PETA Hates Chestica Simpson

Yeah who cares. But she wore that dumb shirt and now the animal terrorists are pissed off.

Basically they call her stupid which is amusing, but she's not dumb because of her shirt or because she eats meat, in spite of what they think.

But because I feel like humoring the stupid, here are their reasons:

1. Meat increases the risk of breast cancer.

2. Real girls don't support animal abuse.

3. The meat industry is destroying the Earth.

4. Meat will make you fat.

5. Eating meat steals food from starving kids.

Meh. Anything PETA says I take with a grain of salt since it's run by terrorists. I am not even joking. Actual quote from Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA:

Six million people died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughterhouses. [emphasis added]- The Washington Post (November 13, 1983)

Charming, eh? Here's another:

Our nonviolent tactics are not as effective. We ask nicely for years and get nothing. Someone makes a threat, and it works.- US News & World Report (April 8, 2002)

So yes me calling PETA a terrorist organization isn't far off. The federal government needs to look into them!

No I don't particularly respect Chestica Simpson. But it has nothing to do with a retarded t-shirt. It's because she's a mindless bimbo who blindly does what daddy bids her and sets women back about 80 years in evolution.

Off the soapbox, back to bitching!

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Mutt Lange is Still a Dumbass

On the left is Shania Twain. The woman on the right is not her mom. Its her close friend, employee, and now homewrecker, Marie-Anne Thiébaud, also known as Mutt's vagina on the side.

Now I heard Shania had been withholding the bootie. In which case I can see why he'd stray. But wouldn't common sense state that he would go to someone hotter, or at least the same level as hot as his wife?

Oh yeah, and Shania is 42, while Marie-Anne is 37. Seriously!

Ugh. My thoughts go out to Shania. Nothing like your husband replacing a ten with a six. Ew.

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I'm Not the Only Bitch Who Thinks Nick Hogan Deserves to be Miserable

Over at CelebWarship, they covered the story about Nick Hogan being a pissy asshole about having to give up an entire 8 months of his life while his friend basically gave up the entire rest of his life. The comments on that story over there are quite awesome so I thought I'd give them tribute here.

AmyD says: May 21st, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Poor baby, he’s “struggling to form a sentence”. Yeah, so’s the guy you PUT INTO A COMA, you asshole.

-My thoughts exactly.


Kats says: May 22nd, 2008 at 10:31 am
Good. I hope the little entitled fucker rots.

- I love you.

Seriously, that made me happy. So I thought I'd share. In case any of you bitches think I was mean to that little pussy, then there ya go. I'm not alone!

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This Explains a Lot

Apparently Brooke Hogan is going nuts. This explains so much for me. Fox News is reporting that with her brother in jail, and her parents splitting up, she's taking all the shit the hardest.

Daddy Hulk Hogan thinks the reality show they did for VH1 is to blame for all the family's issues: “I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about."

"We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete, but I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.”

Yeah because these shows always worked out SO WELL for these people's personal lives. Chestica Simpson and Nick Lachey split up. Nobody cared about Ashlee Simpson before or after her damn show. Jack and Kelly Osbourne have battled with drug and alcohol addiction. Reality TV is awesome, folks.

Gimmie a break. Own up to what you've all done. Reality TV did NOT make Nick wreck his car. His dumbness and the fact that he was legally drunk did that. Reality TV did NOT make Hulk go screw his 20-something daughter's friend thus ending his marriage of like 15-some-odd years. Idiots.

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Wow. Just....Wow.

Just when you think you've seen the dumbest bitches ever to walk the earth, you see someone even dumber. Case in point:

Three Kingwood teens have been arrested and accused of digging up a secluded grave and removing a skull in Humble, a city north of Houston.

Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of Kingwood, told Houston police that around March 15 they and a 16-year old juvenile dug up a grave, removed the skull from the coffin and converted it into a "bong," a device used to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

I've been pretty fucking stoned before, but never THIS stoned. This must be what they mean when they say "you have smoked yourself retarded." Look at this dipshits! You know they're sitting there like "Duh, this just totally ruined my high..."

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Katherine Heigl to be Next Jennifer Aniston

Remember how Jennifer Aniston was super awesome on Friends but has yet to really have serious success in film? Apparently Katherine Heigl hasn't been paying attention.

Bitch wants to quit the meal ticket that she has with Grey's Anatomy to "better focus on her movie career." Yeah that tired-ass excuse.

Some source claimed she learned her lesson from Aniston: “She’s a smart one. She saw what can happen with someone like Jennifer Aniston, who was crazy successful on TV, but can’t seem to carry a film, and she tested the waters early."

Yeah if you call that dress movie "success." Seriously, stay where the money is, Heigl. Ride that puppy 'til it kicks the bucket. It's all you've got.

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Hey, It Was Worth a Shot.

Nobody should mistake 21-year-old Charles Fuller for a genious. Hell no, look at him! He's a fucking dumbass.

He went to a bank in Fort Worth, Texas with a check to cash. For $360 billion. Right. Obviously the bank teller thought this odd and phoned the account holder, who happened to be Fuller's girlfriend's mother. Even more obviously, she denied giving him any check, let alone one for that much money.

Cops were called and bitch was arrested. They found some pot and a gun on him. He claimed the mother had given him the check to start his record label. Okay then! This kid is going places, I can tell.

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David Blaine Breaks Record for Holding One's Breath Underwater and Doesn't Drown

Dammit. Maybe next time.

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Everyone's Wedding Night Should be This Awesome

25-year-old newlywed Christa Wielechowski and new hubby 32-year-old Dr. David M. Wielechowski had one hot wedding night. Apparently they decided to kick everyone's asses.

The wedding was fine I guess, because the drama happened afterwards at the Holiday Inn. The couple had started arguing before they got to their room. The police report says that David "then used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor."

"Karate-style" eh? That's pretty nifty.

Two guests heard them fighting, and decided to come to the bride's rescue. He of course started beating them down. She sided with her husband and helped beating down her would-be rescuers. They apparently battled to the elevator, and down to the lobby where Dr. David chucked a metal planter at the two guests. They caused around $1,000 of damage to the hotel.

The couple were obviously arrested and charged with simple assault, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct. The bride was charged with public drunkenness.

The best part? The picture of her leaving the next morning still in her wedding dress. Pure awesome. I'll bet that shot ends up in their wedding album.

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Dumb Bitch

Heather Mills is under the illusion that we would welcome her here in the States. Dumb bitch we don't like gold-digging hos here either. Only place on earch she can go now is probably the fucking Sahara Desert or some shit. Although I'm sure a snake would bite her ass. She should move there, seriously.

A gold-digger says what? "In England, people don't like me. But I'm going to move to America, Los Angeles hopefully. I love England but everything that has happened makes me realize I'll be better off in the States."

We like her so much the trampy hos at the Miss USA pagent booed her ass. I hope she gets carjacked in LA.

King & Queen of Stupid Asses

19-year-old Joseph Manzanares was arrested for showing up at his girlfriend's work at a video store and threatening to kill her. As he left, he knocked some displays over too. He was later arrested at his home in Commerce City, CO.

Seems the pair had been arguing all day. What were they arguing about? Who left the toilet paper roll empty? No. Whose turn it was to do the dishes? No. What fucking color the sky is? Hell no. The girlfriend admitted to the cops that they had been arguing about which gang their 4-year-old son should join. Seriously. She was black, so she was rooting for the Crips while Joseph was aruging for the Westside Ballers Gang.

I'm serious. People like this are allowed to reproduce. They are responsible for ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. This is scary shit. I'm sending my kid to school with pepperspray. Seriously.

They're Fucking Insane.

Last time I checked, you do not mess with Chuck Norris. I'm fairly certain he would make a large cheese grater, and shred your ass.

However, nobody told two teenage boys from Pennsauken High School in New Jersey that. They were arrested after a teacher found a hit list they made. On the list, they had 3 students, a staff member, and Sir Chuck himself. What the fuck? What'd they have against Chuck Norris? Did nobody tell them the man has his own frigging website talking about how bitchin' he is. That makes you cool. ( http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ )

Some bits I liked from the site:

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

You get the picture. In short, kids are fucking stupid.

Get The Hell Over It, Already!

Rosie O'Donnell was on Martha Stewart's show the other day and apparently her fat ass isn't over getting dumped by The View.

Says RoRo the Enormous: “There was people there telling me what to do. There was a little Republican who scared me.”

To you, Rosie, everyone is little. I'm sure the little republican was more scared than you. She was afraid you were going to eat her.

Also, she thinks she should be the face of mental illness. She said on Good Morning, America: "I sort of feel Britney has become the poster child (for mental illness). The kid is very young. She never had a childhood. She never rode a Big Wheel. Rather than put her face on mental illness, or Brooke Shields, who had postpartum depression, use me."

Apparently she's never looked in a mirror and realized her fat ass would scare even the craziest of crazies. Dumb ho needs to shut up and go buy some Doc Martens.

Damn there's nothing to talk about today! Someone go poke Tom Cruise with a stick or some shit! Maybe he'll sue somebody else and I'll have something to bitch about.

This Shit is Never Coming Out.

If you remember, Valkyrie is some shitty movie starring The Couch Destroying Midget about some guy who was supposed to off Hitler. Well, rumor is that it is a stinking pile. It was supposed to come out this July, then got pushed back to October. Well, now it's not coming out until February 13, 2009. Oh what a way to celebrate Valentine's Day! Watching an idiot play a German but not even attempt a German accent.

Above is a trailer for this lovely masterpiece of crap. Somewhere, my husband is throwing up profulsely. I can hear it now.

This Idiot Again?

Okay after the "maranade himself in a globe for a week" trick and the fact that Criss Angel is way cooler, I'm officially tired of David Blaine. His shit is tired, and this proves it.

His newest "trick?" He wants to break the record for how long people have stayed awake without dying or something. His goal is 13 days. God maybe he'll die or drop off into a coma so we won't have to hear about his dumb ass anymore.

Anywho, Keith Richards, who cannot be killed by conventional means, has some advice for the retard. Apparently back in the 70's when he was doing more drugs than Columbia could produce, he managed to stay awake for 9 days before breaking his nose. So sayeth Keith: "On the ninth day I was putting a tape into a tape deck. In 0.3 of a second I fell asleep and crashed headfirst into a JVC speaker, smashing my nose apart. I just lay there and let it bleed. It was a chemical thing."

So he should listen to Keith and go to bed already. Does Blaine even do magic anymore? I mean what the hell is magic about staying awake? Apparently he looked at that picture of Scott Weiland I posted the other day and now he's too scared to sleep, I dunno.

This bitch sucks. Next!

Owner of Maxim Claims he Offed Somebody

And by "somebody" he means the pimp of some hooker he liked....

Er, okay?

From the Times of London: He (Felix) looks so intense that I ask him whether he's ever fought with a man over a woman. “I've killed a man,” he says. What? “I've killed a man.” What do you mean, you've killed a man? “I killed him.” Does everyone know you've killed a man? “No, and they'll never find out, either.” Are you kidding me? Are you winding me up? Where? In what country? “I killed him. That's all you need to know. I killed him.”Oh Felix, you're having me on. “No.” Promise me. Swear to God... “He hurt her and I told him to stop and he kept on.” What did it feel like, then? “He hurt her.” What did you do? “Pushed him over the edge of a cliff.” In the Caribbean? “Don't matter where it was. He wouldn't let her alone. She told him to stop. I told him to stop. Many people told him to stop. Wouldn't stop. Kept on and on and on. Made her life a living misery: beat her up, beat up her kids, wouldn't let her alone, kept on, kept on - weren't even his kids, so in the end, I had a little meeting with him, pushed him over the edge of a cliff. Weren't 'ard.”Are you sure you want to be telling me this? “Don't care. Anybody harms one of mine... if they harm one of mine, they'd better know what they're doing. And they'd always be warned. I wouldn't attack anybody without reason. I'll attack nobody without reason. Without trying again and again to bring this thing to a much more satisfactory and sensible, more rational conclusion. But if they keep harming one of mine, then I have no option.”

While we're making retarded huge claims about shit we've never done, I'm gonna throw mine in. I totally pissed in Tom Cruise's gas tank once. Man that midget was mad! I felt kinda bad 'cause I'm sure he took it out on Katie-Kate later, but it was awesome at the time.

Yeah it's a slow day.

Things That Make You Go - "Duh!"

Everyone thinks that bitches in Hollywood just starve themselves to stay thin. Turns out popping pills is the new anorexia. Who would've thought.

According to The New York Daily News and WWTDD.com: When Lindsay Lohan was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, police said they found cocaine in her pocket. Paris Hilton recently admitted to talk host Larry King that she takes Adderall for attention-deficit disorder. Both drugs are often used by women looking to lose weight. At the moment, Adderall is the latest diet-drug craze in Hollywood. The number of celebrities addicted to it continues to rise. Female celebrities recently arrested - from Paris to Nicole Richie, from Lindsay to Britney Spears - all reportedly have used prescription Adderall. It keeps you awake while killing the appetite.Some celebrities also take Clenbuterol, known as Clen. Commonly prescribed to treat respiratory problems in horses, in humans it can cause fat loss.Manhattan-based trainer Justin Gelband, who works with catwalk and catalogue models, says: "Diet pills and steroids are huge right now. After Kate Moss was caught supposedly doing coke, the modeling agencies started to crack down on girls using hard-core drugs like cocaine and heroin to stay slim.

Where you shocked? Oh I know I was. I nearly shit myself in surprise. I'm so surprised that I'm gonna quit stalking Angelina Jolie in protest.

No really.

Seriously?!?

So gladly I no longer feel any obligation to hold back the Madonna Hate. Not that I did before, but the bitch I used to hang with worshipped her old lady leotards. I still contend that she hasn't been good since the 90's.

Anyways. She's releasing another album. And the theme for this one is "boxing" or "old wannabe-english bitches boxing." I have no idea. Honestly, I think she said "botoxing" and the assistant misheard her and brought up boxing gloves and Maddy just ran with it. But that's just my opinion.

She also wants to be refered to as "M-Dolla" which sounds like an obscure shitty rapper name to me. Whatever she'll be screaming at people not to call her that in like three months because "that was then and she's in a different place now" or whatever excuse she uses as to why she doesn't play her old (good) music in concert.

Yes, I'm full of hate today. I had an extra helping of bitchflakes. But I'm at peace with it. I just look at that picture and I can smell old tuna. It makes me ill.