Just a Little Laugh for a Boring Ass Thursday Afternoon

Video is of Madonna falling on her tired old vadge during a show. Its definately good for a laugh, but you gotta sit through about 50 seconds of her humping her amplifier and guitar whilst pretending to play said guitar. If you can get through that without vomiting, you can see the funny shit.

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Random Acts of Crap

Madonna kicks off her new tour with a vain attempt at controversy. The entire world yawns. - DListed

P Diddy gets pulled over, gets gun pulled on him. However, cops with guns were "really respectful." Awesome. - Mollygood

The Olympics are over. Does that mean we can go one day without hearing something about Michael Phelps now? - DListed

Minnie Driver is really really REALLY pregnant in a bikini. - IDLYITW

Michael Lohan challenges KFed to a boxing match. This could be awesome, no matter who wins. - TheSuperficial

Kim Kardashian cuts her toe. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of Crap

Roseanne Barr has balls of steel. She knows not the power of Maddox and his minons. - DListed

John Mayer talks to the paps about his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Madonna does her 50th birthday, fake husband in tow. - DListed

Ellen DeGeneres and girlfriend Portia De Rossi got married over the weekend. - IDLITW

Madonna Not Stealing or Adopting Anybody

Maddy's longtime mouthpiece, Liz Rosenberg gave a statement saying that Madonna was in Malawi recently on business, dealing with a charity and absolutely not adopting any kid. Which is basically what she said when Madge was not-adopting baby David two years ago. Seriously. Go see for yourself. It must suck being Liz Rosenberg. I'd hate lying my ass off for my boss all the damn time.

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Madonna Wants to Adopt Again

Nevermind the fact that she couldn't find a real orphan this time either. She's apparently hung up on getting a certain little girl, but the girl's grandmother is saying no. Madonna's adoption agency is trying to force the grandma into it anyway. Must be nice to have more money than God and you can do things like this to poor people.

According to The Sun: The friend said Madge “fell in love” with Mercy when they met at her orphanage last year. However, the girl’s gran Lucy Chekechiwa, 60, said she has been asked repeatedly by officials if Mercy could be adopted by an “unidentified foreign family” — but was firmly against it.
Speaking from her village in Zomba District, Lucy said: “We know that it is Mercy who Madonna really wants. We heard it is because my granddaughter is such a beautiful, happy child. Twice I have told the adoption people that I do not want Mercy to go outside the country. But they keep on at us. Now they say that Mercy will be leaving us, but can return at age 18. Yet I might not be alive then.”

I'm never going to England. Because if this bitch saw my kid and decided she liked him, I'd probably be fucked. Oh wait, my kid is white, and its not trendy to adopt poor WHITE kids. We're safe!

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Random Acts of Crap

Madonna still looks like a zombie. - DListed

Lezzy Lohan's lezziness is why the paps are easier to deal with, according to this LAPD Cheif. - IDLYITW

Still more hacked cameraphone pictures of Miley Cyrus trying to be a whore. Did you click the link? Perv. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Kate Hudson back with ex-husband. - The Superficial

Both Amy Winehouse's parents are complete fucking idiots. - WWTDD

Madonna is Now a Zombie

Quick someone hit this bitch with a cricket bat! Holy fuck Maddy looks like shit. I'd say the divorce must be taking it out of her, but we all know she's milking that drama for all the publicity she can.

Anywho, rumor also has it that she is a ghostwriter on the book her brother wrote. Which is not shocking either.

Says a source: "She actually ghost-wrote parts of it with him, the way Princess Diana helped Andrew Morton write his book on her. That's why there's nothing too devastating in Chris's book. He's mean to others, but not so much to his sister."

Meh. I'm still gonna read that shit.

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Look Closely at Pharrell Williams, Because You Will Never See Him Again.

Pharrell Williams worked with Madonna on her new album, Hard Candy. However, not even his talent could save it. I hear it is a pile of crap. I wouldn't know, I don't give a shit enough to listen to it.

Anywho, he was asked what he liked most about Queen Vadge and he had this to say: "She sure knows how to milk publicity and create a publicity stunt."

Well, yeah, she knew that shit from birth. But you're not supposed to talk about it, dude. She's gonna sic her crazy ass lawyers on you now. Run, bitch, run!

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I Know I Won't be Watching This Shit...

There is a lot of crap I will watch out of morbid curiousity. A sex tape featuring Madonna and A-Rod are no where on that list. On my list of nightmares, yes. Ew! Wonderful, now I have mental images. Gotta run some bleachwater over my eyeballs now.

Anywho, some guy is claiming he secretly taped Vadge and the baseball star in the apartment where they liked to sneak off and rub their musclies together. He'd found out where they liked to go, and snuck in and set the place up with cameras.

Nevermind this shit is illegal if he DID film them. He's gonna try to make some money off it before Madonna's super crazy lawyers from another planet get ahold of him. Seriously, the only lawyers more powerful than hers are Tom Cruise's. You don't want to mess with those bitches!

Either way, I'm not watching this shit. A ho has to have standards.

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Random Acts of Crap

Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie is in hospital in France. But according to her doctor, the twins are not here yet. Twinwatch continues! - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Ashlee Wentzy's preggo boobies. - The Superficial

Chestica Simpson takes Tony Romo and his parents to Olive Garden. Wow. Way to break the bank. - Celebitchy

Seriously? A Friends movie? Who is gonna go see that crap? - DListed

Is this Michael Lohan's love child? - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Rose McGowan broke up Robert Rodriguez' marriage, and now she's dumping him. - IDLYITW

Ashlee and Pete Wentzy are having a boy. - DListed

Madonna and A-Rod allegedly screwing - he even visited her the same night his wife gave birth. - The Superficial

BUT Madonna and Guy Ritchie totally not getting a divorce. See? They went to dinner AND held hands so they are still sooooo in love. - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland will probably rise from the dead to bitch-slap New York for tarnishing their memory with her fat tranny ass. - DListed

Nuns love Steven Tyler. I didn't even know nuns were ALLOWED to listen to real music! - The Superficial

More rumors about Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce. - IDLYITW

Pete and Ashlee Wentzy got a dog. - Friends or Enemies

Parisite Hilton's boyfriend looks like Boy George. - DListed

Obama denies being "email buddies" to Scarlett Johansen like she claimed. - The Superficial

Mini-Me actor Verne Troyer has a sex tape. There's a clip if you have a strong enough stomach for it, but I'm filing it under "vomit" along with Gene Simmons' tape. - DListed

Take a Good Look at Madonna's Brother - Because This is the Last Time You'll See This Bitch Alive

Seriously. She's gonna put a hit out on his ass.

Years ago, Maddy and her brother Christopher Ciccone were close. He designed a lot of shit for her. I remember seeing him on the Truth or Dare flick my now ex-friend made me watch about 90 million times while I was friends with that fake bitch.

Well they had a falling-out because Guy Ritchie doesn't like the gays. Why the fuck he married a gay icon, I don't know. Seems a bad choice to me. Probably why they're divorcing! In case you don't know, Chris is the gay brother in the family. There's also an alcoholic and a jealous sister. Don't ask me how I know, I suffered for many years.

Well Christopher has written a tell-all book on the down-low so Madge wouldn't find out. It's due out next month, and I am SO getting it.

According to Page Six: "It's extremely graphic and devastating. He wrote it on the sly without telling Madonna. They want to put it out before her lawyers can get a hold of it."

"Graphic and devastating?" I'm salvating already. And I can hear my ex-friend whining now. "Oh he's just jealous! None of it is true!" It's the same tired old shit he sang when Andrew Morton's book came out and said things he didn't like about his idol. Barf.

That being said, I'm all over this.

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Random Acts of Crap

Hello Photoshop! Pics of Lezzy Lohan looking more hot and less like a truck stop tranny - The Superficial

Tom Hanks is a hero. - IDLYITW

Ashlee Simpson-Wentzy's preggo boobies. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Jessica Alba's baby pictures. - CityRag

George Clooney does not like fake tits. - DListed

Madonna and Guy Ritchie deny they are divorcing. Just ignore the fact that they have both seen big-time lawyers. - In Case You Didn't Know

Maddy's Not Screwing Around

So the rumors are making the rounds again that Madonna's getting ready to kick Guy Ritchie to the curb. They've been "growing apart." Blah. He's just boring her and not making her enough money. Supposedly she's hired Paul McCartney's divorce attorney, Nicholas Mostyn QC and went to see him in London ten days ago.

Also according to Holy Moly Maddy and Guy didn't sign a prenup. I'm calling shenanigans on that one. No effing way Madonna would marry any bitch without a prenup. Nobody gets near that cash.

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Random Acts of Crap

Charlie Sheen got married again, calls marriage to Denise Richards "a con." - DListed

Don't ask Mary-Kate Olsen about Heath Ledger - I'm Not Obsessed

Madonna still looks creepy - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Pam Anderson's boobs are still huge. And the rest of her is still old - The Superficial

Old Boobs!

She probably thinks she's being so edgy right now. Really, I'm not looking at this picture without the blurry line for fear I'll die of revulsion. If you are brave, go here. If you get sick and die, don't blame me. I warned you.

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Madonna is Shocking!

More like revolting. I saw this picture and threw up in my mouth a little. I hope that backup dancer got an antibiotic when she got offstage because God knows what's in that mouth. Screw the antibiotic...she probably needs valtrex and a shot of whiskey. Maddy has sucked a lot of peen in her day. She used to fuck Vanilla Ice. Ugh I'd forgotten about that. She'll fuck anybody, won't she?

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I Wonder What Old Vah-jay-jay Smells Like This Close Up...

It could've been worse. At least she's out of the leotard phase. Poor Justin Timberlake did survive this encounter with the oldest bitch to ever bitch, Madge. I guess they're performing that crap song they recorded together.

During the set, she said this before a song: “All you people I saw sleeping in the street last night, this song is for you.”

Aw, how generous. They're cold, hungry, and homeless, and she's dedicating a song to them. I'm sure all their problems are solved now.

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One's Crazy. One is Queen Bitch. Which One is Which??

Yeah I couldn't figure it out either.

Katie-Kate and the crazy midget showed up at a fundraiser of Madonna's so the crazy got to meet the bitch. Maddy defended the midget for some reason.

“I don't care if people worship turtles or frogs - if they're good people, that's all I care about, and he (Cruise) is a good person. I think he gets a raw deal, just as I think the orphans in Malawi get a raw deal; just as I think a lot of marginalized people get a raw deal."

Hey at least she got to plug her shit. Whatever works.

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Someone Call the British DFS Part Two

You know Madonna makes for damn sure she is plucked, tucked, and aired out so bitch always looks fabulous. Well, as fabulous as one can look when they look like a pickled zombie. Anyways, point is, why do all that shit to yourself to make you look decent and ignore your kid? Poor Lourdes has a unibrow from hell. Would it honestly cost that much to have that taken care of? Seriously!