Random Acts of Crap

Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland will probably rise from the dead to bitch-slap New York for tarnishing their memory with her fat tranny ass. - DListed

Nuns love Steven Tyler. I didn't even know nuns were ALLOWED to listen to real music! - The Superficial

More rumors about Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce. - IDLYITW

Pete and Ashlee Wentzy got a dog. - Friends or Enemies

Parisite Hilton's boyfriend looks like Boy George. - DListed

Obama denies being "email buddies" to Scarlett Johansen like she claimed. - The Superficial

Mini-Me actor Verne Troyer has a sex tape. There's a clip if you have a strong enough stomach for it, but I'm filing it under "vomit" along with Gene Simmons' tape. - DListed

Am I Too Late?

I've been developing a nice uterus-destroying disease to send over to Parasite Hilton in the form of a chocolate penis. 'Cause you know she couldn't resist biting into a chocolate penis. But I'm not done yet and these pictures have been released, and people are speculating that damn Madden got his jizz to close to her and she's now knocked up.

Shit. Someone call the DFS like now. Of course, perhaps she's not preggo. Maybe she's just bloated. A bitch can hope. I'm not done with my work!

Source

Parisite is in Lust.

So if you give a shit, Parisite Hilton is screwing Benji Madden, one of the bitches in the band Good Charlotte. I guess he must be blind to her herpes or some shit because she's declaring her undying love for the ho.

From People Magazine and WWTDD.com: "I've never felt so happy and in love," she declared in a post on her MySpace Celebrity blog Tuesday. "He's such an amazing guy and life has never been better."For the past month the hotel heiress, 27, has been touring – hitting Europe and Africa – with Madden and his band, Good Charlotte."It's so much fun going to their shows every night, I now know every song by heart," Hilton wrote. "All the guys in the band are so cool and sweet and it's been such an amazing and memorable experience."

God I cannot imagine what her vagina must look like. I wonder if she always keeps the bedroom dark because most normal men would run screaming horror-flick-style. "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT! IT HAD PUSS AND TEETH!"

Okay I have no idea.