$cientology Boot Camp Would be Fun...

I guess Katie-Kate needed reprogramming. She was talking about taking Suri and fleeing to NYC without the gay midget to do a Broadway show. Well that just is not going to happen and Tommy isn't going to stand for it!

Star Magazine is reporting that Tommy sent the robot wife to Gold Base in Hemet, CA for 3 days. Gold Base is some $cientology compound. According to a source, $cientology boot camp includes: "various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes. Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels." One of the auditing sessions reportedly lasts 36 hours with little sleep and food.

That oughtta fix her up. No free thought for you! Now take this pill and shut up!

Damn and I really had hope too. Bah. I should've known better.

Source

Tom Cruise is Still Crazy

Yeah we haven't talked about the King of Crazy in a while, so why not.

On the radio this morning, they talked about how $cientologists auditioned potential wives for Tom since he's too gay to find one of his own, thus finding Katie-Kate Holmes. Then I see on IDLYITW.com about how apparently, Katie-Kate, the chick he destroyed Oprah's couch for, was actually his LAST choice.

According to the source:

...ex-Scientologist Marc Headley, abso-Xenu-lutely! Marc, who used to produce promotional films for the religion, spoke to Britain's News of the World and said that following Tom's split from Penelope Cruz in 2004, the megastar told his BFF (and head of Scientology) David Miscavige that he was having trouble meeting women. So the church sent out a casting call that said, "There's an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition." There were of course restrictions: You had to be single, pretty and in your twenties. While a few female Scientologists were rounded up - Traffic's Erika Christensen and CSI: Miami's Sofia Milos - they were all rejected as Tom focused his attention on bigger stars. "They went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order," Marc says. "Jennifer and Jessica didn't bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood, she freaked out and didn't do a tape..."

"Having trouble meeting women..." Hee hee. Anyways. That oughta make Katie-Kate thrilled that she signed that contract. If she's even allowed to feel anymore unless Tom lets her.

Hypocrite!

At the British premiere of Wild Hogs, which I heard was a giant steaming pile, closeted actor John Travolta said some dumbass things.

"It [global warming] is a very valid issue. I'm wondering if we need to think about other planets and dome cities. Everyone can do their bit. But I don't know if it's not too late already. We have to think about alternative methods of fuel. I'm probably not the best candidate to ask about global warming because I fly jets."

Yeah. He showed up at the premiere on a motorcycle. And the geniouses over at IDLYTW put his hypocrisy in words that I just cannot match. They are beautiful. I shall quote:

And by "fly jets" he means "I own five." Specifically, a customized Boeing 707, three Gulfstream jets and a Lear jet that he keeps on his private runway. The runway he's used to take off for each of the 30,000 miles he's flown in the past 12 months. Miles in which he's produced an estimated 800 tons of carbon emission, roughly 100 times more than the average human. It's even more awesome when you find out that John Travolta lends his jets to fellow closeted gay actors who want to have sex without the fear of paparazzi. So, to reiterate, John Travolta wants you to power your house with a bicycle and a car battery, but it's ok for him to melt the polar ice caps so Jake Gyllenhaal can break in his new butt plug. Yeah, that sounds reasonable.

I love it. One day, I will be that awesome. Until then, John Travolta can suck eggs.

The Drugs Are Wearing Off

Could it be that Tom Cruise's mind control is wearing off of Katie-Kate Holmes? That would be freaking awesome.

Reports are saying that she's been leaning on her good friend Posh Beckham and crying a lot because Tom is a psycho controlling midget from hell.

Says a source: "Katie has been crying over the phone. She's frustrated. Tom is denying her every single thing...Once, Katie and Victoria talked on the phone for four hours."

Apparently Posh and husband David have had a taste of the Tom Crazy themselves: Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology," says the source. "Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church."

Sounds about right! Run, Katie, run!

Katie-Kate is Still Under The Midget's Control

Apparently Katie-Kate is still taking her happy pills. She showed up for some Oscar events with her midget husband Tom Cruise the the blank stare of the Stepford Wife she has become.

Upon arriving at the famed afterparty, Cruise urged his bride to pose for a photograph alone. "Take a shot of her," he told photographers. But according to an onlooker, the 28-year-old actress refused to take a picture without him. The actor then led Holmes around by the hand, pulling her back and forth while he mingled and she remained silent. Cruise, 44, greeted a few photographers but didn’t introduce his wife, who said nothing and stood next to her husband, waiting for him to finish his conversations. He later asked her again to pose for a picture alone, and she finally agreed. “She looks at him for direction,” the witness tells Us.

Well, some things never change. I still hold out that she'll wake up one day and escape. Time will tell.