Jennifer Aniston Has Lost her Mind

Angelina and the almighty Maddox laugh at the silly Jenn.

Finally! What I've been waiting for!

Since getting her ass cheated on by Vince Vaughn and getting dumped by Brad Pitt who was enslaved by The Goddess, apparently Jennifer Aniston is not only annoying and a shitty actress, but bitch is also certifiable. This is hilarious to me, I'm sorry.

According to IDLYITW: On the effect of seeing pictures of baby Shiloh:"she collapses in a heap, clutching her womb like she's been stabbed if she so much as passes a baby stroller on the street."

On how she deal with it:"throwing baby dolls into a bonfire on the beach behind her place in Malibu. It's creepy, but she says it makes her feel better for a few hours."

Hey, there's a bright side:"At least she's stopped watching 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' over and over again, for days at a time without eating or sleeping. That just wasn't healthy."

Throwing baby dolls into a campfire??? That's hella creepy. And what the hell is wrong with watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith over and over again for days at a time without sleeping? Oh wait, I'm not insane, I just have nasty sex fantasies about Angelina Jolie and her Man Slave.

Anywho, it's been two years since the divorce. Jennifer really needs some professional fucking help. No wonder Vince Vaughn cheated on her. He was probably tired of hearing "I'm prettier than her right?" over and over and over again.

These Two Have No Idea When to Shut the Hell Up Already

I chose this picture because it looks like he's trying to squeeze out a turd. Hee.

Seriously? Nobody cares anymore. The Hairpiece is still yapping about how he thinks Rosie O'Donnell is stupid, and Rosie is still typing cute little poems on her blog about it. Only nobody gives a shit anymore that a fat lesbian and a dumb rich guy with a combover hate each other. I vote we put 'em in a cage match with jello and call it a year.

According to USA Today: The bitter battle of words between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell isn't over. "Rosie's a loser. She's been a loser always," the real estate mogul and host of NBC's The Apprentice, said Thursday in a phone interview with The Associated Press. "Her show failed, her magazine failed. Barbara Walters gave her new life, but she'll fail at that also because she's inherently a stone-cold loser."

Later on: The feud continued this week when O'Donnell posted this entry on her website: "so what happens/ when u say the emperor has no clothes/ the comb over goes ballistic/ via phone to mr king."

Will the mudslinging ever stop?

"It will never end on my behalf because I've exposed Rosie for what she is: a very dumb human being," Trump told the AP. "She's got no intelligence, but I've known that for a long time. Unfortunately, Rosie's pulled the wool over the public."

Okay seriously? Nobody cared about what she said in the first place. The public already knows Trump is an inflated ass. Nothing Rosie O'Donnell says is gonna change that opinion. Hell, Jesus himself could come over to my house for tea and tell me Donald was a saint and helped little orphans get medicine, and I'd still think The Hairpiece was a douche.

In short, they both need to shut the hell up already.

Julia Roberts is Preggo

Julia Roberts' spokeswhore has confirmed she and hubby Danny Moder are expecting baby number three. They already have a set of twins, Finn and Hazel.

Congrats to mom and dad and best of luck and health in this pregnancy!

Godfather of Soul Laid to Rest

Fans of James Brown flocked to the Apollo Theatre where the Godfather of Soul got his start to pay their last respects to the man. His 24-carat gold casket was brought to the theatre via horsedrawn carriage. 24-carat gold? Damn skippy!

Al Sharpton spoke at the service, and the theatre was open until about 9 PM so everyone could have a chance to pay their respects.

FedEx Scheduled for Asskicking on New Year's Day

FedEx is to wrestle John Cena on New Year's day, and he's under some dellusion that he can win, and that Cena won't paint the ring with FedEx's ugly face. The match is scheduled to go down in Miami, which bums me out because I know there's supposed to be a stop in Kansas City, where I live, and you can bet your ass I would go without food to afford tickets to see this shit.

According to Hollywood Rag: Federline - the estranged husband of Britney Spears - said: "The real KevinFederline never backs down from a challenge. Make all your jokes, becauseNew Year's Day I'm the one who is going to be laughing. Oh yeah, Cena, myname is not K-Fed, it's Kevin Federline, b***h, and I want some and I'mgonna get some."

Yeah. When asked, Hot Shit John Cena laughed and said "I will kill your freeloading ass." Okay not really, but that's what I say.

Hey Vegas! Hide Your Children!

Jacko and his entourage have arrived in Vegas. Word is he's gonna cook up some show on the strip like Celine Dion did last year. Only with more gowns. Ha. I'm funny when I'm sleep deprived.

So yeah. This is supposedly his house. All it's missing is a big neon "CONEMNED" sticker. He spent Christmas causing chaos at the Ceasar's forum shops. He had to leave after only 15 minutes of shopping since his security guards were unable to hold back the crowds.

Hmm. If he does old shit, this might be worth seeing. Not from too close though. Nobody wants to see that creepy face up close. Ugh.

RIP James Brown

Legend James Brown passed away yesterday morning. He'd been hospitalized for pnemonia. He was diabetic and had cancer that was in remission.

From MSNBC: “People already know his history, but I would like for them to know he was a man who preached love from the stage,” said friend Charles Bobbit, who was with Brown at the hospital. “His thing was ‘I never saw a person that I didn’t love.’ He was a true humanitarian who loved his country.”

The entertainer with the rough-edged voice and flashy footwork also had diabetes and prostate cancer that was in remission, Bobbit said. Brown initially seemed fine at the hospital, Copsidas said. Three days before his death, he had participated in his annual toy giveaway in Augusta, and he was looking forward to his New Year’s Eve show.

“Last night, he said ‘I’m going to be there. I’m the hardest working man in show business,”’ Copsidas said Monday.

Just wanted to pop on and post this before I forgot. We heard this on the TV as the fam and I were sitting down for Christmas lunch. What a shame to lose him on a holiday. I didn't even know The Godfather of Soul was sick.

My thoughts go out to his friends and family. Rest in peace, Mr. Brown.

Merry Christmas!!!

I thought a very fitting story to go with my "merry Christmas" post would be of the Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie at Kitson picking up last minute gifts for Man-Slave Brad Pitt and the royal children. As usual, she is hot.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Chestica Knows She Sucks

Remember how Chestica Simpson tried to sing 9 to 5 at a tribute to Dolly Parton, only she sucked ass, and had to retape it? Well the second try sucked too, and she got her shit chewed out by her mother, backstage, in front of Dolly. That was hot. What's hotter though, is Chestica now wants the performance pulled from the actual airing of the special. Bitch knows she sucked ass.

...after Simpson saw a tape, she requested the second attempt be pulled from the show, which airs Dec. 26 on CBS. "She really wasn't happy with her performance and she did want it to be perfect for Dolly, who she idolizes," said Cindi Berger, a spokeswoman for Simpson."

If this bitch's career isn't circling the drain, on the way to the sewer of has-been land, then I dunno what the hell it is.

Oh yeah the picture is from some movie she's filming called Blonde Ambition. It's bound to suck and Madonna should sue since her tour was way better.

This is the Most Hilarious Couple EVER

Dude, I want to know when THIS went down! Martha Stewart and Sir Anthony Hopkins??? This is just frigging awesome! Hannibal Lector is like the Martha Stewart of cannibals! How fucking perfect is this! Sadly though, this couple made in fried-brains-heaven did not work out. Miss Stewart was freaked out by his character in the movies.

Said Martha: "Oh, I loved him, but he was... scary. I was going to invite him up to Maine; I have this beautiful home in Maine... but then I reconsidered because I saw that movie again. Do you want someone eating your brain while you are sitting in your beautiful dining room in Maine … I would have probably had a very nice relationship with Anthony Hopkins, but I couldn't get past the Lecter thing."

Bah! Yeah, he'd fry your brains, but the presentation would be just BEAUTIFUL. It would shame the Iron Chef, and you know it.

Seriously though, I love Sir Anthony. He's an awesome actor and he could charm the pants off ya. He can do away better than the anal retentive queen of housebitches.

Shut the Hell Up

This movie, Black Christmas, is set to release on Christmas day. It's about some dude who likes killing bitches on major holidays or something. It looks dumber than hell. It probably would have made all of three bucks at the box office. That is, until some jackass at The Catholic League for Religious & Civil Rights got his rosary in a bunch and decided to bitch about a horror flick being released on Jesus' birthday. Now everyone's gonna go just to spite this asshole.

Says the asshole: “Even in Hollywood, a town where bashing Christians is sport and Catholics are the target of choice, the Weinsteins stand out. It is not uncommon for theaters to host dark comedies or tearjerkers . . . but when it comes to blood-and-gore flicks, they never open on Christmas Day - unless, of course, the men behind the movie are Harvey and Bob Weinstein.”

Like I said, who cares? If you don't like it, don't go see it. Tell your buddies not to see it. Jesus doesn't care about some crappy horror movie. Even he'll tell ya, they haven't put out a good one in YEARS. (Excluding anything produced by or presented by Tarantino. I'd have that man's babies.)

Don't Mess with Rose O'Donnell

So Rosie O'Donnell gave Donald Trump some shit over the whole Miss USA thing. Miss USA got in trouble for snorting coke or something and The Donald announced he would give her a second chance and not take her crown. (He runs the beauty pageant, I guess.) Rosie basically laughed at that because seriously, Donald is not a beacon of moral values. She is Rosie O'Donnell, in case anybody forgot. He is The Donald. King of the Toupee. Well, he got all pissy about it, I guess.



Okay seriously, someone get him a tissue. The whiner. What does he care what a daytime lesbian host has to say? If he's so damn important, he should ignore her shit.

Rosie of course, replied.

From DListed:
After Donald’s tirade of fat jokes and threatening to steal her girlfriend on several entertainment shows last night. Rosie responded on The View. She said that she brought her girlfriend along just in case someone with a combover came and stole him. Ok, Donald….it’s your move!

Hee! Don't mess with Rosie. Bitch really doesn't have much to lose, so she won't give up. Donald might as well shut the hell up right now.

Source:
http://dlisted.com/2006/12/21/and-its-rosies-turn/

Vacation Time!!!

Used the Trent picture because, well, it's my blog and I do what I want. Ha.

So I will be on vacation until next Saturday, so it'll probably be a week from Tuesday before I regain my sanity and am able to post again. Hopefully nothing important happens while I'm gone - like Katie-Kate escaping or Britney's vagina escaping...hey, you never know. But gotta take my happy fat pregnant ass home to see the family.

Hope everyone is well, and see ya later!

Why Hasn't this Bitch Lost Her Mind Yet???

Seriously, if I was Tina Simpson, I'd of divorced the perv and taken over LONG ago.

I didn't post about it because I've been busy, but Chestica Simpson seriously effed up singing Dolly Parton's classic 9 to 5 at a tribute show this week. She didn't show up for rehearsals, so she had to read from cue cards. It was painfully obvious she was doing this. She also stopped singing, ran offstage, forcing them to reshoot it for the TV special. She looked like she'd been crying in the reshot version. It sounded horrible, and it made me smile.

Apparently, her mother, Tina, chewed her out in front of Dolly and President Bush. How awesome is that?

According to TMZ: Tina Simpson was furious with Jess after she flubbed lyrics, stood statue-still on stage while trying to hold her dress up, and then awkwardly hurried off with a few mumbled words to Parton. Tina told her daughter that the performance was “embarrassing” and “unprofessional,” and mom was further incensed because Jessica had missed a dress rehearsal and hadn’t adequately learned lyrics to the song — which necessitated cue cards at the front of the stage. Jessica can be clearly seen reading from the cards during her performance.

Nice. Apparently the reverend pervert Papa Joe thought her original "performance" was "cute" and wanted it left in the show. Luckily producers disagreed and obviously, it was reshot. Still wasn't good, but I'm not surprised. It's Chestica after all.

According to DListed: Dolly has forgiven Jessica and said that if she was in the same position she “would probably be so nervous and forget to wear her wig!”

I love Dolly. She's such a sweetheart. I'm really starting to like Tina too. She's getting a voice. Maybe she'll put a stop to the perv's ways. Heh. I know, I'm delusional again!

Britney's Attempt at Damage Control

This picture appeared on Britney Spears' homepage on Thursday. It's a statement regarding her two week plunge into herpes-land with Parisite Hilton and Lindsay Blohan.

Says Brit: "It's been so long since I've been out on the town with friends. It's also been 2 years since I celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found (sic) freedom a little too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria's Secrets' new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me. I'm just getting started....Happy Holidays everyone! Britney"

Props for the "Victoria's Secret" quip. At least she has a sense of humor about the 47 pictures of her vagina on the internet. If she doesn't clean up the drunken slut image, her career is more over than it was when she first was inpregnanted by FedEx.

Tom Hanks Kicks Tom Cruise's Fat Ass

Not literally, sadly. But in a survey of 1,003 adults, he won out as the favorite actor.

According to the survey: Following Hanks' 44% rating were Robert De Niro, 33%; Julia Roberts, 29%; Will Smith and Sandra Bullock, 27%; and Mel Gibson, 26%."

I'm kind of surprised Mel Passion of the Gibson is still on there. He bugs me since he's an anti-semite and all. Oh well, some people can overlook that, I guess.

Of course, the survey goes on to say that Tom Couch Jumpin' Cruise won out as LEAST liked actor. Color me shocked.

Tom Cruise lead that pack, with 34% saying they would avoid any movie he was in."

In other news, look at that picture and try to not vomit. Between J.Lo and her dead husband, and the fatness that has become the hobbit Tom Cruise, Katie-Kate looks like she's dying inside. Bitch will start cutting herself, just you watch.

Source for picture:
http://www.wwtdd.com/post.phtml?pk=1662

Dammit Madge...

Every time I think Madonna is shaping up and I can root for her camp again, she effs up. This time, it's that dead-animal rag she's wearing. Bitch used to have common sense. Who let her leave the house with that travesty in clothing????

Anyways, she went out in that crap and went to eat with husband Guy Ritchie. Apparently, things were icy and shitty.

According to a witness: “The atmosphere between them was more than frosty. Guy was the one who was raising his voice the most - you couldn’t help but hear what he was saying. They were sitting in a corner booth and he was telling her that he’d had enough of her being so controlling all the time and that something had to give. Madonna tried to give it back to him, but he would just talk over her. She just seemed really embarrassed. They didn’t enjoy their meal and left after about an hour and a half.”

Rumor has it they're visiting one of the best marriage counselors in England. Their 6-year anniversary is coming up. I'm actually cheering for these two, because dammit, girl hasn't been happy with a man before Guy. Sean Penn was effing psycho and used to beat her ass, and Lourdes' baby-daddy just wanted to ride the Maddy train to fame. I hope she wakes up, throws away the fur, and they work shit out.

Well AA Didn't Work...

Someone got ahold of a lovely, rambling, psycho sounding text message Lindsey Lohan sent after that GQ party last week. Oh it is golden.

Part one: "Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."

According to WWTDD: Lohan then says she should sue the tabloids for defamation of character, then wrote "way of the future-Howard Hughes" for some reason followed by her plan to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press."

More rambling: "... our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."

If I remember right, her rambling crap she released when Robert Altman died was signed "be ADEQUITE" or some weird shit like that...

Yeah, AA has helped her SO MUCH.

Please God, Let Her Be Sterile...

Of course, I dunno what I'm talking about. Bitch would just go buy herself a kid. And I'm sure there are agencies dumb enough to sell her a kid.

Anyways, Parisite Hilton was flapping her mouth about how she wants to be a mom.

It's been my dream to have four babies by 30," the 25-year-old heiress announced, reports Life & Style Weekly. And Hilton thinks she's highly qualified for motherhood, explaining: "I look after animals, so I'd have a lot to give my kids." In fact, looking after kiddies has become so appealing to Hilton that she recently cut short a night out with Spears, announcing to friends, "We're going home to the babies. We miss them."

Yes, because having pets is EXACTLY like raising kids. Please someone keep this from happening!

C. Love Gives Britney Some Advice

You know you're in deep shit when Courtney Love looks like a better mother than you.

Yes, Ms. Love had a comment or two on Britney Spears new habits of running around getting sloshed and showing cameras her vah-jay-jay. Oh yeah, speaking of nasty vah-jay-jay, Janice Dickenson said some shit too.

Courtney Love spilled the beans about her own love woes, after we commented on her stunning appearance.

“I look a little chunky,” she confessed. “I got depressed over a guy, and I ate angry menstrual ice cream.”

While she wouldn’t reveal the identity of the man who holds her heart, Courtney did had plenty to say about new mom Britney Spears’ recent late-night partying with Paris Hilton.

“Say what you will about me, and I'm not passing judgment, but when I had my daughter, I stayed home with her almost every night for the first year of her life,” Love said.

Supermodel Janice Dickinson echoed those sentiments, and told “Extra” it’s time for the pop princess to hang up her party pants and be a mom.

“I mean, even I had give up my wild ways and buckle down and become a parent,” Dickinson insisted. “Paris is not the nanny; Britney should hang with the nannies and the children.”

Hey, at least the bitch WORE pants. Something Brit Brit needs to look into. Dunno how old that pic of C. Love and daughter Frances Bean Cobain are, but if they are recent, she is looking good. Frances of course, always looks good. She's a cutie.

More And More, I Love This Man.

First, he disses the Simpson girls. Now he calls Madonna out on being a snotty bitch to work with. David La Chappelle is the shit!

He explains, "I had written the scenario, was paid for the concept. "But after Rize, when I started to analyse what made me happy or not, I understood that she was not the person with who I wished to collaborate. "She is nice when you are alone with her, but when you work for her, she can be very... nasty. She is with people she employs. I didn't want to be tortured. "I don't have anything against difficulties, but there, that would have been unpleasant. I would not have had fun. There is a part of cruelty in her."

Hee. I can definately see that. The picture I used was taken by him years ago for Rolling Stone magazine when her album Ray of Light came out. Lovely picture, bitchy woman.

Lohan Goes to AA. And Just in Time Too

Dina Lohan, mother to Lindsay and giant famewhore, has confirmed to Ryan Seacrest that her daughter has been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. This comes just before Linds makes a whiney spoiled drunken brat of herself at the GQ Men of the Year dinner a couple nights ago.

According to Page Six: ... she "flipped out" upon seeing Jessica Biel there with her assistant. Biel's assistant used to work for Lohan and earned her ire when she quit several months ago. According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, "If she stays, I'm outta here! I can't look at that girl! I can't believe you would allow an assistant in here - she doesn't belong in here!" "It was really uncalled for," said our spy. "Jessica and everyone else ignored her … Jess didn't steal anyone's assistant - her assistant stopped working for Lindsay a long time ago. And whatever drama happened, Jess was no part of it. She is not part of [Lohan's] crowd - she is a professional."

And the best part: Lohan was shunned at the glittering affair by other celebs who are tired of her bratty antics and bad work ethic. Overhearing her tirade about Biel's assistant, Will Ferrell turned to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck and said, "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?" - setting off laughter. Later, Lohan, with a champagne glass in her hand, tried flirting with Leo, to no avail.

I'm so enjoying this. Although, and I'm just guessing here, I think AA only works if you like, you know, try not to drink? Getting sloshed at parties does not look much like someone trying to quit...

But hey, that's just me. I could be wrong.

Happy Birthday Britney! Three Guesses as to What I'm Getting You...

Aw, Britney Spears turns 25 today. Hopefully she's learned her lesson from last week, and now has bought herself some panties. If not, I've got some frilly granny-panties for her.

Happy birthday Brit, please keep the vah-jay-jay to yourself.