David Blaine Ain't What He Used to Be

So on Monday, David Blaine is set to live in his fishbowl thingie under water for a week. Then he's supposed to come out and hold his breath for 9 minutes, in order to break the world record. Yesterday during preparation, he passed out while trying to hold his breath. According to him:

"I've been working too hard and I'm already dieting, so missing one meal can really mess me up,"

He blamed his passing out on exaustion. I think he'd better be careful if he doesn't want to freaking die on national TV. Bitch is nuts.

Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend Are Still Together

Here is Charlize Theron and boyfriend Stuart Townsend sucking face at a Laker's game.

Lindsay Lohan's Crazy Ass Family

So, Lindsay Lohan's dad is in jail for drunk driving, and he's an asshole, so Linds and the fam don't really talk to him. If I remember right, he used to beat up on Lindsay's mom, which isn't cool.

Well, another Lohan has surfaced doing illegal things. Her uncle has pleaded guilty to ripping of a 9/11 fund!

Paul Sullivan, 48, pleaded guilty to ripping off a 9/11 victims' relief fund. Sullivan, brother of Lindsay's mom, Dina, admitted stealing $646,900 intended to help struggling downtown businesses by forging U.S. Treasury checks and cooking the books of his Ropa Group company. He faces 37-46 months in the Federal pen.

Holy crap that is bad. Who else in her family is gonna go to jail?

TIME TO RANT!!!

Everyone's all whiney about this movie, United 93. Some pissy moviegoers in the Northeast got the previews yanked at theaters there, because it was "cruel" and "too soon" to make a movie about that.

Um, HELLO! It's been nearly FIVE YEARS! I can understand if you had a friend or family member perish on 9/11. You are not involved in this rant. You can grieve however you want, and bitch about this movie if you want. My sympathies still go out to you for having to deal with such a traumatic way to lose a loved one.

But the rest of you, seriously! This movie is a TRIBUTE to the heroes on that flight. They banded together and decided they were gonna twart the terrorists who were in control of the plane. They made a concious decision to give their lives in order to save others.

If any of you whiners remember, Discovery Channel AND A&E did made-for-tv movies about the flight. Discovery even went into how surviving family members are fighting to put up a memorial at the site where the plane went down. Did any of you watch that??

How about the special released a mere 6 months after September 11, 2001, that the documentary filmakers had. They had just happened to be filming about being rookie firefighters in New York City and caught a LOT of really moving and disturbing footage. We watched THAT, and nobody threw a fit! I watched it and bawled the whole time. The second time they aired it, I recorded that shit. I can't watch it again, but that deserves awards. Those guys were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and just happened to get that footage, but they kept rolling film! I couldn't do that.

So to end my little ranty rant, this film got a good review at CNN.com, the title of this rant takes you to the review. The pussy over at MSNBC.com made some big speech about how he wasn't going to go see it, he didn't WANT to watch it, and nobody could make him, nah nah nah boo boo. Which I thought was stupid.

Here is the official website dedicated to getting a memorial built to honor the heroes of Flight 93:

http://www.flight93memorialproject.org/

We go on and on about honoring our heroes, that is apparently what this movie does. I for one, will watch, and honor those heroes who died on that day. The rest of you can whine. I have a tissue for you.

Keith Richards Suffers from Concussion

Keith Richards was vacationing in Fiji when he suffered a concussion. His statement didn't say how he got it, but rumor is he was climbing a palm tree. Okay, I love the Stones and all, but what the crap is Keith Richards doing climbing fucking trees?? The man's older than dirt.

Tom Cruise Poses for a Picture with a Fan

Careful, girl. Don't stand too close to the Tom Cruise. Don't want the alien crazy rubbing off.

K Fed Sorta Denies Britney is Pregnant Again

K Fed was on some radio station getting interviewed, and dodged questions regarding his wife and whether or not she was pregnant. When they pushed him about it, all he said was he "wouldn't bet on it." Is he even home enough to pay attention to whether or not she's knocked up?? I mean, she's constantly getting in fights with him and leaving. I'd be amazed if she was even there long enough to have sex with him. She keeps getting pissed off at him.

David Space Says His Bit About the Locklear/Richards Crap

As we know, David Spade is now dating Heather Locklear. Recently, Spade was interviewed, and they asked him about how Locklear was doing.


Us: What can you tell us about the new budding romance between Denise Richards and Richie Sambora? How is Heather coping?
DS: All I know is she’s home nursing her knife wounds in the back tonight.
Us: How do you feel about it?
DS: That whole thing – objectively — looks a little rough. But I think that’s the common opinion. Guys you can kind of not trust. But girls usually cover each other. That’s why that makes that rougher than usual.

So, if Charlie Sheen is in fact an abusive asshole, I do feel for Denise Richards. But if she truly was Heather Locklear's best friend, then she needed to keep her damn hands off the woman's husband. I mean, Richie Sambora isn't exactly innocent, but still. That's not cool.

Avril Lavigne is SO COOL!

Here is Avril Lavigne trying to convince everyone she's still some hard-ass.

Omarosa Gets New Tits, But She's Still Ugly

That annoying bitch who got fired off The Apprentice is still around? Jesus case, apparently so. Well, she got some new tits, but alas, she still has the same horse face. In the article she talks about her new boobs, and some other shit, but nobody really cares what she has to say about TomKat or Whitney Houston.

Charlize to Play Marilyn??

I'm on the fence with this one. A film adaption of the book Goddess: The Secret Lives of Marilyn Monroe by Anthony Summers is in pre-production right now. Supposedly, Charlize Theron is in talks to play the title role of the blonde bombshell.

I LOVE Charlize. She's a beautiful woman. I just don't know yet if she's right for my darling Marilyn. We shall see. I thought they were nuts for casting Jamie Foxx in the movie Ray. But as we all know, he kicked some ass in that movie.

Kelly O has a New Man

Apparently, Kelly Osbourne has a new beau. That's Kevin Zegers from the film Transamerica. Kel's still looking skinny, but WTF is up with her hair??? Not diggin' that.

Hey if You Didn't Know, Kirk Cameron's a Weirdo

Click the title, and it'll take you to a link with a stupid silly video of some dude explaining to Kirk Cameron about how amazing it is how supposedly, their god made bananas just right to fit in a person's hand, and how that just "makes the athiests mad."

No actually, we're laughing at your dumb ass.

For those of you who don't know, Kirk Cameron used to be on Growing Pains back in the 80's. During the show, he became one of those fundie "born again" people, and started bitching about shit on and around the show that he thought was immoral. Like he wanted castmate Julie McCullough fired because she posed in Playboy once four years prior. He also wanted that previous season written off as a dream, because he and McCullough's characters were engaged in that season. He pissed off producers because he called them "pornographers" and after the show ended, his ass went to has-been land. Now all he does is preach at people and star in fundie movies.

He's one of those christians who give the religion a bad name, basically. He's to christianity what Tom Cruise is to Scientology. Sorta. Except with Scientology being a cult and all, it really can't get any worse. And of course, Tom Cruise still has somewhat of a career in films. Most of us have forgotten who Kirk Cameron is.

More Gwen Stefani Cuteness

You know I can't resist. Even though that blue jacket and goofy green hat are butt-ugly. I love me some Gwen Stefani.

Only thing I wonder, where's the cute husband??

Liz Taylor is NOT Dying

I was about to post a story that reported Liz Taylor to be at death's door, with her heart failing and everything. But apparently, it was a big ol' rumor. Her spokesbitch says she's the opposite of dying, as she's busy with her line of perfumes, and her work for AIDS organizations.

Hmm....

Look closely at this picture. Because that Britney may be lost to us forever.

Access Hollywood is jumping on the bandwagon to confirm that she is indeed pregnant with her second child. For the love of GOD, Britney, GET AWAY BEFORE YOU BECOME THE NEXT SHAR JACKSON!!!!

More Sheen/Richards Drama

Even if Denise is lying about everything he did, those pictures make him look hella creepy. With the allegations against him, you'd think his people wouldn't think it'd be a good idea to take a bunch of pictures of him cuddling with young children. But apparently, he's designing a line of kids' clothes called Sheenz Kids or some shit. What the hell does he know about kids' clothes?? Hard telling with these celebs.

Anywho, the whole divorce thing is turning into a mud-slinging extravaganza!! Publically, Sheen has been mum about Denise's claims. But his buddies have had plenty to say.

His manager, Mark Burg, had this to say: "This all started because Charlie wanted 50-50 custody . . . When Denise said no. Charlie said, 'Then let a judge decide.' The next day, she comes out with a bunch of bull[bleep] claims.

"Did he gamble on sports? Big deal. Every guy I know does. Show me a guy who hasn't seen porn on the Internet. Does that mean he's not a good father? No. This guy lives for his kids. And she drummed all this up so he can't see his kids. It is the single worst behavior of a parent I have ever seen."

Also, sources are claiming that Denise told Charlie that she and Richie Sambora had been seeing each other since last November, not just last month, like had been reported. No wonder Heather Locklear's so pissed! I'd wanna kill a bitch too!

Happy Birthday to Penelope Cruz!!

Happy Birthday to Penelope Cruz! She is 32 today. Sometimes we forget with the Angelina Jolie's in the world, that there are other exotic beauties out there, and Penelope is definately one. She's gorgeous.

For other birthdays today, click the title of this post.

Eminem Makes Nice with Dying Mother

Everybody and their cousin knows about the fued between Eminem and his mom, Debbie Nelson. He wrote that song 'Cleaning Out My Closet' about the bitch, and she famously sued him and lost.

Well, she's suffering from stage four breast cancer, which means the cancer has spread to other parts of her body. The prognosis is BAD. She basically knows she's gonna die. She's 51, and has said she wishes that Eminem would just call her. In 2003, when she was diagnosed, she had this to say:

“I don’t want his money. It would be wonderful, though, if he just called me with some honesty and sincerity. A lot of people say I am really dying from a broken heart.”

Well, fresh from the tragedy that claimed his best friend Proof, apparently Eminem has put the past behind him, and is paying Debbie's medical bills that have nearly put her into bankruptcy. I wish them the best, and hopefully they can keep the peace in her last few months.

Eminem is just having a shitty year. Married the psycho, divorcing the psycho, loosing his best friend, and now his mother. My sympathies go out to him.

Rosie O'Donnell Joining 'The View'

They are supposed to announce today that Rosie O'Donnell will be taking the vacancy over at The View. At first, I was bummed, because I was rooting for that rumor about Mario Cantone. But as I thought about it, I realized this shit will be fantastic. We already know what Rosie thinks of Star Jones' supposed weight loss by diet. Rosie doesn't hold anything back.

This shit will rule. I may end up watching this now. Watch out, Star!

Where's a Tranquilizer Dart When You Need It?

He not only jumps on couches, he climbs big metal poles! (Hee!) Here is Tom Cruise, king of the crazies, waving at his adoring public at some event for his new stupid movie.

Pete Doherty is Considerate

Hey, gotta make sure his passed-the-hell-out guests get their fair share of heroin.

Yep folks, that's Pete Doherty, our favorite smack addict, shooting up an unconsious female fan. As in, she's OUT COLD. ON THE FLOOR.

From The Sun: DRUG fiend Pete Doherty stoops to a shocking new low in pictures showing him injecting heroin into an unconscious fan.
The junkie Babyshambles singer, who has won the heart of supermodel Kate Moss, was snapped jabbing the pretty youngster as she lay in his squalid kitchen.
Other pictures seen by The Sun show the rocker — who faces drugs charges — injecting himself and being helped to take drugs by a girl using her hands to form a makeshift tourniquet.
Yet another sees Doherty, 27, smoke a “crack bowl”, his tattooed and blood-stained arms betraying his addiction.

It's official. Pete Doherty is a less-talented, more annoying version of Kurt Cobain. REALLY less-talented.

Mandy Moore Doesn't Like Orgasms

Supposedly, Mandy Moore is embarassed by her recent photo on the cover of Cosmo magazine. Because the words "Orgasm Unlimited" appear in large print next to her face.

"I'm very flattered to be on a magazine cover, but the horrifying part is my parent's have framed every magazine that I've ever been on from the beginning.

"So there's a whole wall dedicated to that and it starts off with me at 14 and 'Mandy's favourite colour is pink!' and now Cosmo and my face and 'orgasms unlimited.'

"And my dad has to take it to the framer's to get it framed. It has nothing to do with me - it's just an article (that appears in the magazine)!"

Honey, this is Cosmo we're talking about! Orgasms, lipstick and bad grammar are their bread and butter. You want class, go join the Angelina Jolie club and get your ass on the cover of Time or some shit.

More Child Abuse in the Federline-Spears Household

K Fed was talking to Extra about his poopy new album. Most of the interveiw is crap, but according to K Fed, his baby son, Sean Preston, is a BIG fan.

"“He'’s all smiles whenever he hears it."

"“You can tell the musically inclined thing is already there with him."

Yeah, he's smiling because he's thinking of the tell-all book he's gonna publish if you fools manage to keep him alive til he can read and write.

Tom Cruise Renames Katie Holmes

That's right. He says it, it is to be.

Says the weirdo: "Katie is a young girl's name. Her name is Kate now; she's a child-bearing woman."

Make it so!!!

Namoi Campbell Can't Stop Hitting People

Damn. At this rate, bitch is gonna have to pick up her own dirty laundry and cook her own food. What a shame.

ANOTHER maid has come forward saying Namoi hit her: "She assaulted me too - and for the same reason as the other girl - over a pair of jeans. She hit me with her hand on the back of the head when I couldn't find her Stella MCCartney jeans. "She was cursing me. Naomi was so upset. She was threatening that she was going to get me arrested and put me in jail for stealing her clothes." A police spokesman says, "This will not go to court and Miss Campbell was not arrested. But it is relevant in the light of the other complaint."

That's right, bitch! You stole those jeans, you know it!

Heather Locklear Hates Denise Richards

Apparently, The Sheens and The Samboras were neighbors. Once they divorced, the men moved out, but the women hate each other. Apparently, Denise and Heather used to be buddies - in fact, it was Denise who advised Heather to divorce Richie. But it would appear she had a reason to suggest that, from the photos I posted a while back. So Heather hates Denise now.

From the article: “Heather thinks Denise is the worst kind of woman — a backstabber,” a “pal” told the mag. “She wants nothing to do with her ever again.”

Ouch. Way to be, Denise.

Shar Jackson is Saying Stuff

Shar Jackson, K Fed's baby mama, is talking. If you care about what she's saying, click the link and go on over to TMZ to see. I don't care, so I didn't listen. I'm sure she's whining about getting left behind, having his kids to raise, and all that.

I've given up feeling sorry for these stupid women who insist on fucking and staying with stupid men. (Yes Britney, I know you're not that bright, but I am talking to YOU. Oh yeah, and YOU, Katie Holmes!)

Chestica is Whining Again

Apparently, Chestica is angry because of the interview soon-to-be-ex-hubby Nick Lachey gave to Rolling Stone that ended up in Us Magazine. Who cares. We all know this shit already. You got married, you had a show, you thought tuna was chicken, you went to make a movie, you slept with Knoxville, got the herpes, and ew.

Dumb shit: "Nick waited until two weeks before for his album to debut (Lachey's CD, What's Left of Me, will be released May 9] to tell a reporter that he loved Jessica. That's not cool." Furthermore, the insider adds, "he keeps saying, 'I'm sorry I couldn't make her happy,' but he is not choosing to say why."

Oh my God, she is dumb. How is she gonna say that he "waited" to say he loved her, and why should he have to explain himself??? SHE wanted to dump his ass. SHE wanted to go screw that band guy, and NOW she's screwing Dane Cook!!!! If she wanted to stay with her husband, then she should've stayed, gotten marriage counseling like HE WANTED to do, not run off to spread Knoxville's herpes to any willing male.

Sorry, no sympanthy here, Chestica. You made your bed, lie in it. So what if he's using the divorce to sell records. You used your virginity and your marriage to sell yours. This isn't any different, no matter what your creepy dad says.

Meh You're Both Fugly

In other Simpson news, apparently Asslee, who has denied any tension between her and Boobs in the past, has declared she is prettier than her big sis:

"I'm taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers....I got lucky because my chest size isn't completely massive."

Sorry, hun. You're ugly, she's ugly, her boobs are fake. But don't worry, I'm willing to bet your darling pervy daddy Joe Simpson loves you JUST the way you are!!!

People names Angelina Jolie Most Beautiful Person

I've got nothing to say really, but "Uh, duh." She's way hot.

But I do want to know, whose idea was it to stick Kirstie Alley's annoying fat ass on that list? If she's sexy, then Tom Cruise is a normal, well-adjusted individual. Seriously.

Nick Lachey Mix-Up

You've all probably seen the Us Weekly with Nick Lachey's shirtless, macho pose. It was originally shot for the cover of Rolling Stone, which has that interview I posted earlier. He had been told it'd be a cover, but after the interview, they told him they needed more dirt on Chestica Simpson and her pervy dad Joe. He declined, once again being the bigger man in that situation, so they bumped his cover with that stupid cartoon of GWB. Apparently, Lachey's management company then figured "what the hell?" and gave the photos to Us Weekly who published a short story about Nick appearing in Rolling Stone.

Well, understandably, Lachey was pissed since nobody talked to him about being on the cover of Us Weekly. They also allege that Rolling Stone got him all drunk during that interview in order to get more dish.

Since when has Rolling Stone become People Magazine or Layla the Princess of Snark??? Me likes.

Magic Comes in Handy

So we have these two very popular magicians. Both seem to enjoy their talents, both are pretty good at what they do.

First, let's talk about David Blaine. He's the dude who stuck himself in an ice cube in the middle of Times Square for a couple days, and who levitates himself. His new thing: beginning May 1st, he's going to spend 7 days living underwater in a giant aquarium. On the last day, he's going to cut off oxygen, and attempt to hold his breath for 9 minutes, which would be a world record. The whole mess will air on a TV special on ABC on May 8th. So Blaine's talents come in handy to make his ass rich and famous.

Then there's David Copperfield. He has a few shows, but he's been around forever, so he doesn't really have to do the fancy shit to get noticed or make the dough. He's an old favorite.

Copperfield and two female assistants were walking back to his tourbus in Florida, when a group of teenaged boys decided to rob them. This is where Copperfield's talents come in handy - he was able to make them believe he had nothing to steal, by doing some sort of magic trick-of-the-eye thing. He turned his pockets out, making them believe they were empty, when really he had his passport, airplane tickets, and a cell phone.

He wasn't as cool as he could've been, as he couldn't help his assistants. They lost $400, plane tickets, and a cell phone. That sucks.

Teri Hatcher Takes a Shot in the Eye

NOT as gross as it sounds, folks. Hee. I just couldn't resist.

Apparently, Teri Hatcher was filming on the set of the show Desperate Housewives when a lightblub exploded, and she got some glass in her eye. She went to the doctor, who proclaimed she would live. After a few days, she should be cleared to return to work. All is right with the world.

Charlie Sheen Shot Kelly Preston???

Supposedly, waaaaaaaaaaay back in the day, Charlie Sheen, and Kelly Preston, (who is now married to John Travolta) were dating and lived together. Charlie shot her in the arm once, though said it was an accident. Kelly has never spoken of the incident at all? Odd....

Linda Perry is Fooling Herself

You may remember Linda Perry. She was in 4 Non Blondes. She did that great song "What's Up" or as I remember it, the "what's going on" song. She has written for Pink, and Christina Aguilera. Now she seems to think she can save the shipwreck that is Courtney Love.

Linda, I love ya. You do GREAT work. But it's gonna take WAY more than just YOU to save Courtney Love. More like you, a team of scientists, rehab docs, and priests who perform exorsists. Best of luck, lady. You're going to need it.

Prince William Learns to Sail

And he is still hot shit. Wooo! Teach ME to sail!

Brangelina in Africa

Brad, Angie, and the kids had some photos taken of them playing around in the desert for a magazine. What I want to know is, why the hell is Maddox in only one picture??? He's going to be angry when he sees this.