Trailer Trash Awesome!

I was planning on getting this site back up and rolling this weekend when I had more time, but this is too awesome to wait.

In true trailer trash fashion, Britney Spears' 16-year-old sister Jaime Lynn is knocked up. Oh yeah, this is beyond great. The soccer moms are gonna shit themselves. The Nickelodeon star is preggo.

According to IDLYITW.com: A source tells us the interview, which hits stands tomorrow, is six pages and is on the record with Jamie Lynn and her mother. She tells the mag that the father is Casey Aldridge, who she has been dating for some time and first met at church. Brit's younger sister, star of Nick's "Zoey 101," says she's keeping the baby."

I heard on the radio that Jamie broke the news to her family on Thanksgiving. That is awesome. I've decided this entire family is retarded. The only one with half a brain is mom, and all she can do is clean up the mess.

Oh yeah, and there's a rumor that Brit is knocked up too. God forbid she at least be smart enough to figure out how to take a damn pill every day.

Anywho. Happy holidays everyone!

Who Misses Me?

George missed me. Aw, I missed you too! You freaking hottie, you.

Yeah in reality probably nobody since it's been so freaking long since I posted a damn thing. But alas, unemployment and motherhood are a timesucker. The motherhood bit is great, but the unemployment sucked a fat Britney Spears ass.

Anywho. I shall post when I have time, which won't be as often as before. But I'll do my best.

I Promise I Didn't Die

So I didn't die. I just had a kid.

May 22nd, 12:28PM, Connor was born. 8lbs, 3oz, and a friggin' 13 inch around head. Lemme tell ya, I felt THAT.

Anywho, all is well. I'll be back to bitching in no time.

THERE IS A GOD!

Parisite Hilton is going to jail, and that is all you gotta say!

A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in L.A. County jail for violating her probation in a reckless driving case. Judge Michael T. Sauer handed down the harsh sentence, telling Paris she will not be allowed work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail. She must do the time!

An emotional Paris, with tears welling up in her eyes, told the judge moments before the decision "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Witnesses inside the courtroom say that Paris' parent, Rick and Kathy Hilton, were both visibly upset as the sentence was handed down. Kathy, we're told, was especially distraught.

Paris will serve her sentence at the Century Regional Detention Facility (CRDF). She will begin her sentence on June 5."

That's right, bitch! Do not pass go, do not collect jack shit. Just take your wonkey eye to jail. First Joe Francis and now this! Oh happy day!!!!

Please God, Let This be a Rumor....

Someone's making a film of the life of the legendary Freddie Mercury, late amazing frontman to the band Queen. This part is okay. The next part isn't. Supposedly, they've cast Sacha Baron Cohen as the amazing Freddie.

Says a source: "Film makers are working flat out to get the best possible script. Sacha loves the idea he can get away with playing Freddie after modeling Borat's look on him."

The film will showcase Freddie's life from his rise to fame to his death from complications from AIDS in 1991.

Someone channel Freddie. He needs to rise from the dead and bitch slap a ho for this!

One Hot Mess

This is how you ride the horsey! Look at my saddlebags! Woo!

Hee. Anywho. Britney Spears had her first live performance in three years at the Hard Rock Hotel Cafe in San Diego last night. I'm glad homegirl is trying to get her career back, but she needs to fire whoever let her perform in that getup. She did four old songs, and apparently, she sucked big time.

The comeback didn't hit a high note for everyone, some of whom paid upward of $125 a ticket. "It looked like she lip-synched her way through the whole thing," said a disappointed Morgan Segall, 20, who flew in from San Francisco for the night."

Duh. Don't most pop stars lip sync? But still. It's too bad.

She's got a couple more of these private concert thingies to do, though. Her wig didn't look half bad. (Woo! I said something nice! Everyone calm down!)

Heartless Bitch

So just when I can almost forgive Courtney Love for being a giant whore, she goes and fucks it all up.

Bitch was yapping about how she supposedly still sleeps in late husband Kurt Cobain's pajamas, but then she decides she's gonna sell off all his stuff.

"I still wear his pyjamas to bed. Howam I ever going to go form another relationship in my lifetime wearingKurt's pyjamas?

" I'm going to have a Christie's auction. My house is like a mausoleum. Mydaughter Frances doesn't need to inherit a giant bag full of flannel f***ingshirts.

"A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' - that'swhat my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just f***ing sell.

"Everyone's been positive and behind me on it. We'll make a lot of money andgive a bunch of it to charity."

Of course they're supportive! They're hoping you'll share some of the damn wealth. Kurt Cobain made over $50 million last year and he's dead! So all that money went to C. Love. What'd she do with that money I wonder? How is it that she was so damn broke that she had to sell 20% of the Nirvana catalog to some random music mogual? And she'd best not be selling his journals...that's just heartless...but look who we're talking about here.

And what if Frances Bean would like more than a sweater, a guitar, and some lyrics? Poor thing never got to know her dad.

Ugh. It's safe to say I hope bad things happen to this bitch. I can understand wanting to move on, but seriously. Think of your kid for once.

Oh HELL No!

Some crazy bitch got herself obsessed with Sandra Bullock. So what does she do? Tries to kill the hottest man alive. She should fry.

Cops say that Bullock, along with James' 10-year-old child, looked on in horror as Marcia Valentine "attempted 3 or 4 times to run Jesse James over with her silver Mercedes." Jesse was never struck by the car during the alleged incident.

We're told Valentine also "laid in the driveway and wouldn't move."

Orange County Sheriffs were contacted and responded to the scene, but Valentine allegedly fled before they arrived. After an intense manhunt, officers located Valentine early Monday morning and took her into custody.

Wow. She sure looks like she's a fat bag o' crazy.

She's Back!

Dracula came out of hiding on Thursday night for an event honoring Matt Lauer. Looks like she got some more work done and got the bug eyes fixed. She's still creepy, though.

Where's Gay Al?

Prince is Awesome

I haven't really paid much attention to Prince since the 80's and the pure awesome that was Purple Rain. I don't care what anybody says, that movie was a fucking classic.

Anywho. He pretty much proved he is still awesome at a concert the other night. He was performing at Club 3121 in Vegas, and noticed that Parisite Hilton was in attendance. He then invited her onstage and proved his awesomeness:

As a "delighted" Hilton obliged, Prince, 48, handed her the mic and told the audience, "Let's see if she can really sing," says the witness. Hilton stormed offstage - and left the club two songs later."

The man deserves a trophy. That story just made my day.

Joe Francis is Going to Jail!

A Socialite's Life has the best title ever for this newspiece:

"It's Still Going To Be Sorta Sad When Lusty Cons Make Him Strip For Their Smuggled-In Video Cameras And He Weeps Softly To Himself At Last Knowing What Exploitation Feels Like"

So awesome.

Anyways, the douchebag plead guilty in court, and is going to do a mere 35 days in jail. No matter. Some haggard con is going to LOVE the idea of making the "Girl's Gone Wild" asshole into his girlfriend. And I would SO love to be a fly on that wall. Bring lots of lube, Joe!

GIVE IT A GODDAMN REST!!!!!!

Rosie O'Donnell hosted the Matrix Awards the other day. It's basically an awards ceremony that honors women in the media. Well, she couldn't just do her damn job as a hostess, she had to yap on about fucking Donald Trump some more. If you want to know what she said, click the link in the title and read my source article. I could give less of a shit. I started out this thing on her side, because Donald Trump is a douchebag millionare who annoys me.

I know Rosie isn't reading this, but on the off chance that she does, I have this to say to her: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE!!! YES HE IS A DOUCHE. YOU ARE NOT TELLING US ANYTHING WE DO NOT KNOW. NOW SHUT UP AND GET BACK ON THE VIEW AND TELL THAT HASSELCRACK WHAT'S UP!

I feel better. Back to my cookies now.

Keepin' the Herpes Contained

Really, if you think about it, these two were made for each other. As long as they don't reproduce, it'd be perfect. Keep the dumb ones together so they don't infect/annoy the rest of us.

Anywho, Queen Parisite of the Herpes and FedEx were at some birthday party and obviously got photographed together. Woo.

New Album Out!

The new Nine Inch Nails record, Year Zero, was released Tuesday. I'm a broke bitch, so I don't have it yet. I know, I suck.

Anyways. New album means new U.S. tour, right? Right? I hope so.

I Want Alec Baldwin to be My Daddy!

Seriously. It would be awesome. Nothing like being 11-years-old, and finding this gem of a voicemail from dear ol' dad:

"Hey I wanna tell you something okay, and I wanna leave a message for you right now because again its 10:30 here in New York on a Wednesday and once again I've made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone to call you at a specific time. When the time comes for me to make the phone call I stop whatever I'm doing and I go and I make that phone call at eleven-o-clock in the morning in New York and if you don't pick up the phone at ten-o-clock at night and you don't even have that god damn phone turned on. I want you to know something okay, I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you, you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me, you don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being, I don't give a damn if you're 12-years-old, or 11-years-old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass, who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned, you have humiliated me for the last time with this phone, and when I come out there next week, I'm gonna fly out there for the day just to straighten you out on this issue, I'm gonna let you know just how disappointed in you I am and how angry I am with you that you've done this to me again. You have made me feel like shit and you have made me feel like a fool over and over and over again, and this crap you pull on me with this god damn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother and you do it to me constantly, and over and over again. I am gonna get on a plane or I am gonna come out there for the day and I'm gonna straighten your ass out when I see you, do you understand me? I'm gonna really make sure you get it. Then I'm gonna get on a plane and I'm gonna turn around and I'm gonna come home. So you better be ready Friday, the 20th, to meet with me so I'm gonna let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude thoughtless little pig, okay."

So yeah. That's Alec Baldwin. His daughter is ELEVEN. What a nice guy.

More Ramblings from C. Love

I still cannot believe that at some point in life, there were enough drugs on the planet for Trent Reznor to ingest that made him want to see this woman naked. Ew. I'm almost curious to know how much it did take.

Anyways. Courtney Love is rambling on her website again. Apparently, her staff likes to laugh at her too because nobody will show this chick where the damn spell check feature is. I have no idea what she's going on about, but if you can figure it out, you're more patient than I.

i see these pics (the new ones) and something must be wrongw ith me co si know what i wweigh and i still dont feel quite thin enough, im gonn go for tewn more pounds and then ill mainatin at that imd oing weight training and pilates and more tough stuff so ic an tone more, you lose this much weighta nd get saggy skina nd im in no mood for saggy anything thank you very much sdo i need ot firm up and get my butt in shape and tummy and arms, and fdo the heavy lifting - the hardest part the first 50 pounds is over- now i just gotta put the w3ork in to get where i wanna be-= but i m a rockstar and my job isnt to be perfect - in fact he addictiont o the idea opf “perfection” has infested my life in the past and im over it- its never thnk god infected my music but its affected my outeard appearance and self esteem and i need to know that as long a s ido somnething fo rsomeone else every day as longa s my duty ist o make others less miserable in fct helo them to be happy=- by what we call “kosenrufu: ” wich means world peace - and value creation wherever we go( nichiren buddhists) its so important to be of service to others , so very very important for purely selfish reasons- one gets more from the universe the more ones heart is opne and all that stuff.

Woo! Pure awesome! What's this bitch on???

Fantastic

They are talking about bringing the play Equus over to the states. They haven't said yet who will play the role that Daniel Radcliffe has been playing over in England. The big deal is that Daniel got naked onstage. So if he plays the same role over here, you know we're never gonna hear the end of it from the moms over here bitching about Harry Potter getting naked. They bitched when he got naked in ENGLAND where their precious widdle kiddums wouldn't see or know anything about their idol stripping down and showing the goods. Now if he comes here, it's gonna be a pain in my ass.

Hey soccer moms? Don't want your kids "exposed" to Harry's penis? Then don't take them to see the play. It's pretty fucking simple. I know you can grasp this concept with your tiny little minds.

Marilyn Finds his Dita Replacement

So I was listening to the radio the other morning here in Kansas City, and the DJ was reporting on a quote he heard from Marilyn Manson stating that Manson thought his marriage to Dita Von Teese was doomed from the start because Dita wanted him to act grown up and he wasn't ready for that. He goes on to say because of that, his pairing with 19-year-old Evan Rachel Wood was a much better fit.

However, as the days go by, she starts looking more and more like a mini-me Dita. Creepy much?

Ha! She Told Us!

People have been speculating that Courtney Love lost all the weight with lipo and/or surgery. Well SHE TOLD THEM!

From her website:

ots bullshiti couldnt get that suregry iof i begged for itFDA says you have to have a BMI of above 40 and that equals at least being 100 pounds overweight at least other wsie its ILLEGAL.I know spmeone who troed to get that shit and no dr would give it to her an dhse was pudgier than i was, its total utter shite, i lost weightthe hard way and people cant accept it,whwnever ANYONE loses weight by determintaion and grit fast its suspect i got muyinspirationf rom Oprah losing so much weight on Slim Fast,. thats how i did it, thio sis nonsesne my breath is great and i dont “vomit inot a towel” it sjust cynical crazy bullshit,i started weight training three days go to get rid of the saggy ass and loose tummy i pln on hving perrrfect six pack by summer, and be extra strong so when i play shows ill be strong nd not weak,Thizs is bullshit as is the tummy tuck rumour or the 200k in liopo rumpur ( you dont lose eoght all over from lipo) ( noone loses more than 15 lbs from lipo ever they “resculpt”) thi sisjust nnoying gross BULLSHIT. from people who cant lose wieght through ld fashioned discipline but dont think for second if it was legal i wouldnt think bout it sure i would but losing ll you rintesines doesnt appeal to me and im ton macro so i dont get cancer ( i kno wthe smnoking hs to go) banding s supposed to up your vchances for colon cancer as well as other terroble health problems,again this is BULLSHIT. i worked my ss off and m always fucking hingry though ive gotten used to it, bno dr in the world would give me gastric bypass or gastric banding i dont meet the pproval of ny western country , it would be illegal and im[ossible fvor me to find dr to perform this surgery on me.zso thats THAT.Jealous Cynical people who anta cceopt that somneone cn lose alot of weight the old fshioned wy ive exercised mya ss off obv iously not enough in my stomach but xdone tons and tons aof cardio, so enough said on this nonsense jealous cynical lie.good night.

Someone has not been introduced to spellcheck. If you got through all that, then you get a cookie. I made it two sentences in before my brain frooze up and went on strike.

Idiot.

More charges for Joe Francis, the biggest moron ever!

According to DListed: As you all know Joe is in jail for tax evasion and for contempt of court. He was charged yesterday for bribing a jail guard for a glass of water. This douche promised a guard $100 if he would get him some water so he could take his sleeping pills. The guard turned him down and so Joe showed him $500. Jailbirds aren't allowed to have cash. That was a smart move. Guards searched Joe and found 16 prescription medications including Lunesta and lorazepam.

I'm all about more shit against this douche. Keep him in jail. Bring his ass down a notch or two. Literally and figuratively.

Tuesday.

On Tuesday, the new Nine Inch Nails record, Year Zero, comes out. We didn't have to wait five freaking years for the new one!

New album means: TOUR! WOO! COME TO THE STATES!

Birkhead is the Daddy

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like four days late, but hey, I have a life, y'know. Stop laughing. Seroiusly, it wasn't meant to be funny.

Anyways, DNA came back, and Larry Birkhead is the actual daddy to Dannielynn Hope, Anna Nicole's baby. Thank God, because Howard K. Stern is king of creepy. So the phat check goes to the photog. Woo.

Ugh. I'm So Disappointed.

This is Shanna Moakler. Once, she bitch-slapped Parisite Hilton, and I decided Shanna was pure awesome. However, apparently she is back to her human-herpes creep husband, Travis Barker. Don't know where they are or what they're doing, but I lost a little respect for Shanna. Too bad.

This Dude is a Douche.

Seriously, I hate Joe Francis. He's such a dumbass. It's amazing to me how he's masterminded the Girls Gone Wild empire. I wouldn't figure him for being able to mastermind taking a dump. But hey, that's just me.

Anyway, this dumbass is gonna go to jail, which is awesome. He's a pretty boy, he'll make some big scary inmate a hot girlfriend.

He was doing tax evasion, according to The Smoking Gun: According to a two count indictment filed in U.S. District Court in Reno, Nevada, Francis, 34, sought to conceal income through the use of offshore companies and nominees. At one point, he transferred $15 million from one offshore bank account to a California brokerage account in the name of a Cayman Islands corporation he controlled. If convicted of the federal charges, he faces a maximum of 10 years in prison and fines of up to $500,000. Francis was arrested yesterday on an unrelated federal warrant stemming from a civil lawsuit brought against him by seven underage women who were filmed by "Girls Gone Wild" cameramen in Florida in 2003.

Like I said, I hope he looks good in a dress.

Jenna Jameson is Looking Kinda Skinny...

Tito, feed your chick some Xcience or a protein shake or a sandwich or something! Homegirl ain't looking so good...

Rose McGowan is a Homewrecker

So rumors flew around that Rose McGowan had an affair with her director, Robert Rodriguez, while shooting their half of the soon-to-be-masterpiece, Grindhouse. What really happened is yes, there was an affair, but also, shooting had to be shut down for a month when Rodriguez's producing partner and wife of 16 years found out. Whoops.

The production had to shut down for a month while he recovered," Variety reports...." When Elizabeth found out, there was an eruption of emotions - an emotional volcano...In the meantime, Rodriguez and McGowan are keeping an ultra-low profile. "They arrived in the same limo for the L.A. premiere, but they got out separately several minutes apart to avoid being seen together."

Yeah, that solves everything. Staying separate and all.

C. Love in a Bikini

Well, at least she's not fat. Or bloated. She just looks like an emaciated zombie with plastic surgery scars. Ew.

Hypocrite!

At the British premiere of Wild Hogs, which I heard was a giant steaming pile, closeted actor John Travolta said some dumbass things.

"It [global warming] is a very valid issue. I'm wondering if we need to think about other planets and dome cities. Everyone can do their bit. But I don't know if it's not too late already. We have to think about alternative methods of fuel. I'm probably not the best candidate to ask about global warming because I fly jets."

Yeah. He showed up at the premiere on a motorcycle. And the geniouses over at IDLYTW put his hypocrisy in words that I just cannot match. They are beautiful. I shall quote:

And by "fly jets" he means "I own five." Specifically, a customized Boeing 707, three Gulfstream jets and a Lear jet that he keeps on his private runway. The runway he's used to take off for each of the 30,000 miles he's flown in the past 12 months. Miles in which he's produced an estimated 800 tons of carbon emission, roughly 100 times more than the average human. It's even more awesome when you find out that John Travolta lends his jets to fellow closeted gay actors who want to have sex without the fear of paparazzi. So, to reiterate, John Travolta wants you to power your house with a bicycle and a car battery, but it's ok for him to melt the polar ice caps so Jake Gyllenhaal can break in his new butt plug. Yeah, that sounds reasonable.

I love it. One day, I will be that awesome. Until then, John Travolta can suck eggs.

One Less Mess

Finally, KFed and Britney got their divorce settled. He gets a mil and they split custody of the kids 50/50. Yeah, I'll bet he's already got that money spent.

Oh well one less mess to drag out. Now if someone would hit Howard K. Stern with a hammer and get that shit overwith, the world would be right again. I'm tired of hearing about this crap on the news.

Eminem Gets Kim to Shut the Hell Up

Yay! Another famewhore silenced!

The rapper - real name Marshall Mathers - and Kim attended a closed courthearing at Detroit's Macomb Circuit Court yesterday (03.26.07) and agreed tostop making "derogatory, disparaging, inflammatory and otherwise negativecomments".

The agreement was made following a motion filed by Eminem last month toprotect their 11-year-old daughter Hailie.

Basically, neither of them can yap about the other to the media or to Hailie. This will stop Kim calling up random radio stations to talk about how Em can't get it up and how he and his daughter don't get along or whatever. Thank God.

Mary Weiland Goes Apeshit

Mary Weiland is married to Scott Weiland, lead singer for Velvet Revolver and who also used to sing for that little ol' band, Stone Temple Pilots.

Anywho. He royally pissed this woman off. I'm curious to know what he did, because bitch tore the shit out of a hotel room in Burbank, but a couple hours later, she set fire to his clothes in front of their home. She's been arrested and is on a $50,000 bail.

Seriously, what did he do? I want to know.

Anna Nicole Smith's Cause of Death Released

In no surprise to anyone whatsoever, it has been released that Anna Nicole Smith died of a combo drug overdose/infection type thing. Nobody offed her, and no aliens zapped her.

According to the medical examiner: "Nine prescription drugs including anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs and the sedative chloral hydrate were found in Anna Nicole's blood...On the day of her arrival in Florida on February 5, she complained of chills and was later found to be running a fever at 105 degrees Fahrenheit (40.5 Celsius) caused by the perforation in an abscess in her left buttock, he said. "It is our determination that the cause of death is combined drug toxicity as a result of chloral hydrate and a therapeutic concentration of other medications," said Perper. "A bacterial infection, a viral intestinal infection and possibly flu were contributory causes of death .... We did not find any evidence of homicide..."

And anyways. At least THAT part of the drama can rest in peace.

Dumbass

Nicole Richie keeps passing out. So her rep told People magazine that the reason is that Nicole has hypoglycemia. Which means your bloodsugar gets lower faster than a normal person's.

This is bull becuause I have hypoglycemia. You know what my doctor told me to do so I don't pass out? Eat. That's it. The only time I feel faint is if I haven't eaten something in a few hours. Therefore, this excuse sucks. Someone give the bitch a sandwich, she'll be fine.

The Drugs Are Wearing Off

Could it be that Tom Cruise's mind control is wearing off of Katie-Kate Holmes? That would be freaking awesome.

Reports are saying that she's been leaning on her good friend Posh Beckham and crying a lot because Tom is a psycho controlling midget from hell.

Says a source: "Katie has been crying over the phone. She's frustrated. Tom is denying her every single thing...Once, Katie and Victoria talked on the phone for four hours."

Apparently Posh and husband David have had a taste of the Tom Crazy themselves: Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology," says the source. "Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church."

Sounds about right! Run, Katie, run!

Britney Spears Checks Out of Rehab

No surprise to anyone, Britney Spears has checked out of rehab, 27 days after checking in. If what I heard is correct, she may be facing losing custody of her kids, if FedEx keeps up his end of the bargain and goes to court. Generally, at the rehab she was staying at, treatment programs last anywhere from 30 to 45 days. 27 days isn't quite cutting it. If FedEx did state he'd go after the kids, I hope he keeps his promise. She's never gonna get better if she doesn't get help and COMPLETE the process of getting help. We shall see, I guess.

We Haven't Talked About this Crap in a While!

I haven't done an update on the whole Anna Nicole baby daddy drama because seriously, I was just happy that the poor woman finally got buried. But hey, looks like there's some progress in this mess!

There was a hearing yesterday in the Bahamas to determine paternity of little Dannielynn Hope. Larry Birkhead, Howard K. Stern, Virgie Dramaqueen Arthur, and some random prince all want custody of the baby, with Larry, Howard, and the prince all declaring themselves to be the father. Howard K. Stern was not present for some stupid reason, but the judge declared that Larry, Howard, and the baby undergo DNA testing. There will be another hearing on Tuesday, to listen to DNA experts testify. I dunno if that means they'll have test results then, but that would rule.

I'm still holding out for Larry because Howard gives me the creeps. And Virgie should waddle her fat, gold-digging ass back to Texas. That is all.

Angelina on Her Way Home With New Son

Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie is in the process of returning to the states with her new adopted son, whom she has named Pax. Dunno about the name, but she is The Goddess, so I guess I can let it slide.

Anywho, she issued a statement, breaking her silence on the subject: "I will stay at home to help Pax adjust to his new life. I have four children and caring for them is the most important thing for me at the moment. I am very proud and happy to be their mother … Photographs and press coverage will make (Pax) upset. I'm very worried about that. I would like to say I'm sorry for bringing this into Pax's life."

Compared to what he had before, I'm pretty sure Pax is better off now.

Congrats to the family!

Artsy Trent

Yeah it's SO nice in Kansas City today. Although with my elevated body temperature, it's like a thousand degrees in my office to me, but everyone else is comfortable. I'm so glad this will be over in a few months and I don't have to carry the kid through the really shitty months. Blah.

But here's some artsy Trent on a nice day to make everyone happy. Yay.

Woody Harrelson is Violent

Last week, Woody Harrelson attempted to leave a bar. He had in hand, two glasses of wine that he wanted to leave with. This is illegal in California, where this story takes place. So the bouncer does his job and tells Woody he'll have to leave the liquor inside the bar. Was Woody normal? Did he apologize and leave his drinks behind? Of course not. Then nobody would give a shit. He punched the bouncer and started a nice fat fight out in the street like a hopped up fratboy.

Says the National Enquirer and WWTDD.com: That started a full-scale brawl in the street, with a second bouncer joining in and wrestling Woody to the ground. Woody punched and scratched the bouncers and gouged a fingernail into one of their faces, just about [sic] the eye, said the bar source. “Blood was streaming down the bouncer’s face, and Woody cut his hand on the broken glass on the sidewalk… Blood was all over the place.” Two California Highway Patrol officers, who were writing a ticket across the street, raced over to stop the fight. “Woody was still flaling away, and the officers ended up cuffing him and putting him in the back of a squad car while they tried to sort out the mess…”

Very nice. Apparently he did smoke away what little brain he had left. Somehow, his dumb ass didn't get arrested.

Pam & Tommy Back Together?

I have maintained that in spite of the fact that he used to beat her ass, Pam and Tommy Lee were freaking made for each other. They should just quit denying it and stay together already.

Supposedly, they ended their on-again, off-again relationship. Since then she dated and married that trucker trash Kid Rock, and they are now divorced.

They were photographed this last weekend making out after having lunch with their two sons. Not surprised.

Angelina Jolie to Get Her New Child Soon

If you've not heard the rumors/news/whatever, Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie has been applying to adopt a 3-year-old Vietnamese boy for the last few weeks. She was filing by herself because it's virtually impossible for an unmarried couple to adopt in Veitnam.

The boy was left at a Vietnamese hospital as a baby, and the government couldn't find his parents so he was put up for adoption. The process is going so quickly because he's older and the paperwork is pretty much done. Angie could have him in a couple weeks.

Congrats to them! I know how much Angie and the Man Slave love kids. Although I wonder what Maddox will think now that he's not the only son in the house...oh well at least they're even now!

He's Back!!

After having to take a quick hiatus due to his voice, Trent is back on tour in Europe! Which means a new picture! Yay! Looks like Aaron is about to step on Trent's head! Not a good idea! You know Trent would kill someone with a mic stand for that kinda crap. Need proof?

Voila!

New album to drop April 17th, and the new DVD is already out. Why don't I have it already, you ask? Because this bitch is broke, dammit! Trust me, I will have that damn thing, one way or another. But the damn landlady and the electric company seem to want money otherwise this preggo bitch is homeless and/or in the dark. And that's never good.

Papa Joe Still Creeps Me Out

Papa Joe Simpson could cure AIDS and save a litter of kittens from a burning building and I'd still call him a creepy pedophile. That's just me, though. He said some shit to In Touch magazine to make him look better, but as usual it just made him look like a giant douche.

On the Brit Spears mess: "I would never let that happen to my daughters. Hopefully, her family will take care of the situation."

Yeah, I'm sure you wouldn't.

On Chestica desicrating a decent musician with her herpes: "They are good for each other.

Unlike Nick, John already has an established career, so Jessica doesn't have to compete with him."

He's talking about John Mayer. I keep hoping one day John will wake up, look over, and realize he's dating a total vapid headcase and run screaming for the hills. Seriously. He has talent, she has boobs. That's about it. I'd like to think John needs more than that in a woman. Like a brain. That would be important to ME, but hey.

Maddy Tell-All???

Rumor is that a former nanny of Madonna's is shopping around a tell-all book. Please let this be true, because I would be all over that shit!

According to DListed: Melissa Dumas worked for Madge during 2005 and details all her specific rules. Some of the hag one's rules include absolutely no noise while she's sleeping including running shower water, no newspapers, magazines or TV at all.

Meh that seems pretty mild for the Devine Mrs. Richie. But still. I'd buy that book and worship it.

C. Love is in Debt

Our dear idiot Courtney Love is being sued by Beau Monde International, the rehab she visited in 2005 because she hasn't paid her outstanding bill. Initially, she paid $10,000 at check-in, but never paid the balance after leaving - $181,286. Nice.

If they win, they get $5 and some cheetos.

She's Still Taking the Happy Pills

Katie-Kate is due to start filming a movie called Mad Money with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. Of course, the midget has to go so he can make sure she doesn't forget to take her pills and to be a pain in the ass to everyone involved.

"Tom has called producers and told them he will be on set every day. He wants to observe what's going on and will probably help Katie out."

By "help" he means "control her every move and every word."

More from Page Six: Cruise was said to be upset over her sex scene in last year's "Thank You for Smoking" - which was mysteriously missing during several festival screenings … Holmes gave up her role in the upcoming "Batman" sequel, and some in Hollywood said it was because of the romantic scenes she would have had with Christian Bale … The insider added, "Katie's agent, Hylda Queally (at CAA), chose this role (in "Mad Money") for her because it is a female buddy movie. There is no love interest and she wouldn't be kissing anyone or have a sex scene." Acheson declined comment on the script - which our source, who has seen it, said was "atrocious."

What a shock. What they didn't mention was how Katie-Kate had actually TURNED DOWN an Academy Award nomination for her role in Thank You for Smoking. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure it had something to due with the fact that Tom didn't like that movie, and because he's never been nominated. Like anybody can help that he's a shitty actor who is stuck doing shitty action movies.

Anyways, good to see some things never change. The sun always rises in the east, and Katie-Kate is still a brainwashed Stepford Wife.

Aww!

This is Melissa Etheridge and girlfriend Tammy Lynn Michaels with their newborn twins. Looks like a boy and a girl. Article doesn't give their names, but they are cute and Melissa is looking well. Hope she's recovered well from her cancer treatments.

Haven't Seen TomKat with the Purchase in a While!

Aw, haven't seen the midget with his Stepford Wife and Asian baby in a while. Baby looks cute. Katie-Kate still looks to be on the happy pills.

They're going to attend the basketball game of Connor Cruise, Tom's son from his previous marriage.