Idol Finale Tonight

So I thought it was last night and turned it on and saw the last 20 minutes or so. I live in the Kansas City area, so there's so much David Cook worship around here, I'm getting freaking sick of it. Anyways, he was doing his last song, and I have to admit he kicked some ass. Of course that pansy bitch Simon just had to piss in his cheerios and give him critism.

Then the other David with the annoying last name who looks to be maybe 14, at most, sang and butchered John Lennon's Imagine. He should be beaten. But all three judges sucked his ass and the pre-teen chicks in the audience screamed so loud I'm sure all the dogs in the area of filming are new deaf.

So tonight is the results show. I'm sure it's forever long, and all they really need to say is "this bitch won, this one lost." I want David Cook to win, and a lot of people are predicting that he will, but remember, this is the same show that made Clay Gayken a star. I don't have high hopes.

Anyway, after tonight this shit is over until next fall, when they annoy me once again.

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This Bitch is Going to Jail

Lou Pearlman is the ho you have to thank for New Kids on the Block, N'Sync, and Backstreet Boys. I know I'm thanking his ass. Ugh.

Anyways, he was convicted after pleading guilty to cheating banks and investors out of around $300 million and he wanted to put off starting his sentence so he could promote his new group, US 5. The judge didn't think it was a good idea either.

According to Reuters: In an audacious two-decade-long scam, Pearlman enticed individuals and banks to invest millions of dollars in two companies that existed only on paper and won the confidence of investors with strong but fake financial statements created by a fictitious accounting firm, according to his plea agreement.

U.S. Judge G. Kendall Sharp held up a book with letters from Pearlman's victims, saying they included "his family, his close friends and people in their 70s and 80s who have lost their life savings."

"So the sympathy factor doesn't run high with the court," Sharp said.

He was sentenced to 25 years. Good riddance.

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Mutt Lange is a Dumbass

I guess last week word got out that Shania Twain and husband of 14 years, Mutt Lange, called it quits. According to Lange, "they just grew apart." What he does not mention is how he was fucking the secretary.

According to People: What caused the sudden breakup of Shania Twain and her husband, music producer Robert "Mutt" Lange, after 14 years of marriage?...sources close to the situation say a third party was involved: Marie Ann Thiebaud, a longtime secretary and manager of the couple's chateau in Switzerland. "Mutt and Marie Ann left their spouses for each other and are still in a relationship," says one source...An insider says the "You're Still the One" singer is "devastated. This came out of left field...She loved him."

So the hot picture above? Is Shania Twain. She is still that hot. I want to see the secretary. She must have the voodoo pussy because why the hell else would you cheat on your wife when she looks like this and this aaaand you look like this. He's fucking stupid.

UPDATE: I don't know how true this is, but I heard on the radio this morning that Shania has been celibate for the past year or so. In which case I say, I don't care how hot you are. If you don't have sex with YOUR HUSBAND whom you claim to love, I can see why he went elsewhere for sexy stuffs. Not sayin' it's right, but I can understand. Who the hell goes celibate in a marriage unless they hate who they're married to? I'm just sayin'....

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Holy Hell!

Angie is flipping huge. How she thought she could keep "not comfirming" her pregnancy I don't know. What did she think we were all dumb? Not everyone is as gullible as the Man-Slave. That is why he is a slave. I worship your ass and all, but even I won't believe you when you say "Oh no I'm not pregnant. I've just gained weight."

Are they sure there's only two babies in there? Maybe she's using her uterus to house homeless children from Africa or some shit.

Yeah this is another picture from Cannes. This is from the premiere of Clint Eastwood's flick Changeling.

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Being Married to Pete Wentz is Awesome

Oh yeah, it sounds like Ashlee's having a ball thus far. Nothing like a husband who calls radio stations and tells all your business. What a catch!

Pete Wentzy called up Ryan Gaycrest's radio show this morning to talk about his wedding and shit. He had lots to say.

On his new wifey: "legally [Ashley] is a Wentz ... I don't know what she'll do with her stage name, that's up to her. She hasn't decided that." He also goes on to say they signed a prenup. How romantic.

Also romantic? They're not having a formal honeymoon yet. They're hanging out in the basement. Seriously. "We got some blow-up palm trees. A little fake-n-bake tanning booth." Well Ashlee's starting to get fat, and Papa Joe wants to capitalize on that shit, and he hasn't figured out how yet since nobody wants to pay the retarded amounts of money he wants to get the "exclusive" on her and the kid.

Speaking of the kid, Gaycrest asked about that too. Wentzy was a little testy: "Ryan, this baby has not been confirmed. The only thing I'm confirming now is that we're in the basement on our honeymoon with these blow-up palm trees." Pissy bitch! His guyliner must be out and Papa Joe won't let him out of the basement to hit up Walgreen's.

What a romantic couple, these two.

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Sharon Osbourne is Pennicle of Manners

VH1 is gonna have another one of those "charm school" shows only this time, showcasing the bitches from the two seasons of Rock of Love. They have slated Sharon Osbourne to host. I'm so watching this shit.

Breakout stars from both seasons of “Rock of Love” will come together under one roof to learn and grow in areas of etiquette, fashion, manners, and moderation. They will be refined in hopes to graduate “Charm School” as sophisticated and polite ladies. And who better to push these girls down the road to renewal and re-discovery than Sharon Osbourne. As Headmistress of “Charm School,” Sharon will attempt to strip the girls of their former rebellious and wild ways. And with some help from experts, hopefully transform the girls into fully rockin’ ladies.

The contestants will focus on one lesson a week followed by a demanding test. Whoever doesn’t measure up to the challenges of “Charm School” will be expelled. In the end, the last one standing will be rewarded with $100,000 to put towards her new and improved life.

Definately watching this. According to a Wikipedia page, here is the cast:

Rock of Love 1: Brandi, Rodeo, Dallas, Erin, Heather, Tiffany & Lacey
Rock of Love 2: Angelique, Aubry, Daisy, Destiney, Kristy Joe & Megan

Heather? Oh yes, I am all over this.

This will be classic. Nothing like having a woman host who once shit on a statue to get back at her father, owner of the house she was being thrown out of. Oh yeah, this is gonna be reality gold.

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The Robot and the Midget Move to NYC

Katie-Kate Holmes will make her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's All My Sons. That means she's moving to NYC with Suri and the Angry Midget. Doesn't she look like she's wearing a wig in this picture? Is that part of being a robot wife?

From PlayBill: All My Sons tells the story of a man who hastily sold defective airplane parts to the Army, which caused the crafts to crash, killing 21 men. His crime, which he long had deflected by blaming his business partner, comes back to light as his son plans to wed the partner's daughter.

Look out, New York! Nothing like a pissed off $cientologist loose in the Big Apple. This oughtta be interesting.

If you remember, this was originally when Katie-Kate was going to flee her gay husband with their daughter and he sent her off for reprogramming. Now she's a good little Stepford Wife.

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This Explains a Lot

Apparently Brooke Hogan is going nuts. This explains so much for me. Fox News is reporting that with her brother in jail, and her parents splitting up, she's taking all the shit the hardest.

Daddy Hulk Hogan thinks the reality show they did for VH1 is to blame for all the family's issues: “I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about."

"We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete, but I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.”

Yeah because these shows always worked out SO WELL for these people's personal lives. Chestica Simpson and Nick Lachey split up. Nobody cared about Ashlee Simpson before or after her damn show. Jack and Kelly Osbourne have battled with drug and alcohol addiction. Reality TV is awesome, folks.

Gimmie a break. Own up to what you've all done. Reality TV did NOT make Nick wreck his car. His dumbness and the fact that he was legally drunk did that. Reality TV did NOT make Hulk go screw his 20-something daughter's friend thus ending his marriage of like 15-some-odd years. Idiots.

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Lohan Getting Sued Over the Coat

Didn't Lindsay Lohan used to be hot? God she looks like a truck stop whore.

The bitch that Lohan stole the fur coat from is suing. Masha Markova is still pissed that Linds stole her $11,000 coat, tramped around town getting photographed by OK magazine while wearing it, then returned it without so much as an explaination or apology.

According to papers filed by Markova: "Defendant's [Lohan's] actions were intentional, oppressive and malicious and were carried out with reckless disregard for plaintiff's rights," according to the lawsuit. Plaintiff has been injured by the defendant's actions."

"Throughout this time, defendant used plaintiff's blond mink coat for her own benefit and deprived plaintiff of her rightful possession and use of her property."

Markova has said in interviews she wanted a $10,000 rental fee for Lohan having the coat for a week. The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

Does Lohan even HAVE $10,000? I think bitch spent all her money on booze, cigs, blow, and her new girlfriend.

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Jean-Claude Van Damme to John Mayer: "MY Body is a Wonderland!"

Uh, no. This is even more perverse than the Carrot Top picture. Excuse me while I vomit.

This picture is apparently from the Cannes festival, where he is proving to some fans that he still has it. If by "it" he means funky old man boobs, then yes. He definately has it.

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John Mayer's Body is a Wonderland. Ew.

So obviously Jennifer Aniston is elated that some dude is sticking around. Maybe she'll get to have that kid and give Dame Goddess the middle finger like she's been wanting to do for like 3 years now.

Apparently there's some other reason to love John Mayer, also known as "Chestica Simpson's sloppy seconds."

According to NY Daily News: "She's just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character," said one spy.

The reason can't just be that she is dating John Mayer. No one is that happy with Jessica Simpson's sloppy seconds. What we hear is there is a certain feature of John that leaves Jen so pleased. The crooner's ex-paramours reveal he is hell to get over, not because he's a great guy, but because he's a "great" guy, if you know what we mean."His body actually is a wonderland," one ex was overheard saying.

Which if you are daft, means he has a big penis. Ew. Congrats, Jen? I dunno about that.

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The Hell?

So it's now been confirmed that Dame Goddess is indeed pregnant, not just housing a basketball. It's also been confirmed that she's having twins. She still hasn't confirmed the third rumor is that she's having fraternal twin girls. Anyways.

Word is that she and Man-Slave are disagreeing on what to name the twins. She wants to go with Castor and Pollox, the mythical twin boys from the sign Gemini, because that's her sign. Obviously Man-Slave doesn't want one of his girls saddled with a name that rhymes with "bollocks." Makes sense to me.

However, he forgets that he is to do what he is told, so this whole argument is moot. The twins are from now on referred to as Castor and Bollocks and that is final. Apparently she needs to get Maddox to put that bitch in his place because he keeps forgetting.

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New Batman Flick Poster

Pure awesome. This movie is gonna break records, I can feel it.

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Quick! Save this Child!

Okay apparently Pete Doherty isn't kidnapping a child, this little boy is his son, Astile. Though you cannot tell by looking, since the child doesn't look like a walking crack-corpse. I hope someone bathed that kid in Purell afterwards.

They're at some charity soccer game that Doherty played in.

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Yay, Nightmares!

I don't care who you are, Carrot Top is freaking creepy looking. He's like a red smurf on steroids. Ew.

This picture is from the Country Music Awards. Why the crap he went, I have no clue.

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It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding...

You know it's a slow GD weekend when all there is to talk about is the wedding of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentzy. Yeah, that was a typo but I'm leaving it. It amuses me.

According to OK Magazine: Around noon on Saturday, the groom arrived via limo at the Encinco, Calif., home of Ashlee's dad Joe Simpson, who also officiated over the non-denominational ceremony under white tents.Big sis Jess, who arrived with on-off beau Tony Romo before noon in the Employee of the Month star's Range Rover, was maid of honor. According to reports, Pete's bulldog Hemingway served as ring-bearer.

Poor Tony. Papa Joe must've paid his ass.

Also according to OK: One wedding VIP who definitely won't be boozing it up tonight is the bride, who sources tell OK! finally revealed her pregnancy to everyone at the reception. Weeks ago, OK! was the first to report that the couple were expecting a baby — a story that both Ashlee and Pete danced around on talk shows and in interviews.

Yeah who cares. Pete is in for hell. According to Nick Lachey, Papa Joe is the reason his marriage to Chestica bombed. He also ruined her relationship with Tony Romo. Bet Pete's glad he jumped on this bandwagon.

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Celebrities Have Always Been Insane.

So there's a new book coming out that supposedly has a bunch of full-frontal nudie pictures of some big names such as: Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, Richard Gere, John Malcovich, Sean Connery, and Johnny Depp who is known as "donkey dick." Ew. Sounds horrid. The book is called Hollywood Babylon: It's Back and it's due to come out June 1st.

Besides celebrity pee-pee, there are some rather interesting stories. For example:

Marilyn Monroe had an affair with Ronald Reagan

Marilyn had a fling with Joan Crawford, but ended it. Marilyn told Shelley Winters, "She had bad breath. Besides, she wanted to do things to me that no woman should do to another woman."

James Dean showed a disconcerting interest in a 12-year-old boy. Elia Kazan, "I've known many actors who have been twisted up in their sex lives, but never anybody as sick and unhealthy as Dean was."

Elvis Presley got it on with Nick Adam

Lucille Ball was a hooker before she was famous. Desi Arnaz had a fling with Cesar Romero.

Cary Grant had an incestuous relationship with his stepson

Strange things happened to Judy Garland's dead body (this in the chapter on "Fan Worship and Necrophilia").

It's not exactly going out on a limb to say that Hollywood has been full of freaks for a long ass time. But considering most the people the author is talking about are dead, I'm sure there wasn't a whole lot of fact checking for this little book. But hey, I'm all for shitty rumors, so I might give it a read!

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Happy Birthday Trent!

Yeah I'm slackin.' I nearly forgot it was Trenty Reznor's 42nd birthday today. Many happy birthday tidings of angsty angstness, Sir Trent!

Photo can be found at the official NIN flickr site thingy.

More Boobs!

Because I want to make up for the horrible mental image of a naked sex-having Britney Spears, I posted Claudia Shiffer doing booby things in German Vogue.

Wanna see more boobies? Click here. I don't think they're naked boobies though. But anything's better than naked Britney Spears in a hot pink wig, right? Right.

Ewwwww! Ew Ew Ew Ew!!!!

The National Enquirer is claiming there's a sex tape about to be released featuring Britney Spears and Adnan Gablibwhateverhisnameis. EW!

"Word is that the video starts with Britney undressing," said the insider. "She was wearing some cheap clothes that she bought down there in Rosarito. The sex wasn't particularly kinky but Britney wears a pink wig throughout. At one point in the tape Adnan asks the singer to remove the pink bob but she refused. "Adnan tells her to take it off at one point and she says coyly, 'Take what off? There's nothing left to take off.'"

Hey I know I stood up for her a few weeks ago, but it doesn't mean I wanna see her have nasty fat Frappicino-lubed sex with some dude. Just, ew. This to go with the rumor that she is now knocked up with this dude's child. Can't anybody in this family figure out how a condom works?

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