Where'd the Beehive Go??

Yes I know its been a while for me. I have this little magic thing called "a job" that I must attend to so I can feed myself and my kid. Somewhere KFed is like "What the fuck is she talking about?" Sorry dude, I can't just marry rich and live off my divorce. Some people have to earn a living!

Anywho, on with the show. It appears Amy Winehouse has finally abused her hair enough that its skipped town and joined witness protection. I also have to admit though, the new 'do isn't bad. Definately an improvement.

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Courtney Love is Such a Lady

Aw, how cute. Glad to see someone's keeping the crack dealers in L.A. employed.

Hey dumb bitch, you found your husband's ashes yet? Or did you mistake them for coke and snort them?

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A Match Made in Crack Heaven

Now I see why Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil. He's just sooooooo charming.

Ugh. I'm off to scrub my eyeballs with a Brillo pad and Comet.

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Bitchfight!

And you know who won. The QUEEN bitch, Elton John of course. He's been Queen Bitch since before Lilly Allen snorted her first line.

Anywho, Queen B co-hosted the GQ Awards in London with Lilly Allen and he was getting fed up with her drunk ass.

Allen: “And now to the most important part of the night."
Elton: “What? Are you going to have another drink?”

Woo! And apparently she didn't much like his response there, because she had one of her own: “Fuck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!” Yeah, somehow I doubt he went home and cried into his massive piles of money over that one. To prove my point: “I could still snort you under the table.” Bah! Very true. He could probably snort HER. Seriously. Bitch had a bad habit back in the day. Allen: “Fuck off. I don't know what you are talking about.”

Riiiiiiight. I'm willing to bet my dad's Elton John collection you know exactly what he's talking about. And that's no joke. My dad would kill a bitch for messing with his Elton DVD's. I think he wants to be buried with them, I'm not sure.

Either way, Elton won.

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Just a Recap

In case you forgot, Amy Winehouse defines the term "one hot mess." Here's a rundown!

She canceled a concert just hours before she was due onstage. Amy Winehouse is facing legal action after she pulled out of a concert in Paris just two hours before she was due to headline it. A statement posted on the festival website said organisers had decided to start legal proceedings against her because of the circumstances of her cancellation. “We have still not been given any explanation of the exact reasons for her absence.”

In the past year, she has OD'd twice. The singer, 24, suffered two major overdoses, with such bad convulsions that they were “like a scene from The Exorcist”. And her body is so frail from drug use that doctors were scared she would break bones during a fit.

And let's not forget, she may have brain damage.

Seriously, how much can one human body take? Or is that it? Is she not human? Because that's the only reason I can think of as to why she's not dead yet. Seriously, this zombie and Courtney Love must both be fucking aliens or something. Nobody can ingest this much heroin and still move among the living.

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"Amy is Doing Fine."

And by "fine," Mitch Winehouse means "completely stoned all the fucking time." What a moron. It looks like her face is rotting off. When is someone with a brain gonna step in and do something before Amy Winehouse fucking kills herself??? This shit is not funny anymore. She's killing herself in front of the entire world and all her FATHER can say is that she "is doing fine." IDIOT!

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Amy Winehouse Looks Totally Sober

She was in hospital where a doctor told her to sober up and quit smoking ciggies or she'd be dead in a year.

Sobriety is working out REAL WELL, isn't it?

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This is Amy Winehouse's Mother-in-Law

And boy she looks like she'd kick some ass. No wonder Amy didn't show up for Blake's sentencing. She was scared of this bitch. I would be too! Damn. She looks scary. She might whoop the crackhive in shape, though, you never know. Her name is Georgettte which is fitting. She also has this "Whatever" look. She must've been expecting bad things because Blake got 27 months on top of what he's already served. She's like "Meh. Back home I go."

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Andy Dick Got Arrested

And his mugshot makes him look like a pedo vampire. If you care, check out details here. I just wanted to make fun of his picture. It will come of no shock to you, but it involves drugs, a 17-year-old waitress, and Buffalo Wild Wings. That's all I'm sayin.'

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Amy Winehouse Still Insane

While walking home with her father, for some reason only obvious to crackheads, she ran off into traffic, then asked some dude in a convertible for a ride. Apparently he agreed, because she crawled all over his car, got in, and they took off. She appeared home again later, and walked her crazy ass inside.

Yep, she's still fucking crazy. I guess that means she's not quitting drugs and she's on her own little stairway to hell.

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Amy Winehouse is Not Dying

So she hasn't got emphysema even though that's what her dumbass father was rambling about yesterday. She's got SIGNS of the disease, and if she doesn't quit drugs and ciggs she's going to GET the disease. Whatever. Her dad is still an idiot and here's what he told BBC Radio:

"Amy really hasn't got emphysema, there's traces of emphysema. Obviously, if she doesn't quit smoking, it's going to get worse, like everyone else ... with patience her lungs will recover completely."

According to Mitch, she's not any more predisposed to the diesease than anyone else. Nevermind the fact she does more crack in a day than Whitney Houston did in a year! She's fine. Someone told her to go to rehab, and she said no, no, no.

Fucking idiots.

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Amy Winehouse Needs to Quit Drugs

I know, you're thinking, "Well, DUH!" But this isn't a joke. She doesn't have TB, but emphysema, according to a statement made by her father to The Daily Mail. Mitch Winehouse has said the doctors told his daughter to quit the drugs, cigs, and other shit she does otherwise she'll be in a wheelchair with oxygen within a month.

More from daddy: "The doctors have said that if she had continued the way she was going she could have ended up an invalid - she wouldn't have been able to breathe. With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up. There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She's got 70 per cent lung capacity."

Perhaps now he'll see she needs more than to "settle down and have kids" to quit drugs. Seriously, this chick is in a bad way and doesn't need enablers in her life.

He goes on to say that he's spoken to her husband, Blake, who is currently in prison. Blake promised to quit when he gets out for Amy's sake. He's also got a warning for the dealers who sell Amy her shit, as well as her friend Pete Doherty.

"I'm saying to those drug dealers, and they know who they are, if they are supplying crack to Amy, then they've got to take responsibility. I don't want her hanging out with her mates like Pete Doherty either."

Nowhere does it say where he takes responsibility himself for being a fat enabler. Oh well. Hopefully while he's busy spreading the blame, she'll figure out she needs to get healthy on her own. Otherwise I don't see this chick making it to 2009.

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Amy Winehouse May Have TB

The Sun UK is reporting that Amy Winehouse is being kept in hospital because she's been coughing up blood which can be indicative of tuberculosis. Or just a crackhead. I'm sure that's not good on the body either. Whatever, I'm not a doctor!

The 24-year-old Back to Black star has an irregular heartbeat and has been on a drip while medics try to wean her off hard drugs.Last night a close pal told The Sun:"Amy is in a bad way. Doctors are still struggling to control her heartbeat but the chest condition has been really worrying them."She’d been been suffering horrible coughing fits and hurling up blood for a while but refused to be examined. Doctors now believe it is tuberculosis and are doing more tests to be certain."

We shall see.

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Drugs Are Bad!

Yeah ya think? Amy Winehouse is in hospital for passing out and some genious doctor told her: "Quit drugs now — or die." Wow he thought about that one for a long time, didn't he?

Brain scans have been done that show her medical problems all link back to her drug problem. Well double-duh, there. I don't even have a diploma and only have half a brain most of the time, and I coulda told you that.

Nothing like some Captain Obvious shit to get the morning started off right.

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Someone's Been Hitting the Crack Pipe. Besides Amy.

This other dude in the picture is one of the human beings responsible for Amy Winehouse. Its her dad, and I think he's a crackhead too. Apparently he thinks if Amy got knocked up and had a kid, that would fix everything.

"As for the drugs, she will get bored with them because the desire for children will take over. Amy knows that if she and Blake are going to have kids then she has to be in perfect health. I honestly think that in two years she will be fit, healthy and having babies - motherhood will be her drug."

This shit bugs me. You don't have a kid to "fix" anything. A kid shouldn't have to come into the world with a job to do. And I don't know what planet this dude is on, but I don't see Amy dropping the crack just because the EPT test told her she was knocked up. And I would hate to see a baby that she birthed. It makes me sad thinking about it.

Whatever I'm not worried about it. In two years, she'll either still be a crackhead, or she'll be dead. There's no "healthy and having babies" if he's going to continue ignoring her problem instead of trying to get her help like a normal family would.

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See? I Was Right. He's Going to Rehab.

Did you know Gary Dourdan was in Aliens: Resurrected? Hey me neither. I was flipping through the cable the other day and thought "Hey! That's Warrick with dreads!"

Anyways. He isn't going to jail, just rehab. Color me shocked.

He plead guity to possession of cocaine and ecstacy and was told he was to complete a drug treatment program then the charges would be dropped. Damn that's light! I need to move to California.

Says Gary's lawyer: "He very much regrets what happened and he's very embarrassed by what occurred, but he's looking forward to moving on and getting back to work. He is very grateful to the court for being understanding and giving him an opportunity to resolve the issue and move forward."

After he gets himself all better he needs to head back over to CSI. Because I don't know how I would survive without the man-loving between Warrick and Nick Stokes. It's gonna suck next season without that or the older-lady-with-botox thing he had going on with Catherine. Hey shut up that show is my crack and I'm addicted like Amy Winehouse any day of the week.

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Lunch Ruined - AGAIN!

It's like watching the birth of AIDS and herpes and bird flu and the clap all at once. Seriously. It's like a match made in crack heaven.

Amy Winehouse threw a party and of course, fellow crackhead Pete Doherty atteneded. God forbid a camera NOT be there when he decides to kiss her goodbye. Ew.

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See? I Was Right. Next Stop: Rehab!

Gary Dourdan has been officially charged with possession of a lot of drugs. His tired as hell excuse that they weren't his didn't work. This is my surprised face.

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As Usual....

Someone gets busted with a pharmacy of drugs in their car. Does that someone fess up and admit to the crime? Hell no!

Earlier I posted about Gary Dourdan's awesome night and arrest. When asked about the situation, he told Access Hollywood: "I am blessed that the Sgt. realized that the luggage carrying whatever they found was not mine and that my tests have been coming back negative. I've been happy to cooperate in any way to clear myself and go on with my blessed life."

Meaning: "That shit wasn't mine."

Right. Like I said before, next stop: REHAB!

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Gary Dourdan Had a Rough Night

Gary Dourdan plays Warrick Brown on one of the best shows in television history: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. He was arrested yesterday in Palm Springs on suspicion of possessing heroin, cocaine, ecstacy, and prescription drugs. Holy crap, that's a combonation!

He was found asleep in his car at 5 in the morning and the cops took his ass to jail where he bailed out later.

Apparently, he's set to leave the show after this season. What?!?! No more Warrick? No more man-love between him and Nick? No more skeezy Mrs. Robinson vibe with Catherine? Damn that sucks.

Anywho, next, rehab!

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