Life & Style is Full of Shit

I'm coming out of semi-retirement to state that the magazine Life & Style needs to stop the lies. They are hinting on their website that George Clooney has been "getting cozy" with Parisite Hilton. Well, I don't believe for one minute that he would stoop that low, considering I'm sure he doesn't want his nether regions itchy and rashy. I refuse to believe this BS until I see photographic proof. And once that proof has been seen, I hope someone bitch-slaps some damn sense into him. Come on now.

Anywho, back to oblivion.

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Random Acts of Crap

Some guy didn't shave his beard until the new Metallica album came out. Ew. - Seriously OMG

Parisite Hilton works really really hard. At what, I don't know. - The Superficial

Another Brangelina break-up rumor. As if Dame Goddess would allow him to go anywhere without her permission. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Tom Cruise and his robot wife want us to know they are still in loooooove. Or something like that. - DListed

Michael Lohan compares his older daughter to Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie. About the only thing they have in common really is that Angie had a lezzy phase once too. - The Superficial

Random Acts of Crap

Harry Potter is not a virgin. Dumbledore would be so disappointed in him. - DListed

Jamie Lynn Spears sends baby gift to Bristol Palin. Quick! Someone tell John McCain! I'll bet he'll need his Depends changed. - The Superficial

Enzyte CEO gets 25 years for fraud. - AVN

Jason Priesley is one hairy bastard. - DListed

Parisite Hilton calls the paps "annoying." As in, "if they're not paying attention to me, they're annoying." - Pink is the New Blog

Christina Aguilera's boobs are still huge. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of [Afternoon] Crap

Insanity at a Rage Against the Machine concert. Too bad I missed that! I always enjoy getting my ass kicked at a show I paid money for. - IDLYITW

Morgan Freeman is hospitalized after serious car accident in Mississippi. Hope he is all right! (And no, I'm not being sarcastic here.) - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Kathy Hilton is pissed at McCain for the ad where he used Parisite to attack Obama. That'll teach the cow for giving him money. - The Superficial

Snoop Dogg's tour bus busted for pot. Color me shocked. - Hollywood Rag

Random Acts of Crap

Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland will probably rise from the dead to bitch-slap New York for tarnishing their memory with her fat tranny ass. - DListed

Nuns love Steven Tyler. I didn't even know nuns were ALLOWED to listen to real music! - The Superficial

More rumors about Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce. - IDLYITW

Pete and Ashlee Wentzy got a dog. - Friends or Enemies

Parisite Hilton's boyfriend looks like Boy George. - DListed

Obama denies being "email buddies" to Scarlett Johansen like she claimed. - The Superficial

Mini-Me actor Verne Troyer has a sex tape. There's a clip if you have a strong enough stomach for it, but I'm filing it under "vomit" along with Gene Simmons' tape. - DListed

Thank God Someone Has Some Sense!

Page Six is reporting that a popular LA pet shop, The Puppy Store, has refused sale of a puppy to Parisite Hilton. Awesome!

According to the source, she went into the shop to buy a puppy for a photo shoot so "she could look cuter." The store knows about her history of animal cruelty and denied the sale. So according to a witness: "She started screaming, 'I love my puppies! I want my baby!'"



Riiiight. This is the same store that was been investigated for buying inventory from puppy mills so the fact that they wouldn't sell a puppy to Parisite Hilton is amusing as hell to me!

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Random Acts of Crap

Shania Twain blogs about her divorce and broken heart - Celebitchy

Spokeswhore to Parisite Hilton denies pregnancy. I continue work on special utuerus-destroying disease in shape of chocolate penis - The Superficial

Rupert Everett is "bitchy old queen." 'Nuff said - IDLYITW

Bobby Brown's son claims to have nailed Lindsay Lesbian. Hell, before she starting surfing the tuna boat, most every male has. Why do you think she's a lesbo now? She's done all the men in Hollywood - The Superficial

Janice Dickinson's dog ran like hell - A Socialite's Life

Don't call Dwayne Johnson 'The Rock' anymore - Just Jared

Am I Too Late?

I've been developing a nice uterus-destroying disease to send over to Parasite Hilton in the form of a chocolate penis. 'Cause you know she couldn't resist biting into a chocolate penis. But I'm not done yet and these pictures have been released, and people are speculating that damn Madden got his jizz to close to her and she's now knocked up.

Shit. Someone call the DFS like now. Of course, perhaps she's not preggo. Maybe she's just bloated. A bitch can hope. I'm not done with my work!

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I Hope She Gets a Uterus-Eating Disease.

Parisite Hilton is talking about having a kid. Y'know, she just can't let Nicole Richie do anything, she has to do it too. Dumb bitches.

However, don't worry, because she wants to wait until next year. Cue the flesh-eating disease on her womb next year, then.

A dumb bitch says what? "I do want a baby. Pretty soon. Not yet because I'm so busy, but next year."

Has someone told this walking strain of herpes that babies are not like dogs? You can't just lock them in a closet when you want to go out. Animal control may not arrest your ass, but DFS and the cops will. You don't do a couple hours in jail for neglecting a child.

Oh who am I kidding? This kid will be raised by Mexican nannies. Ole!

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Nicole Richie and Parisite Hilton are Misinformed

Apparently Joel Madden went out one night and was seen "flirting" with Lindsay Lohan. In case you don't know [or care], Madden is Nicole Richie's baby daddy.

According to Star Magazine: The trouble started for the new mom after she decided to stay home with their 4-month-old daughter, Harlow, while Joel deejayed at Hornitos' Cinco de Mayo party at Crown Bar in L.A. However, while there, the Good Charlotte rocker seemed more interested in a seductive Lindsay than in spinning records. "Their heads were practically touching, and he had his leg over hers," says one onlooker. "Joel has a flirtatious side, and he definitely wasn't turning her away." Nicole was immediately alerted to the situation by her arch-frenemy Paris Hilton, who sent her a devastating text message: Lindsay was all over Joel! He was so zeroed in on Lindsay, he never heard his cell ring," a friend of the couple tells Star. "Nicole felt so incredibly helpless and upset that she threw her phone against the wall in a rage."

The amusing part is, apparently nobody told Nicole or Parisite that they have nothing to worry about. Lindsay has been eating tuna for a while now. Yes, she has a thing for DJ's. But the DJ must have a vagina. Problem solved, nobody has to kill Lohan.

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This Sounds Stupid

God she looks like a plastic bitch in this picture, right?

So Parisite Hilton and her buddy Nicole Richie are dating the Madden brothers of band Good Charlotte. Parisite thinks they should get married in a double ceremony so they can rake in the cash on photo rights. Sounds about right for the herpes queen.

Says a source: “Paris is doing it all for attention, as usual. It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else."

Well that's a big fat DUH right there.

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Another Really Bad Idea

Parisite Hilton is to star in some reality show in Britian about a dog groomers' store. This is a bitch who had 17 dogs whom she used to keep locked up in closets where the poor rats starved to death. ( http://www.eonline.com/gossip/awful/blind/?uuid=3587202e-83b0-4dd1-9431-5f7006bb743a )

But yeah. This is definately a shitty idea.

Song About Parisite Hilton's Snatch

For real I couldn't have said it any better.

Parisite is in Lust.

So if you give a shit, Parisite Hilton is screwing Benji Madden, one of the bitches in the band Good Charlotte. I guess he must be blind to her herpes or some shit because she's declaring her undying love for the ho.

From People Magazine and WWTDD.com: "I've never felt so happy and in love," she declared in a post on her MySpace Celebrity blog Tuesday. "He's such an amazing guy and life has never been better."For the past month the hotel heiress, 27, has been touring – hitting Europe and Africa – with Madden and his band, Good Charlotte."It's so much fun going to their shows every night, I now know every song by heart," Hilton wrote. "All the guys in the band are so cool and sweet and it's been such an amazing and memorable experience."

God I cannot imagine what her vagina must look like. I wonder if she always keeps the bedroom dark because most normal men would run screaming horror-flick-style. "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT! IT HAD PUSS AND TEETH!"

Okay I have no idea.

THERE IS A GOD!

Parisite Hilton is going to jail, and that is all you gotta say!

A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in L.A. County jail for violating her probation in a reckless driving case. Judge Michael T. Sauer handed down the harsh sentence, telling Paris she will not be allowed work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail. She must do the time!

An emotional Paris, with tears welling up in her eyes, told the judge moments before the decision "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Witnesses inside the courtroom say that Paris' parent, Rick and Kathy Hilton, were both visibly upset as the sentence was handed down. Kathy, we're told, was especially distraught.

Paris will serve her sentence at the Century Regional Detention Facility (CRDF). She will begin her sentence on June 5."

That's right, bitch! Do not pass go, do not collect jack shit. Just take your wonkey eye to jail. First Joe Francis and now this! Oh happy day!!!!

Prince is Awesome

I haven't really paid much attention to Prince since the 80's and the pure awesome that was Purple Rain. I don't care what anybody says, that movie was a fucking classic.

Anywho. He pretty much proved he is still awesome at a concert the other night. He was performing at Club 3121 in Vegas, and noticed that Parisite Hilton was in attendance. He then invited her onstage and proved his awesomeness:

As a "delighted" Hilton obliged, Prince, 48, handed her the mic and told the audience, "Let's see if she can really sing," says the witness. Hilton stormed offstage - and left the club two songs later."

The man deserves a trophy. That story just made my day.

Keepin' the Herpes Contained

Really, if you think about it, these two were made for each other. As long as they don't reproduce, it'd be perfect. Keep the dumb ones together so they don't infect/annoy the rest of us.

Anywho, Queen Parisite of the Herpes and FedEx were at some birthday party and obviously got photographed together. Woo.