Random Acts of Crap

Things that make you want to poke out your eardrums with a Q-Tip: Josh Groban butchering the hell out of your favorite TV show theme songs at the Emmys. Glad I missed that one. - DListed

Protestors outside the premiere of the play All my Sons which of course stars robot wife Katie-Kate Holmes. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Myley Cyrus is a spoiled brat. - DListed

George Michael got arrested outside another public bathroom. He had drugs on him. I'm just as shocked as you are. - The Superficial

Random Acts of Crap

Some guy didn't shave his beard until the new Metallica album came out. Ew. - Seriously OMG

Parisite Hilton works really really hard. At what, I don't know. - The Superficial

Another Brangelina break-up rumor. As if Dame Goddess would allow him to go anywhere without her permission. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Tom Cruise and his robot wife want us to know they are still in loooooove. Or something like that. - DListed

Michael Lohan compares his older daughter to Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie. About the only thing they have in common really is that Angie had a lezzy phase once too. - The Superficial

Yep, They Are Still Creepy.

In case you forgot, Tom Cruise and his robot wife are still the creepiest creeps to ever creep. They look like they'd like to eat your soul, don't they? Don't worry, I have my aluminum foil hat on. I'm safe.

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Random Acts of Crap

Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi to tie the knot - DListed

Mike Meyers is a pain in the ass - IDLYITW

Who won the Daytime Emmys? If you give a shit go here - DListed

Taco Bell pissed off 50 Cent - A Socialite's Life

Jeremy Piven got shot down. Which is the way it should be - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Katie-Kate Holmes sends Nicole Kidman some baby stuff - The Superficial

GAH!

Ew! That's all I can say. I'm about to barf up lunch.

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Did She Escape?

Katie-Kate Holmes is in NYC preparing for her first role on Broadway, and apparently, the midget isn't there with her! The original rumor is that she and Suri were gonna go on their own to do a trial separation from the mothership because shit wasn't going so well. But then I'd heard he was going, but now he's not there? Could it be? Is she free from the creepy?

Probably not. He'll be there soon to check on her programming.

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The Robot and the Midget Move to NYC

Katie-Kate Holmes will make her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. That means she's moving to NYC with Suri and the Angry Midget. Doesn't she look like she's wearing a wig in this picture? Is that part of being a robot wife?

From PlayBill: All My Sons tells the story of a man who hastily sold defective airplane parts to the Army, which caused the crafts to crash, killing 21 men. His crime, which he long had deflected by blaming his business partner, comes back to light as his son plans to wed the partner's daughter.

Look out, New York! Nothing like a pissed off $cientologist loose in the Big Apple. This oughtta be interesting.

If you remember, this was originally when Katie-Kate was going to flee her gay husband with their daughter and he sent her off for reprogramming. Now she's a good little Stepford Wife.

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They Got the Ol' Pillow Back Out!

Ah rumors are floating around about Katie-Kate wanting to get knocked up again, so the angry midget must've placed another order for another kid to be grown in the $cientology cabbage patch. Until then, we get to see the musical pillow game she played when she was "preggo" with Suri.

Although, she's probably not pregnant. She's probably just bloated from all that barley water. If she really was "preggo" he'd be gloating all over town, sucking up the publicity

This picture is from them watching Tom's man-crush, David Beckham, playing soccer.

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Robot Wife is Fully Functional Again

Time to bust out the turkey baster! Katie-Kate is saying what she's been told to say, and yapping about having another kid.

Says a source: "Now that Suri is more toddler than baby, she said she misses having an infant in the house. And, of course, she thinks Suri would make a great big sister."

Really, first, they need to wean their TWO-YEAR-OLD off the bottle. Because that's just sad. More information on the stupidity of this over at my picture source.

The midget must be so happy that the reprogramming worked.

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Oldest Trick in the Book

And it doesn't work either. It doesn't matter how many stairs you stand on, you closeted mess, you are still a crazy-ass midget and your robot wife is still taller than you.

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An Office Under the Stairs?!?!!

Apparently the $cientologists read Harry Potter because in this video, Crazy Midget is giving Oprah a tour of his compound in Colorado, and shows off Suri's little "office under the stairs." What the fuck?

Crazy Midget doesn't act very crazy but Katie-Kate makes an appearance in the beginning and says "I love you" about 14 times. Bitch is malfunctioning. He really needs to check that out later. Maybe send her ass back to bootcamp for reprogramming. Anywho, I'm disappointed. I was hoping for some more couch-jumping fun!

Boo!

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$cientology Boot Camp Would be Fun...

I guess Katie-Kate needed reprogramming. She was talking about taking Suri and fleeing to NYC without the gay midget to do a Broadway show. Well that just is not going to happen and Tommy isn't going to stand for it!

Star Magazine is reporting that Tommy sent the robot wife to Gold Base in Hemet, CA for 3 days. Gold Base is some $cientology compound. According to a source, $cientology boot camp includes: "various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes. Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels." One of the auditing sessions reportedly lasts 36 hours with little sleep and food.

That oughtta fix her up. No free thought for you! Now take this pill and shut up!

Damn and I really had hope too. Bah. I should've known better.

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Can it Be? Did the Pills Wear Off???

Apparently the fog has lifted. Perhaps hell frooze over. I dunno, but this could be awesome.

Rumor has it that Katie-Kate was offered a role on Broadway in NYC, and she wants to move to Manhattan with daughter Suri and do a trial separation from psycho-midget-husband Tom Cruise. Oh, bitch is gonna get fiesty! And by "bitch" I mean Tom, of course.

Star reports: She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there's no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away," an insider tells Star. "There's no way he'll allow it. He just doesn't want Katie - or Suri - out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her." Further, the couple's tug of war over their daughter has intensified as of late. "Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri," says an insider. "He has a lot of rules, and there's conflict."

$3 million is just not enough to spend your entire life being controlled by a very angry short closted gay man. We're rooting for you, Katie! Run like hell, and get some bodyguards because those $cientologists are like the fucking mafia.

Time to Reprogram the Wife!

Apparently the Angry Midget is not approving of his robot wife, Katie-Kate's friendship with fellow robot, Posh Spice. Seems he thinks the reason that Katie-Kate is so skinny is because she's following Posh's advice and following some strict diet.

Because being depressed about being married to a psychotic weirdo has nothing at all to do with it. Whatever he'll reprogram her and give her a few new pills and all is right again.

Is the Mind Control Wearing Off???

Apparently Katie-Kate Holmes has been suffering from headaches, dizziness, and seeing spots for a while now. She's had a fixation on dieting, even though she's already really skinny and has had fainting spells.

Star Magazine says: When Katie recently lunched at her favorite restaurant, L.A.'s Joan's on Third, it was obvious that something was terribly wrong. She seemed exhausted, her skin was pale, and she looked feeble and emaciated. "She gave us a weak smile and wave before leaving out the back door," says an eyewitness at the restaurant. Once outside, a confused and unsteady Katie braced herself against the doorframe before her bodyguard carefully guided her into a waiting SUV."

Although they go on to say her couch-destroying psycho midget husband is to blame. Oh, imagine that.

To complicate matters even further, while Tom goes off for days at a time ("His rule is 'You can be with me, but don't ask about it,'" says a source), Katie is overseeing the interior design of their lavish $35 million Beverly Hills mansion. "To him, the home is a status symbol," says a source, "so it's on Katie's shoulders to pull off something beyond magnificent, something Tom can brag about. She's giving herself headaches thinking about it and making herself sick."

No, don't ask about the mostly naked young male models leaving his room. They were just there to fix the leaky toilet. That's right. Ignore how he smells like man-sex. Just shut up and take another pill and go home.

Tom Cruise is Still Crazy

Yeah we haven't talked about the King of Crazy in a while, so why not.

On the radio this morning, they talked about how $cientologists auditioned potential wives for Tom since he's too gay to find one of his own, thus finding Katie-Kate Holmes. Then I see on IDLYITW.com about how apparently, Katie-Kate, the chick he destroyed Oprah's couch for, was actually his LAST choice.

According to the source:

...ex-Scientologist Marc Headley, abso-Xenu-lutely! Marc, who used to produce promotional films for the religion, spoke to Britain's News of the World and said that following Tom's split from Penelope Cruz in 2004, the megastar told his BFF (and head of Scientology) David Miscavige that he was having trouble meeting women. So the church sent out a casting call that said, "There's an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition." There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties. While a few female Scientologists were rounded up - Traffic's Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami's Sofia Milos - they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. "They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order," Marc says. "Jennifer and Jessica didn't bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn't do a tape..."

"Having trouble meeting women..." Hee hee. Anyways. That oughta make Katie-Kate thrilled that she signed that contract. If she's even allowed to feel anymore unless Tom lets her.