K Fed Discovers Soap

So someone stopped K Fed, and said "Hey man, the body odor smell? It's not doin' it for ya. Try this, it's called 'soap.'" And voila, these photos for Item magazine are born, with K Fed looking like a normal human who doesn't crawl around in trailer parks scamming for cash.

Anywho, he "cleared up" some shit. And by "cleared up" I mean "he is so full of bullshit it's not funny.

On rumors: "You'll never see that guy they say cheats or goes partying all the time. If I'm there and I'm out at a club, I am there for a reason. I am not there to mingle with women. All that shit is done to me. I did that when I was 21."

On his kids: "It's completely unfair when a child is brought into this world an now he's already looked at like a prince. My kids are going to have to learn what a real job is, what life is. You don't have it easy with me. Period....My kids are going to work at Taco Bell, dammit."

On his image: "I wish people would ask me about my career. Usually it's, 'How's the wife and kids?' Not that I mind; that's my pride and joy. But it would be nice for people to look at me like an artist. The day they judge me as an artist, a CEO, as somebody, not Britney Spears' husband, that's the day I am looking forward to."

On his media conspiracy theory: "The same day Dick Cheney shoots someone, they've got me on the cover of MSN [Web site]. It's life they're diverting attention from what's really going on."

Oh my GOD, K Fed! You're totally right! It's a CONSPIRACY against YOU. Give me a break. This dude is dumber than a box of hair. You're not an artist, you're a mooch.

And "You don't have it easy with me?" Can you say "Hypocrite?" I knew you could. Mr. Leech-Off-the-Wife? Give me a break! He looks like a human, but he still talks like a dipshit.

There are a couple more pictures of K Fed looking like he doesn't smell at the link in the title.

More Liz!

Ran across this photo of Liz Taylor on Larry King on HollywoodRag.com with her jewelry that's she's designed. Some of it is pretty! It's like prom stuff, but it looks fun.

Chestica Buys Up "Team Jessica" Shirts

Chestica has never been one to take good care of that poor dog, (anybody who watched Newlyweds has seen how funky and greasy that dog looks) but in this picture, the poor thing just looks pathetic. C'mon, Chestica, you have tons of money, get the doggie to the groomer!

Anywho, in other pathetic Chestica news, the trendy Kitson Boutique in L.A. has been selling two types of shirts: one that reads "Team Nick" and another that reads "Team Jessica." The "Nick" shirts have been outselling the "Jessica" shirts 40 to 1. Chestica was in one of these boutiques and saw how the pile of "Jessica" shirts was way higher than the "Nick" shirts, so what did bitch do? Buy up all the "Team Jessica" shirts to make herself feel better. Wow. That's amazing. She's even dumber than she looks.

Jennifer Aniston Reacts to Brangelina Baby...And Nobody Cares

As if Brangelina needs any sort of acknowlegement from eternally boring and untalented Jennifer Aniston, (if you need proof of her lack of talent, look at the last like, five movies she's done) she's finally responded to the birth of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt.

A friend close to Jen allegedly said, "Jen got the news late on Saturday afternoon." "And at first she was really surprised because she had heard it was going to be a boy. After some debate with Vince Jen decided to call Brad's manager and give congratulations from them both. "I think Jen is really proud of herself for swallowing her pride and getting over her personal feelings to pass on her best wishes to the whole family. But Jen also says she's as curious as anyone else to see what the baby looks like, and for her, that's where the real suspense is!"

When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston originally broke up, he said it was because she didn't want to have kids yet, and Jennifer, if I remember right, quoted that reason as well, since she wasn't ready or some shit. So they split, he finds someone that WANTS kids, and the rest of us have to endure the whining about how "mean" and "insensative" Brad is for getting a girlfriend who is light ages hotter than Aniston? I know it sucks to be upgraded, but shut the hell up, Jennifer. Nobody cares anymore. Blah.

Another Baby Bump Rumor

Some are saying that Sandra Bullock is pregnant, but these pictures really don't show anything one way or the other. So it's just the rumor mill spinning uselessly again, I guess.

These pictures are of her and hot hubby Jesse James at LAX.

More of Britney and Her Manny

Britney Spears and Perry the Manny, along with his pectoral muscles, are out on a walk, looks like. Funny how since she got back from NYC, Brit Brit has NOT been photographed with husband K Fed at ALL, but we have all these pictures of her and Manny Muscles. Hmm....

My Daily Amusement

If you require further proof that Paris Hilton is an idiot, here ya go. Today's Daily Amusement is Paris Hilton singing "Happy Birthday" to Hugh Hefner. Her voice is mediocre at best, but she feels the need to add a little "unh" at the end of each line. Which is annoying.

Anywho, on with the fun:



Anybody who has the nerve to tell me Paris Hilton is talented after watching this can just listen to me laugh until I require hospitalization. Seriously.

Paris Hilton Has Fans! And They Hate Pink!!

First, let me get over the fact that there are people out there who actually think Parisite Hilton has talents other than tramping up the red carpet with her crotch crabs. Hee.

Okay, onto the story here. Rock singer Pink was giving a speech to about 700 girls in Toronto regarding her new album, with that kick ass song Stupid Girls wherein Pink pokes fun at all the dipshit females in Hollywood today.

When she was done, some no-talent, zitty 15-year-old bitch had something to say.

When Pink was finished, a nasty 15-year-old girl screamed at her: "Maybe you put down girls like Paris because you are soooo fat and UGLY!"

"You're just jealous because Paris has talent."

What talent? Looking like a giant ho on night vision cameras? Having the same vapid facial expression for every single camera that might have the bad luck to fall upon her? To look incredibly NASTY in a swimsuit?? (Proof: http://trent.blogspot.com/2006/05/and-in-other-news.html )

I can't BELIEVE there are actually girls in the world who look up to that trash. I mean, I knew they existed, but I figured they'd be too ashamed to show themselves in public like that.

ETA: Oh man, I just found this and HAD to add it in case some Parisite supporter wandered over and tried telling me I was wrong about her. Click this link, and watch this clip of the dimwit dancing to Rod Stewart's Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? at some party. Oh this shit is rich.

Video Clip of Hilarity: http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/05/somebody-push-her.html

Dave Grohl Isn't Dead

Some internet rumor started that Dave Grohl had died. A friend of his and his wife's even called his cell phone to offer sympathies to his wife about Dave's death!

Talking about how he found out about his alleged demise, he explained: "I got a phone message from a friend saying 'Er I guess... Jordyn [Grohl's wife]... this is maybe... for you. I'm so sorry to hear what happened'. I heard this message and went 'What the fuck?'. They were leaving a message on my cell phone saying 'I'm sorry Dave died'.

"That was weird, but I guess I've finally graduated to that status of being an internet rumour. It weirded me out a bit, but it's stupid. I'm like a cockroach, don't worry, I'll be around for a long time."

Well thank GOD for that. Dave has to hang around for a while to help save the state of music today. Between his band, Nine Inch Nails, Dave Matthews Band, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, they have a long road ahead of them. The K Feds and the shitty emo bands may come up against them, but they will prevail.

Ashlee Simpson Gets Uglier

Apparently, after her nose job, Ashlee Simpson decided to go and make herself even more Chestica like. She got her lips done, so now she looks like a dead fish too. One more trip to the surgeon, to get giant tits, and she IS her sister.

Honestly, what do these bitches think? "Oh, I don't like my lips how they are: normal and human-like. I need to go out and have them blownup so it looks like I got punched in the face and the swelling hasn't gone down yet."

Mariah's Legs Poised to Take Over New York

Doesn't that giant leg statue freak you out? Like they're gonna walk off on their own and take down a city? Or is it just me? Okay, yeah it's just me.

Okay, maybe I'm a skeptic, but that ugly statue totally doesn't look like Mariah Carey's legs at all. But I guess if you take a model of a person's legs, and blow them up to like 15 feet tall, they aren't going to look right. So I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

Mariah recently signed on to be the spokesbitch for Gilette, the bitches who make that Venus razor.

Anybody remember that movie A Christmas Story? Remember the lamp the dad won? The giant leg? I totally thought of that when I ran across this story.

Someone Comfiscate His Razors! NOW!

Okay so the summer leg of the Nine Inch Nails tour has begun. They aren't coming anywhere close to me, but I still make my daily visit to the NIN website. I've discovered, like in the photo above, that Hot Shit King Trent Reznor has started rockin' a shorter buzzed hairstyle. I know it's summer, and this is probably cooler on the noggin,' but I have mixed feelings. When he first started doing the shorter hair, I got used to it, and enjoyed it. But I still liked to close my eyes and dream of the lusty, sexy, long hair days of yore.

Example:



See what I mean? That was hot shit. Now, with the ultra-short look, I'm not sure if I can get into it. Oh well. At least I can still enjoy the muscley arms and hot ass. See? There's a silver lining in everything.

Oh and because it's fun, can you find the Trent Reznor hanging with his dog in this photo?

Lohan to Move to England...YAAY!!

So rumor has it that she's got a thing for some dude in England, so she's thinking of buying a home there. A UK magazine is speculating that the male in question is Harry Judd of the UK boy band McFly, whom she met while filming that last shitty movie she was in. She recently told Interview magazine: "I want to get a place in London. I kind of like a boy in London."

Moving to another country because you have a crush? Hilarious. But apparently, this is more than a crush. There's a rumor that she fucked Judd in a bathroom in New Orleans. Classy shit. (Source: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/article/ds19733.html )

The pictures are from the Interview mag. She's channeling Liz Taylor obviously, and she actually looks kinda hot. She still has the herpes though, so I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot-pole.

Eva Longoria's a Bitch

Recently, Eva Longoria went out to eat with Mario Lopez (who is of Saved by the Bell fame if you don't already know) and I guess she thought she was hot shit, because that bitch got mad about paying her tab.

Her bill was only $17 and Eva handed her a $100 bill. When the waitress brought her change back, Eva grabbed it from her and sneered at her and said "Celebrities should be comped!" She then stormed out without leaving a tip.

Okay first, why the crap should celebs be comped? Bitches have more money than God, pay up and shut up, Eva.

Second of all, when Desperate Housewives ends, and even though it is hot shit, it will end, I officially curse Eva Longoria to be forced to work at Denny's. In L.A. So when some "celeb" comes by and stiffs her a tip, she can know what it feels like.

This is my pet peeve, folks. I'm sorry. Don't treat customer service workers like shit. It's like Tyler Durden said:

"We cook your meals, we drive your ambulances. We connect your calls, we guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us."

Ever seen that flick Waiting? That shit REALLY HAPPENS. I know people who used to work in restaurants. Don't fuck with the people who make your food. Now that this has published, Eva might as well stay in and cook. Bitch will be eating spit-on food til the end of time now, and she deserves it.

Sorry for the rant, but seriously. We're not talking about an Oscar winner here. Just some TV actress.

Oh, I have to say this, it's the shallow in me: Bitch looked a hot mess in that raggy ass dress with her tits hanging out. There. I feel better.

Adrianne Curry and a Brady Get Hitched

Those two bitches who met on VH1's The Surreal Life, Adrianne Curry, from America's Top Model fame, and Christopher Knight, from The Brady Bunch got married. Wooo. Those are some pictures. Her dress is cute, but I've seen better.

Like, whammo:



The new Mrs. Trump was hot shit. Oh and...



Forgive the tiny picture, but it's all I could find. Gwen Stefani designed her own gown, and it was BEAUTIFUL.

Anywho, yeah. Adrianne Curry's dress was booorrrrr-ring.

K Fed Being an Ass....What Else is New?

Recently, K Fed blew $300,000 on a watch. But apparently, for once, it wasn't Britney's money. Apparently, $300,000 is the exact amount he was paid for recording a record and doing a tour to promote it. So at least he wasn't pissing away Brit Brit's money, just his own. So now he's back to leeching off her.

Also, Britney has quit telling K Fed things, because he tells his buddies, who sell it to the press. Supposedly, K Fed knows they do this, but keeps telling them shit anyways.

“All he does is work on his music and try to find ways to get out,” a source told the mag. “That is all he cares about. It has taken a big toll on their marriage because he's not always there for her and he used to be.” What's more, Spears suspects that K-Fed is responsible for some of the leaks to the tabloids about the couple's private lives. “Britney knows Kevin tells his friends information, knowing they will leak it to tabloids,” a source close to Spears told Us. She has taken to not telling her hubby certain things — including that she was going to announce her pregnancy on David Letterman — for fear the info would be leaked to his buddies. “They sell stories for money. ... She is sick of him using her for them to profit.”

Geez. When is she gonna get tired of his shit? Seriously.

Also, sorry I used that dorky picture of K Fed again. But you have to admit, that picture is hilariously pathetic, right? Right.

Elizabeth Taylor Laughs at Ahlzeimer's Rumor

So I was right to be skeptical of the Enquirer regarding Liz.

Elizabeth Taylor was on Larry King Live yesterday and scoffed at rumors that she was suffering from Ahlzeimer's Disease, but went on to say that she uses a wheelchair because of back pain.

Appearing on CNN's "Larry King Live," the 74-year-old actress and two-time Academy Award winner described herself as happy and busy with a new venture designing jewelry -- "one of my passions" -- and said she remains active in the fight against
AIDS' name=c1> SEARCHNews News Photos Images Web' name=c3> AIDS.

Asked about the recent flurry of tabloid stories on her health, a feisty Taylor answered: "Oh come on! Do I look like I'm dying? Do I look like or sound like I have Alzheimer's?"

King replied, "no," and asked what she thought prompted such headlines.

"I think they're trying to sell magazines," she said. "Some audience out there ... they like scandal. They like filth. And if they want to hear that I'm dead, sorry folks. I'm not. And I don't plan on it."

She looked better than she has been looking, though! She doesn't look all out of it and whoozy. She's channeling the Young Liz here!

Mariska Hargitay Ready to Pop

Here is Law & Order: SVU star Mariska Hargitay and her hubby walking along the beach. Mariska is an adorable pregnant lady, and she's due like any minute. She's hot by association because she works with the Hot Shit that is Christopher Meloni.

Anywho. Is her husband cute? Why is he wearing the big ol' straw hat? Does he have a wart?

Courtney Love to Ghost Write Book of Her Diaries

So I am a tad curious how a diary of C. Love's would read: "Woke up. Snorted stuff. Fell over. Stuck finger in light socket. Liked hair, kept it."

But anyways, I guess she's publishing a book she's ghostwritten of her diaries, including an account of some of the last days she spent with late husband Kurt Cobain in the days before his being put in rehab, wherein he later escaped and commited suicide. Regarding Kurt:

Love also reveals matters closer to her heart with the entries about her late husband's suicide, such as a note written soon afterward reminiscing about happier days. On April 17, 1994, she wrote, "Exactly one month ago today was the last time I made love with my husband. I cooked him dinner. We spent four hours in the playroom with Frances. We saw 'Schindler's List.' It made us frightened for life and we saw the value of life. Our convictions we defined until 4 a.m. and we fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up that way in the morning."

Although she hates to admit it to herself, she writes, "Rome was a huge cover-up," meaning that Cobain's Rohypnol-and-champagne overdose on March 4, 1994, was actually a suicide attempt. "I see it now. I just didn't want to see it then. Last night, I re-read the note he left in Rome. It's so obviously a suicide note, so f---ing obvious."

Apparently also published in the book are some notes from her childhood. Mostly I'll probably read it for her talking about Kurt as I am curious to see how she tries to make herself look good there. I'm a HUGE Nirvana fan and I think since Kurt died, all Courtney has given a shit about is how much money she can make off the catalog considering her own musical "talent" is fucking lacking, to say the least.

Anyways, I'm fucking curious, I'll probably read this shit. If it doesn't make me dumber than C. Love, then we're good.

The book is due out in November of this year sometime.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes, today, 24 years ago, I was born. And it was good.

This picture is of me last year winning $100 off a local radio station. Which was awesome.

No Suri Yet

Okay so, when I was in high school, I used to watch Young & Restless the shitty soap opera. When the characters had a kid on there, you saw the baby ONCE, like at "birth," then you didn't see it again til the kid was school-aged and they'd hired a child actor. Y'know, like four months down the road.

So my theory is this: We may or may not see baby Suri Cruise. If we do, that's all we'll see til they get the permanent kid. They'll borrow some random baby pictures to pass off as the kid til they buy their kid from Russia or wherever.

Anywho, the pictures are Katie-Kate Holmes and Tom Crazy Cruise playing in a park or something. In case we forgot, they are "so in love" or something. So they decided to goof off in this park to remind us.

OH I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER!!!

Can I just say that I freaking LOVE the New York Post right now? They basically called out Jennifer Aniston for being a boring, shitty actress. In the form of a "Dear John" type letter. I'm so gonna quote the whole letter, because this shit has made my day:

JEN, we need to talk. We really don't know how to say this. It's so hard, you know.

After "Friends" and stuff, it seemed so good between us. We really liked you in "Office Space" and "The Good Girl." And you were even halfway decent in "Along Came Polly."

But then you went and tried out this whole Hollywood star thing. You booked all these big movies. And, we can barely say this, they were terrible. No wonder Brad left.

I mean, really: "Derailed," "Rumor Has It," and now "The Break-Up," which we saw - and it was every bit as awful as a real breakup.

We'll give you "Friends With Money," but mostly because we like Frances and Katherine. Maybe you should get more into indie flicks.

Don't get mad. We really hope we can still be friends. But for now, umm, can we have our keys back? And those White Stripes CDs you borrowed? Thanks.

The "letter" is signed Isaac Guzman, so it's safe to say I fucking LOVE that person. Oh that has made my poor hungover head SO HAPPY. What a great way to start the week.

But seriously, does bitch TRY anymore? Or is she just "give me whatever script you have on the bottom of the pile...you know, the one you were gonna line the cat litter box with? Yeah, I want to do THAT movie."

Michael Jackson Goes to Japan

Michael Jackson came out of hiding to go to Japan to accept a Japanese MTV Music Award. These are a couple pictures of him being creepy, as per usual. At least some things stay the same! He WAS aquitted, but he still freaks me out and if I ran into him in a dark alley, I'd either run screaming, or play Thriller. Depends on if I have my boombox handy.

Oprah Hates Rap

Rapper/actor Ice Cube has voiced his opinion that TV mogual Oprah Winfrey dislikes rappers, and thusly, does not book them for her show for interviews.

The rapper-actor (real name: O'Shea Jackson), 36, says of his 2002 snub, "For Barbershop she had Cedric the Entertainer and Eve on, but I wasn't invited. Maybe she's got a problem with hip-hop."

Questioning Winfrey's booking policy, Cube also says: "She's had damn rapists, child molesters and lying authors on her show. And if I'm not a rags-to-riches story for her, who is?"

Spokeswhores for Oprah refused to respond directly to Ice Cube's comments.

Rapper/actor 50 Cent (real name: Curtis Jackson) has also voiced his suspitions regarding Oprah:

Recently, 50 Cent (real name: Curtis Jackson), complained that Winfrey "caters to old white women" and rarely invites rappers on her show. Ludacris (real name: Chris Bridges) told GQ magazine that the media mogul was "unfair" to him during a show he appeared on last October with costars from Best Picture Oscar winner Crash.

During a radio interview in New York City, Oprah tried to dispell rumors that she didn't like rap:

Earlier this month on a New York radio show, Winfrey, 52, responded to charges of her anti-hip-hop bias. Speaking to DJ Ed Lover, she said: "I listen to some hip-hop. You know, I've been accused of not liking hip-hop, and that's just not true. I got a little 50 (Cent) on my iPod. I really do. Love In Da Club. ... Love that, and you know, love Jay-Z, love Kanye (West), love Mary J. (Blige)."

Who, Oprah Winfrey, a snob?? Oh NO never.

Brangelina Births!

Of course, she births when I'm off work, and not blogging. Figures.

Anywho, on Saturday night, Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie gave birth to daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt with man-slave Brad Pitt. Mother and baby are doing well. She's going to spend a few days in hospital, before returning to the seaside spa where her and the fam have been staying.

Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe to Divorce

Earlier in the year, Hillary Swank and husband Chad Lowe were doing a trial separation, but now have decided to divorce after eight years of marriage.

TWICE IN ONE DAY????

MORE pictures of Nicole Richie with food! Although, these pictures don't show her actually EATING the food, so I'm not convinced.

NOOOO NOT YET!!!

Reports are saying that Angelina Jolie is in hospital in Nambia getting ready to birth the hottest baby ever.

The actress' doctors convinced her to give birth by Caesarean section yesterday due to a minor complication, according to American publication In Touch.
But insiders insist the birth will be "routine" when the 30-year-old becomes a natural mother for the first time later today.
Jolie and her boyfriend Brad Pitt along with their adopted children Maddox and Zahara have been holed up in a compound at Namibia's Burning Shore resort for almost two months awaiting the arrival of their first child together.
The baby will be born in a local hospital, according to the In Touch insider after Jolie was advised against giving birth naturally, as planned, at her Swakopmund resort home late last week.
Earlier too Jolie had said that if the baby didn’t make it into the world by June 3, she will have labour induced at the beginning of next month.

Nooo! C'mon, Dame Goddess Angelina! Hold onto the baby for just 3 MORE DAYS! If I could share my birthday with the coming of Christ Jolie-Pitt, I could die a happy girl! PLEASE???

Chestica is Lookin' Pretty Fug Lately

For someone trying to woo their estranged husband back home, she seems to be going about it the weird way. Unless she's trying the "Look! I'm a mess! I'm wearing butt-ass ugly boots and a ghetto hoodie in 80 degree L.A. weather! Come and fix me!"

It's gonna take more than Nick Lachey to fix THIS mess. She's gonna need a gay dude and a magician.