Random Acts of Crap

Brooke Hogan tucks back her penis and wears a bikini. Good job, Brooke. You ALMOST pass. - The Superficial

Will Smith denies again that's he's a part of the $cientology cult. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan and Sam Ronson hate on Sarah Palin via Lezzy's MySpace blog. - The Superficial

Matthew McConaughey finished that triatholon an hour faster than JLo. Boy, she's gonna be pissed that people know that. - WWTDD

Eva Mendes has done the sexy in all 50 states. Alaska was not a good experience, incidentally. I blame Sarah Palin. - DListed

Mary Louise Parker's boobies on Weeds. - Egotastic

Reunited, and it feels so good. (Britney Spears at Starbucks.) - The Superficial

Random Acts of Crap

George Takai (Mr. Sulu of Star Trek) and his partner of 21 years tie the knot. Congrats, guys! - The Superficial

Ashton Kutcher is a high school football coach. For some reason, this amuses me. - Socialite Life

Britney Spears' new album to be released December 2nd. - DListed

Jennifer Lopez competed in a triatholon. Everyone pay attention to her for a minute so she'll shut the eff up. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse is a no-show for her own birthday party. Her reason: she's too ugly to go out. She's just NOW noticing that she looks like a train wreck from hell??? - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

A cabinet punched Kelly Osbourne in the face. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Britney Spears is not doing the VMA's this year. - The Superficial

Gas prices need to be brought under control. Not to make life easier on us poor people, but so Diddy can use his private jet again. Oh the humanity: Diddy is flying commercial. Do other passengers fit on the plane with his giant ego? Him and Kanye could never share a plane. - DListed

Why are less women going to church? Its all Buffy the Vampire Slayer's fault. Right. - HolyMoly

Kate Hudson and her hairdresser get sued. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of Crap

Britney Spears's first interview in 2 years. - DListed

America's Next Top Model to feature a transvestite contestant. So no, its not Tyra. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Dane Cook hates his new movie poster. Whiney asshole should stick to stand-up. - DListed

Jennifer Aniston is single again. Apparently John Mayer got tired of talking about Angelina Jolie and couldn't get past her shrine dedicated to Maddox. - WWTDD

Billy Bob Thornton is the new Freddy Krueger. It almost makes sense. - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Tom Cruise named in lawsuit against $cientology. Somehow I doubt the hobbit is shaking in his panties over this. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Jamie Lynn Spears is gonna marry her baby-daddy. - The Superficial

Britney Spears is doing the nasty with her bodyguard. - IDLYITW

Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie as Catwoman? Makes sense to me. - WWTDD?

Random Acts of Crap

The Dark Knight opened on Friday and broke records. Duh. - IDLYITW

DMX gets arrested AGAIN. Is this dude ever not in jail? - The Superficial

Britney to family: I am not an ATM! Ooookay... - DListed

Top Gun 2? Please say no. - SeriouslyOMG

Patrick Swayze still doing well recovering from cancer. - DListed

Child Custody Thing Might be Settled for Britney and KFed

In the million-year custody hearing between Britney Spears and ex Kevin Federline, an agreement may have been reached according to OK. Shockingly [not] Brit basically signed the kids over to him.

In an exclusive interview with OK!, Kevin's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan says both Britney and Kevin reached and signed off on a settlement in their custody case today. Kaplan tells OK!, "At about 8 p.m. PT, a final settlement in the Kevin Federline-Britney Spears custody case was signed. All parties have agreed to the following: Kevin will retain sole legal and physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James. Britney will continue to have visitation rights which may increase over time. The agreement will be presented to the court in the morning for approval by the commissioner." Kaplan adds, "Kevin is ecstatic and the boys are thriving."

There was a time when I thought no respectful court would give KFed custody of any living thing, even a damned goldfish. Now he seems to have cleaned up enough to be a responsible parent and Britney is the one to worry about. She's seemed to be doing okay over the last few months though, so I hope it stays that way. Sorry, no snark here. I still think the girl was in a severe bad way and actual mental illness is nothing to laugh at.

Back to snark.

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Random Acts of Crap

John Mayer left this hot chick for Jennifer Aniston. Someone get him a mental evaluation, please - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Headway in the custody battle between Britney Spears and KFed. - The Superficial

Rod Stewart licking his wife's nipples. Ew. - IDLYITW

Justin Timberlake has OCD and ADD. I've also heard he's gay, but I don't believe it after seeing him in those boots. - DListed

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt's acting debut with daddy. - I'm Not Obsessed

This Cannot be a Good Idea....

Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson has been counseling Britney Spears. I do not see good things happening from this.

They've already been on vacation together, and apparently yesterday got together for another sesh.

From People: For more than two-and-a-half hours, the singer, 26, and the actor-filmmaker, 52, met in what was confirmed to PEOPLE as a more of an ongoing guidance session than a business pow-wow.

They met at some hoity toity cigar lounge place. Because that's the most private place for counseling. If that's what you wanna call what they're doing. Ew. Where's Daddy Spears? Why hasn't he stepped in on this yet?

Source

Daddy Spears Trying to Bribe KFed

According to Star Magazine, Daddy Spears has been in talks to pay KFed to remarry Britney Spears. Because that worked so well the first time! No, it's because supposedly she's never been as happy as she was when they were married.

According to a source: “His latest offer is $4.5 million in cash and a trust account set up with another $5 million if Kevin moves back in with Britney within a year. If they actually remarry, Jamie will add another $5 million to Kevin’s account.”

However, KFed doesn't like this offer and demands $20 million and to not sign a prenup like he did the first time. Brit Brit doesn't know any of this shit is going on and if she did, I'm sure bitch would be offended. I don't care how nuts you are, this would piss you off.

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Random Acts of Crap

Christina Aguilera takes her wonky boobs out to party - Celebitchy

TMZ and People fighting over picture rights of the Brangelina chosen ones - DListed

Tatum O'Neal bought crack because her dog died - TheSuperficial

Cynthia Nixon's dykey girlfriend hates chick clothes - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Megan Fox likes doing sexy times - The Superficial

Brit Brit Spears circa 1997. She still looks sorta crazy. - IDLYITW

The 2008 MTV Movie Awards were the other night. I know, I don't care either - IDLYITW

Ewwwww! Ew Ew Ew Ew!!!!

The National Enquirer is claiming there's a sex tape about to be released featuring Britney Spears and Adnan Gablibwhateverhisnameis. EW!

"Word is that the video starts with Britney undressing," said the insider. "She was wearing some cheap clothes that she bought down there in Rosarito. The sex wasn't particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout. At one point in the tape Adnan asks the singer to remove the pink bob but she refused. "Adnan tells her to take it off at one point and she says coyly, 'Take what off? There's nothing left to take off.'"

Hey I know I stood up for her a few weeks ago, but it doesn't mean I wanna see her have nasty fat Frappicino-lubed sex with some dude. Just, ew. This to go with the rumor that she is now knocked up with this dude's child. Can't anybody in this family figure out how a condom works?

Source

Britney on the Right Path (No, Not to Insanity...)

So for all the shit I give Britney Spears, secretly I have always hoped she'd get her shit together so she can give a nice middle finger to the media who want her to just go all out, go nuts, and off herself so they can have another Anna Nicole to yap about for years to come. That and so she could get her kids back from that trailer trash hero KFed.

Anywho, she's been on that track for a while now. Yesterday she had a court date, and the ground was laid for more time with her two boys. According to People: "We are so pleased with Britney's progress, and we are appreciative of the court's recognition of this progress," Spears's parents, Jamie and Lynne Spears, said in statement after a hearing attended by the pop star and her ex-husband Kevin Federline.It was not clear how much more time Spears was granted. Federline's attorney characterized the court order as "an expansion of time.""It is a cautious step, but a step forward nonetheless," said lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan. "We are seeing signs of [Britney's] progress, and consistency over time is something welcome by Kevin ... The children are doing great."

I'd heard somewhere she was getting three days a week of supervised visitation, but as I don't remember where I heard it, I'm calling it a rumor. But still, that's not nothing. She's been laying pretty low lately. She got out to her sister's baby shower, but otherwise she seems to be doing better. In spite of what other blogs say, I think she looks better. She's no Angelina Jolie, but compared to how's she's looked in the past I think some bad hair extensions are the least of her worries. Besides, I don't think she should HAVE to be Miss Pop Superstar anymore if she doesn't fucking want to. She's got enough money to live off of if she doesn't spend it all. If she wants to go into retirement, let her. As long as she's got her sanity and she's happy, leave her the fuck alone.

Anyways. Off the soapbox now. Back to bashing the dipshits.

Source

Lynne Spears Does a Lot of Praying

Lynne Spears, the woman responsible for birthing both Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears spoke to Life & Style magazine about her daughters recently.

About Jamie Lynn: "I’m a bit disappointed that my youngest daughter got pregnant at such an early age. All I can do is turn to God for answers and just leave it in his hands. Jamie Lynn will be a wonderful mother She really has a way with children — she’s a natural nurturer. I just wish she had waited a bit.”

I was pretty fucking nurturing at 16, but that doesn't mean I would've been a good mother. Dumbass.

On Brit-Brit: "I pray for Britney every day to be a better mother. She’s gone through a lot of trauma, but she seems to be coming out of it — and it’s showing in her relationship with the boys. They’re really bonding. I think 2008 will be a better year for all of us."

Now we know why one daughter is a knocked up teenager and the other is a head case. Apparently all mom does is pray and leave shit up to God. Last time I checked, dude is pretty busy. Maybe you should pay attention to your damn kids once in a while, lady! Just a fucking thought!

Source

Oh This Should be Interesting.

A few days ago I'd posted about Britney Spears shopping around the idea for a reality show featuring her. Turns out by "reality show" she means "video diaries." This could be entertaining.

Says The Mirror: (Britney) is threatening to release her video diaries, which record her problems over the past six months, on the internet or, worse, MTV.As well as rants about her family and friends, the singer reveals intimate information about her ex, Justin Timberlake, and her rivalry with Christina Aguilera."Britney's video diaries are the talk of the Tinseltown elite," we're told. "Her high-profile friends and exes - including Justin - knew what she was up to but assumed she was filming herself as a form of therapy. If she does decide to go public with the footage, it'll be explosive."Although some of it is really sad to watch - especially the parts where she's close to breakdown - others are dynamite. Not surprisingly both JT and Kevin Federline are terrified the material will end up all over the net.

Either this will be "explosive" or it'll be four hours of some fat, crazy has-been bowing to her Justin Timberlake shrine.

Must Barf TV

Just imagine it. An entire TV show just like this picture. Watching Britney Spears pick belly button lint. And eating cheetos. And rearranging her shrine to Justin Timberlake. I know, exciting right?

Apparently her newly re-hired manager Larry Rudolph has been shopping around a reality show about Brit's oh-so-exciting life around to all the major networks. Somehow, I don't see this one getting picked up.

She believes a reality show is a no-brainer. She can be herself and not have to study lines…Several production companies are interested in a Britney reality show and are willing to pay her millions."..."Larry wants to get Britney back in the game and earning money."

Meaning, HE wants some money.

Yeah, it's easy, and there's no lines, but nobody's gonna watch something that fucking boring. Maybe ten years ago, but now? Not so much.

I see Britney in about ten years like this bitch I saw on Intervention once...laying on the patio in her backyard, drunk, screaming "WHERE ARE MAH BAAAAYYYBEEEES???" at the sky. THAT would be a good reality show.

Here we go, fuzzy, but you get the point:

OK Magazine Has Absolutely Nothing Else to Talk About

Apparently there was nothing else to talk about in this issue, because they interviewed Britney Spears and how BORED she is in her frigging huge mansion filled with clothes so expensive, they'd make me cry.

Although there is a good part of this article that makes it worth noticing. Apparently bitch has a shrine to her ex, Justin Timberlake. No shit?

According to a source: "She's obsessed with him. She has pictures of them together and has devoted a private area just to celebrate him."

That's hilarious. At least she realizes that was the last time in her life that she was considered hot and her veins didn't flow with pure Starbucks.

Britney Spears is Still Crazy

So she vanished with her pap boyfriend and they are apparently in Mexico. At this point, I'm not surprised. Supposedly she went to avoid a planned intervention with the family.

At this point, she's on the crazy train and I hope someone pulls her off soon.

Oh by the way that picture is hella old. I just couldn't be arsed to copy any of the million new ones her stupid photographer boyfriend had shot of them sucking face so he could sell 'em.

Seriously, when KFed is the better dad at this point, that's saying something.

One Hot Mess

This is how you ride the horsey! Look at my saddlebags! Woo!

Hee. Anywho. Britney Spears had her first live performance in three years at the Hard Rock Hotel Cafe in San Diego last night. I'm glad homegirl is trying to get her career back, but she needs to fire whoever let her perform in that getup. She did four old songs, and apparently, she sucked big time.

The comeback didn't hit a high note for everyone, some of whom paid upward of $125 a ticket. "It looked like she lip-synched her way through the whole thing," said a disappointed Morgan Segall, 20, who flew in from San Francisco for the night."

Duh. Don't most pop stars lip sync? But still. It's too bad.

She's got a couple more of these private concert thingies to do, though. Her wig didn't look half bad. (Woo! I said something nice! Everyone calm down!)

One Less Mess

Finally, KFed and Britney got their divorce settled. He gets a mil and they split custody of the kids 50/50. Yeah, I'll bet he's already got that money spent.

Oh well one less mess to drag out. Now if someone would hit Howard K. Stern with a hammer and get that shit overwith, the world would be right again. I'm tired of hearing about this crap on the news.