Criss Angel is Still a Douche

A rumor was rolling around that Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's #1 girlfriend had ditched him and the mansion and the Girls Next Door show to run away with Criss Angel. This rumor was bullshit, because Criss Angel has nowhere near enough money for Holly to be leaving Hef. Duh.

But, apparently, according to my source, the rumor was started by Criss' people. Because that's what douchey fake magician assholes do. I rest my case.

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Barack Obama NOT a Lezzy Fan.

So Lezzy Lohan took to her blog to bitch about Sarah Palin the other day and proclaiming her Obama love, but he's not really feeling it.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

However, a top source in the Barack Obama team tells me the actress ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''Given Lohan's past problems, plus ongoing brushes with controversy, I've learned the campaign quietly told the actress ''thanks, but no thanks,'' but in far more diplomatic terms.

Translation: "Shut the hell up, you dumb whore. Thank you."

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A Match Made in Crack Heaven

Now I see why Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil. He's just sooooooo charming.

Ugh. I'm off to scrub my eyeballs with a Brillo pad and Comet.

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Random Acts of Crap

Brooke Hogan tucks back her penis and wears a bikini. Good job, Brooke. You ALMOST pass. - The Superficial

Will Smith denies again that's he's a part of the $cientology cult. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan and Sam Ronson hate on Sarah Palin via Lezzy's MySpace blog. - The Superficial

Matthew McConaughey finished that triatholon an hour faster than JLo. Boy, she's gonna be pissed that people know that. - WWTDD

Eva Mendes has done the sexy in all 50 states. Alaska was not a good experience, incidentally. I blame Sarah Palin. - DListed

Mary Louise Parker's boobies on Weeds. - Egotastic

Reunited, and it feels so good. (Britney Spears at Starbucks.) - The Superficial

Barbara Walters Will Save the Black Folks!!!

whoopi slavery
by dollarsandsense123


Good God I know she's THE Barbara Walters, and she can get away with murder and all, but even she needs to put her foot in her stupid mouth on this one.

On her show The View, they had John McCain as a guest. They were discussing how if he wins, McCain would like to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn the power to decide on abortion over to the states and let them make that decision because he doesn't think its in the constitution or whatever. Whoopi Goldberg then asked if they were going strictly by the Constitution, would that mean she was gonna be a slave again? (Ha, I love her.) Anywho, Barbara Walters then stated "don't worry, us white folk will take care of you" to Whoopi and another African-American lady on the panel.

Oh hell. I had to watch the video to see if this was a joke, but apparently its not. Watch it, I'm telling you. Its horrid.

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Random Acts of Crap

George Takai (Mr. Sulu of Star Trek) and his partner of 21 years tie the knot. Congrats, guys! - The Superficial

Ashton Kutcher is a high school football coach. For some reason, this amuses me. - Socialite Life

Britney Spears' new album to be released December 2nd. - DListed

Jennifer Lopez competed in a triatholon. Everyone pay attention to her for a minute so she'll shut the eff up. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse is a no-show for her own birthday party. Her reason: she's too ugly to go out. She's just NOW noticing that she looks like a train wreck from hell??? - DListed

I Love Pam Anderson. Yes She's Crazy, But I'm in LOOOOOOVE!

Basically everyone who knows me in real life knows what I think of Sarah Palin, and it ain't pretty. Lets say I wouldn't invite the bitch over for cocktails.

In the past several days, many celebrities have had somewhat intelligent statements regarding the election and who they support. But my girl Pamela Anderson has made my day when she was asked to comment on McCain's armcandy/vice-presidential candidate.

From her lips to God's ears: "I can't stand her. She can suck it."

And to hear the words come from her lips:




I love you, Pam. Call me!

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How Does Hulk Hogan Know Who to Do?

Seriously, his daughter and his girlfriend are like twins. I can't tell the bitches apart. This is some creepy shit.

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Random Acts of Crap

Dannielynn turns two. Geez has it been THAT long??? - I'm Not Obsessed

Kanye West got arrested. I giggled. - DListed

Sir Paul McCartney to wed a third time? Someone needs to quickly show him a picture of the vulture ex-wife and set his ass straight. - Holy Moly

More Batman movie rumors. Since they are still merely rumors, I say "meh." - IDLYITW

Eva Longoria says she's not pregnant, just fat. Seriously, that's what she said. Sometimes these dumbasses do my job for me. - The Superficial

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson still singing country music and still sucking at it. - IDLYITW

In spite of his claims, P. Diddy Puff Daddy whateverhisnameis does not in fact, own his own private jet. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

In more Chestica Simpson news, apparently the fans are allowing her to go to Dallas Cowboy games to cheer on her bribed boyfriend Tony Romo on one condition - she not wear a Cowboy's jersey. Goodie. - The Superficial

Is Sam Ronson gonna make Lezzy Lohan an honest lesbian? - DListed

Pamela Anderson says she is absolutely NOT dating Michael Jackson. Thank God for small favors. - Holy Moly

Random Acts of Crap

Christina Aguileria and her boobs went to the VMA's. - The Superficial

Dr. House has a bald spot. Well, he's mostly bald, really. - Daily Mail

Minnie Driver gave birth to a son. I hope like hell the daddy isn't Criss Angel because God knows we don't need another do-rag wearing asshole running around faking building escapes. - The Superficial

Speaking of that douchebag, rumor has it that Holly got sick of waiting on Hugh Hefner to make an honest woman of her and has been cheating on his old ass with Criss Angel. Talk about a downgrade. - Celebitchy

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson plays the Grand Ole Opry. Country fans still thinks she sucks, and also now thinks she dresses slutty. Well, duh. Just because she changed genres doesn't mean she still isn't gonna air out the ol' funbags. - IDLYITW

How much are the Hulgan's worth? Who cares, they're still all orange freak douchebags. - In Case You Didn't Know

Here's a rundown of the VMA's last night, in case you didn't give a shit. Don't ask me what happened because I didn't actually read any of this. - IDLYITW

Russia hates South Park. Apparently they have no sense of humor. - MollyGood

Twins for Ashlee and Pete Wentzy? - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Photoshop meets Sarah Palin. Too bad, too. That'd be awesome. - The Superficial

Katherine Heigl frightens innocent puppies. Its true. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse requires 48 bottles of Jack Daniels to perform in a concert. That's just an appetizer. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lilly Allen explains her "feud" with Queen Elton. I still say he wins. - DListed

What in Plastic Surgery Hell???

I am assuming this is a rumor. It just has to be. I mean, Pammy Anderson doesn't exactly have the best taste in men, but since she's mother to two young boys, I don't see her dating a [possible] pedophile.

However, the Mirror UK is reporting that she and Michael Jackson have had some sort of secret creepy love affair thing going on. Ew. I'm going to have nightmares for a week for just typing that shit out.

The odd couple seem to have bonded over their love of plastic surgery and have been hooking up in Malibu. We hear the big-boobed babe is a massive fan of Michael... and it seems the feeling is mutual. A source said: "It was all arranged by their people in total secrecy, very cloak and dagger. Michael is such a private person. He gets nervous when he thinks people are following him around, so he chose somewhere neutral for their first date. "They arrived separately at the Shutters Hotel on Malibu Beach so no one would suspect anything and then had a few drinks in the bar." The pair requested a hidden area in the corner - for two reasons. Firstly, it shielded them from any prying eyes. And second, it would have protected them from the dangerous melting effects of the Californian sunshine. After all, there's a fine line between looking hot and having a runny, bubbling face. Our source went on: "They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off." So much so Michael plucked up the courage to ask Pammy out on a second date. And she was more than happy to accept. We're told: "They went for a coffee at Country Mart in Malibu and looked very comfortable with each other. "They chatted about Michael turning 50, his new album, their kids. And he seemed genuinely interested in Pamela."

I know that's a lot to quote. But I'm skeeved out, and couldn't be arsed to read it all myself. I'm going to go soak my brain in bleach now.

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Bitchfight!

And you know who won. The QUEEN bitch, Elton John of course. He's been Queen Bitch since before Lilly Allen snorted her first line.

Anywho, Queen B co-hosted the GQ Awards in London with Lilly Allen and he was getting fed up with her drunk ass.

Allen: “And now to the most important part of the night."
Elton: “What? Are you going to have another drink?”

Woo! And apparently she didn't much like his response there, because she had one of her own: “Fuck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!” Yeah, somehow I doubt he went home and cried into his massive piles of money over that one. To prove my point: “I could still snort you under the table.” Bah! Very true. He could probably snort HER. Seriously. Bitch had a bad habit back in the day. Allen: “Fuck off. I don't know what you are talking about.”

Riiiiiiight. I'm willing to bet my dad's Elton John collection you know exactly what he's talking about. And that's no joke. My dad would kill a bitch for messing with his Elton DVD's. I think he wants to be buried with them, I'm not sure.

Either way, Elton won.

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Random Acts of Crap

Harry Potter is not a virgin. Dumbledore would be so disappointed in him. - DListed

Jamie Lynn Spears sends baby gift to Bristol Palin. Quick! Someone tell John McCain! I'll bet he'll need his Depends changed. - The Superficial

Enzyte CEO gets 25 years for fraud. - AVN

Jason Priesley is one hairy bastard. - DListed

Parisite Hilton calls the paps "annoying." As in, "if they're not paying attention to me, they're annoying." - Pink is the New Blog

Christina Aguilera's boobs are still huge. - IDLYITW

Just a Recap

In case you forgot, Amy Winehouse defines the term "one hot mess." Here's a rundown!

She canceled a concert just hours before she was due onstage. Amy Winehouse is facing legal action after she pulled out of a concert in Paris just two hours before she was due to headline it. A statement posted on the festival website said organisers had decided to start legal proceedings against her because of the circumstances of her cancellation. “We have still not been given any explanation of the exact reasons for her absence.”

In the past year, she has OD'd twice. The singer, 24, suffered two major overdoses, with such bad convulsions that they were “like a scene from The Exorcist”. And her body is so frail from drug use that doctors were scared she would break bones during a fit.

And let's not forget, she may have brain damage.

Seriously, how much can one human body take? Or is that it? Is she not human? Because that's the only reason I can think of as to why she's not dead yet. Seriously, this zombie and Courtney Love must both be fucking aliens or something. Nobody can ingest this much heroin and still move among the living.

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Random Acts of Crap

This is Sarah Palin's future son-in-law. Says "I'm a fuckin' redneck" who likes hockey, shooting things, and not having kids. Awesome person to have associated with you when you're RUNNING FOR SECOND IN COMMAND of the fucking country. I'm voting democrat and this just cements it, nails down the coffin, and any other cliche you can fucking think of. - The Superficial

Colin Farrell saved a homeless guy. - Mollygood

Kevin Spacey sees a naked dude's ass across his lap, so what does he do? Why he grabs it of course. Hell no, he's not gay! - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Remember that random cocktail waitress that George Clooney dated? That chick that nobody knew who the fuck she was and had NO career until Clooney started doing her and basically GAVE her said career? She apparently cheated on George. Way to say 'thank you,' nameless cocktail waitress chick. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan and her dad the famewhore are still at it via MySpace and the media. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Axl Rose wants to fuck Kelly Osbourne. Ew. Poor Kelly. - HolyMoly

Chestica Simpson is still epically failing at country music. - DListed

RIP Del Martin

These ladies got press for being the first lesbian couple to tie the knot in California on June 17th. The lady on the right is Del Martin, and she has passed away. She was 87.

Del and wife Phyllis were the first to form a lesbian rights group, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955.

Prayers and thoughts go out to Phyllis. Rest in peace, Del! At least they got to finally do what they should be allowed to do as a couple, and marry. Much love and thanks to her for all her hard work over her life.

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