of their former rebellious and wild ways. And with some help from experts, hopefully transform the girls into fully rockin’ ladies.

The contestants will focus on one lesson a week followed by a demanding test. Whoever doesn’t measure up to the challenges of “Charm School” will be expelled. In the end, the last one standing will be rewarded with $100,000 to put towards her new and improved life.

Definately watching this. According to a Wikipedia page, here is the cast:

Rock of Love 1: Brandi, Rodeo, Dallas, Erin, Heather, Tiffany & Lacey
Rock of Love 2: Angelique, Aubry, Daisy, Destiney, Kristy Joe & Megan

Heather? Oh yes, I am all over this.

This will be classic. Nothing like having a woman host who once shit on a statue to get back at her father, owner of the house she was being thrown out of. Oh yeah, this is gonna be reality gold.

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The Robot and the Midget Move to NYC

Katie-Kate Holmes will make her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. That means she's moving to NYC with Suri and the Angry Midget. Doesn't she look like she's wearing a wig in this picture? Is that part of being a robot wife?

From PlayBill: All My Sons tells the story of a man who hastily sold defective airplane parts to the Army, which caused the crafts to crash, killing 21 men. His crime, which he long had deflected by blaming his business partner, comes back to light as his son plans to wed the partner's daughter.

Look out, New York! Nothing like a pissed off $cientologist loose in the Big Apple. This oughtta be interesting.

If you remember, this was originally when Katie-Kate was going to flee her gay husband with their daughter and he sent her off for reprogramming. Now she's a good little Stepford Wife.

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This Explains a Lot

Apparently Brooke Hogan is going nuts. This explains so much for me. Fox News is reporting that with her brother in jail, and her parents splitting up, she's taking all the shit the hardest.

Daddy Hulk Hogan thinks the reality show they did for VH1 is to blame for all the family's issues: “I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about."

"We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete, but I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.”

Yeah because these shows always worked out SO WELL for these people's personal lives. Chestica Simpson and Nick Lachey split up. Nobody cared about Ashlee Simpson before or after her damn show. Jack and Kelly Osbourne have battled with drug and alcohol addiction. Reality TV is awesome, folks.

Gimmie a break. Own up to what you've all done. Reality TV did NOT make Nick wreck his car. His dumbness and the fact that he was legally drunk did that. Reality TV did NOT make Hulk go screw his 20-something daughter's friend thus ending his marriage of like 15-some-odd years. Idiots.

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Lohan Getting Sued Over the Coat

Didn't Lindsay Lohan used to be hot? God she looks like a truck stop whore.

The bitch that Lohan stole the fur coat from is suing. Masha Markova is still pissed that Linds stole her $11,000 coat, tramped around town getting photographed by OK magazine while wearing it, then returned it without so much as an explaination or apology.

According to papers filed by Markova: "Defendant's [Lohan's] actions were intentional, oppressive and malicious and were carried out with reckless disregard for plaintiff's rights," according to the lawsuit. Plaintiff has been injured by the defendant's actions."

"Throughout this time, defendant used plaintiff's blond mink coat for her own benefit and deprived plaintiff of her rightful possession and use of her property."

Markova has said in interviews she wanted a $10,000 rental fee for Lohan having the coat for a week. The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

Does Lohan even HAVE $10,000? I think bitch spent all her money on booze, cigs, blow, and her new girlfriend.

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Jean-Claude Van Damme to John Mayer: "MY Body is a Wonderland!"

Uh, no. This is even more perverse than the Carrot Top picture. Excuse me while I vomit.

This picture is apparently from the Cannes festival, where he is proving to some fans that he still has it. If by "it" he means funky old man boobs, then yes. He definately has it.

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John Mayer's Body is a Wonderland. Ew.

So obviously Jennifer Aniston is elated that some dude is sticking around. Maybe she'll get to have that kid and give Dame Goddess the middle finger like she's been wanting to do for like 3 years now.

Apparently there's some other reason to love John Mayer, also known as "Chestica Simpson's sloppy seconds."

According to NY Daily News: "She's just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character," said one spy.

The reason can't just be that she is dating John Mayer. No one is that happy with Jessica Simpson's sloppy seconds. What we hear is there is a certain feature of John that leaves Jen so pleased. The crooner's ex-paramours reveal he is hell to get over, not because he's a great guy, but because he's a "great" guy, if you know what we mean."His body actually is a wonderland," one ex was overheard saying.

Which if you are daft, means he has a big penis. Ew. Congrats, Jen? I dunno about that.

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The Hell?

So it's now been confirmed that Dame Goddess is indeed pregnant, not just housing a basketball. It's also been confirmed that she's having twins. She still hasn't confirmed the third rumor is that she's having fraternal twin girls. Anyways.

Word is that she and Man-Slave are disagreeing on what to name the twins. She wants to go with Castor and Pollox, the mythical twin boys from the sign Gemini, because that's her sign. Obviously Man-Slave doesn't want one of his girls saddled with a name that rhymes with "bollocks." Makes sense to me.

However, he forgets that he is to do what he is told, so this whole argument is moot. The twins are from now on referred to as Castor and Bollocks and that is final. Apparently she needs to get Maddox to put that bitch in his place because he keeps forgetting.

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New Batman Flick Poster

Pure awesome. This movie is gonna break records, I can feel it.

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Quick! Save this Child!

Okay apparently Pete Doherty isn't kidnapping a child, this little boy is his son, Astile. Though you cannot tell by looking, since the child doesn't look like a walking crack-corpse. I hope someone bathed that kid in Purell afterwards.

They're at some charity soccer game that Doherty played in.

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Yay, Nightmares!

I don't care who you are, Carrot Top is freaking creepy looking. He's like a red smurf on steroids. Ew.

This picture is from the Country Music Awards. Why the crap he went, I have no clue.

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It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding...

You know it's a slow GD weekend when all there is to talk about is the wedding of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentzy. Yeah, that was a typo but I'm leaving it. It amuses me.

According to OK Magazine: Around noon on Saturday, the groom arrived via limo at the Encinco, Calif., home of Ashlee's dad Joe Simpson, who also officiated over the non-denominational ceremony under white tents.Big sis Jess, who arrived with on-off beau Tony Romo before noon in the Employee of the Month star's Range Rover, was maid of honor. According to reports, Pete's bulldog Hemingway served as ring-bearer.

Poor Tony. Papa Joe must've paid his ass.

Also according to OK: One wedding VIP who definitely won't be boozing it up tonight is the bride, who sources tell OK! finally revealed her pregnancy to everyone at the reception. Weeks ago, OK! was the first to report that the couple were expecting a baby — a story that both Ashlee and Pete danced around on talk shows and in interviews.

Yeah who cares. Pete is in for hell. According to Nick Lachey, Papa Joe is the reason his marriage to Chestica bombed. He also ruined her relationship with Tony Romo. Bet Pete's glad he jumped on this bandwagon.

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Celebrities Have Always Been Insane.

So there's a new book coming out that supposedly has a bunch of full-frontal nudie pictures of some big names such as: Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, Richard Gere, John Malcovich, Sean Connery, and Johnny Depp who is known as "donkey dick." Ew. Sounds horrid. The book is called Hollywood Babylon: It's Back and it's due to come out June 1st.

Besides celebrity pee-pee, there are some rather interesting stories. For example:

Marilyn Monroe had an affair with Ronald Reagan

Marilyn had a fling with Joan Crawford, but ended it. Marilyn told Shelley Winters, "She had bad breath. Besides, she wanted to do things to me that no woman should do to another woman."

James Dean showed a disconcerting interest in a 12-year-old boy. Elia Kazan, "I've known many actors who have been twisted up in their sex lives, but never anybody as sick and unhealthy as Dean was."

Elvis Presley got it on with Nick Adam

Lucille Ball was a hooker before she was famous. Desi Arnaz had a fling with Cesar Romero.

Cary Grant had an incestuous relationship with his stepson

Strange things happened to Judy Garland's dead body (this in the chapter on "Fan Worship and Necrophilia").

It's not exactly going out on a limb to say that Hollywood has been full of freaks for a long ass time. But considering most the people the author is talking about are dead, I'm sure there wasn't a whole lot of fact checking for this little book. But hey, I'm all for shitty rumors, so I might give it a read!

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Happy Birthday Trent!

Yeah I'm slackin.' I nearly forgot it was Trenty Reznor's 42nd birthday today. Many happy birthday tidings of angsty angstness, Sir Trent!

Photo can be found at the official NIN flickr site thingy.

More Boobs!

Because I want to make up for the horrible mental image of a naked sex-having Britney Spears, I posted Claudia Shiffer doing booby things in German Vogue.

Wanna see more boobies? Click here. I don't think they're naked boobies though. But anything's better than naked Britney Spears in a hot pink wig, right? Right.

Ewwwww! Ew Ew Ew Ew!!!!

The National Enquirer is claiming there's a sex tape about to be released featuring Britney Spears and Adnan Gablibwhateverhisnameis. EW!

"Word is that the video starts with Britney undressing," said the insider. "She was wearing some cheap clothes that she bought down there in Rosarito. The sex wasn't particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout. At one point in the tape Adnan asks the singer to remove the pink bob but she refused. "Adnan tells her to take it off at one point and she says coyly, 'Take what off? There's nothing left to take off.'"

Hey I know I stood up for her a few weeks ago, but it doesn't mean I wanna see her have nasty fat Frappicino-lubed sex with some dude. Just, ew. This to go with the rumor that she is now knocked up with this dude's child. Can't anybody in this family figure out how a condom works?

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