Life & Style is Full of Shit

I'm coming out of semi-retirement to state that the magazine Life & Style needs to stop the lies. They are hinting on their website that George Clooney has been "getting cozy" with Parisite Hilton. Well, I don't believe for one minute that he would stoop that low, considering I'm sure he doesn't want his nether regions itchy and rashy. I refuse to believe this BS until I see photographic proof. And once that proof has been seen, I hope someone bitch-slaps some damn sense into him. Come on now.

Anywho, back to oblivion.

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Random Acts of Crap

Remember that random cocktail waitress that George Clooney dated? That chick that nobody knew who the fuck she was and had NO career until Clooney started doing her and basically GAVE her said career? She apparently cheated on George. Way to say 'thank you,' nameless cocktail waitress chick. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan and her dad the famewhore are still at it via MySpace and the media. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Axl Rose wants to fuck Kelly Osbourne. Ew. Poor Kelly. - HolyMoly

Chestica Simpson is still epically failing at country music. - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Lynne Spears parenting book due out next week. Parents everywhere laugh. - DListed

George Clooney narrowly escapes crazed fat lady. - A Socialite's Life

Everybody wants The Goddess. I coulda told you that. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Tom Cruise wants "big hands." I don't even want to think about what he'd use them for. - DListed

Jenna Jameson gets naked for PETA. 'Cause you know, not enough people have seen her naked already. - The Superficial

One Great Big Random Act of Crap

Jim Carey wears his girlfriend's swimsuit. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan celebrates her birthday with her girlfriend at Disneyland. - IDLYITW

George Clooney: "Being a sexy bitch is hard work." Right. - Celebitchy

Steve-O moved from rehab to psych ward. - ICYDK

The Osbournes doing a variety type show. Yes, I will be totally watching this shit if it airs in the US. - Seriously OMG

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban welcome new baby girl. - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Hello Photoshop! Pics of Lezzy Lohan looking more hot and less like a truck stop tranny - The Superficial

Tom Hanks is a hero. - IDLYITW

Ashlee Simpson-Wentzy's preggo boobies. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Jessica Alba's baby pictures. - CityRag

George Clooney does not like fake tits. - DListed

Madonna and Guy Ritchie deny they are divorcing. Just ignore the fact that they have both seen big-time lawyers. - In Case You Didn't Know

Sarah Larson Got Dumped

In case you don't know who the crap Sarah Larson is, she was the golddigger engaged to George Clooney. I'm sorry, that was mean. She was the cocktail waitress trying to marry a rich guy for his money. There, that's better.

InTouch: George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating. According to a friend of Sarah's, the Leatherheads star recently moved out of his LA home while the 29-year-old former Las Vegas cocktail waitress removed her belongings. "George is relieved to be single again," says an insider. "He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her." As In Touch previously reported, George, 47, and Sarah struggled to make their relationship work because of their different backgrounds. "The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down," explains the insider. George's rep told In Touch: "I can only confirm that we have never commented on George's personal life."

Ha his spokeswhore has a sense of humor. How cute. Anywho, I was wondering how long this little romance was going to last. Georgie is a playa, yo.

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Nice Try, Roseanne

So George Clooney did a screening of his new flick Leatherheads and had a little chat with a critic from Rolling Stone regarding his early days in acting. If you remember, he had a spot on Roseanne, the show starring the original loudmouth, Roseanne Barr. Now I love her. She's funny. But she's also very unattractive and she had to be joking to think George effing Clooney would ever want to see her naked, let alone do sexy things with her. Ew. I just threw up in my mouth a little thinking about it.

According to People, he said of the incident: "I worked on her first series, and when I met her she said, 'You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink.' She was unbelievably kind to me at a time when no one was."

Wow what a line. I'm sure he was just blown away. And I'm sure she stank already.

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I'd Better be Invited

Rumor is that George Clooney, longtime dedicated bachelor, is marrying his girlfriend whom he's been dating since mid-2007.

One restaurant worker in Laglio, the town where Clooney has a villa, said: 'They haven't made any announcement yet, but there are people in this town who know more than me. They say the couple are already engaged.' Since Sarah met George she has ditched her £100,000-a-year job to join the jet-set, and has since enjoyed romantic trips to Venice, Dubai, Miami and his Lake Como hideaway. But it was the Oscars destination that really set tongues wagging: Sarah was the first woman to be invited to walk the red carpet with Clooney. George previously enjoyed romances with Renee Zellweger and Lisa Snowdon but, the source says, he's finally found someone 'he wants to really give it a go with'."

I'm eagerly awaiting my invitation to this wedding. It'll be easy. Just walk outside your house, and to the shrubs where I'm staking out and hand it to me. Heh. Not really.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day, bitches! I used a picture of George Clooney because he is the ultimate hotness. Him and Trent Reznor are simply the alpha and omega. They make my panties happy.

Anyways, I'm not gonna talk about Anna Nicole today. Or the DRAMA that's all around her people. If you need an update, go to your TV and turn it on. Really. Just about any channel will be yapping about whatever conspiracy theory or random screw has come out of the woodwork regarding the baby's daddy-ness. It's like a bad talk show at this point, people.

Oh and because I just want to have a hotness overload, here's some Trent: