Ooops.

The FCC is going to have a field day. Dude dropped the F-Bomb on live tv on MSNBC the other morning. Way to go, guy!

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Where'd the Beehive Go??

Yes I know its been a while for me. I have this little magic thing called "a job" that I must attend to so I can feed myself and my kid. Somewhere KFed is like "What the fuck is she talking about?" Sorry dude, I can't just marry rich and live off my divorce. Some people have to earn a living!

Anywho, on with the show. It appears Amy Winehouse has finally abused her hair enough that its skipped town and joined witness protection. I also have to admit though, the new 'do isn't bad. Definately an improvement.

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Random Acts of Crap

Clay Aiken is gay. Yes, today I am playing Captain Obvious. - Picture: IDLYTW Story: Reuters

Still more Girls Next Door drama. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan and her father are still fighting and hating each other. - The Superficial

John McCain lied to David Letterman, and Letterman totally pwns him on his show. - DListed

David Blaine's finale of fakery. - IDLYITW

Lezzy Lohan and Sam Ronson Come Out on 'Loveline'

Hey I could think of worse ways to do it. From my source:

"Loveline" is pretty much unlistenable ever since Adam Carolla left, but something pretty good did happen Sunday night, when the host Stryker did a phone interview with Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan about Travis Barker and DJ AM. As things wrapped up, Stryker asked Lindsay, "Now, you guys, you and Samantha have been going out for how long now? Like two years? One year? Five months? Two months?" And Lindsay answered, “A long time, a very long time."

Click on the video above for audio.

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Hugh Hefner Says there's a "Transition" Happening with Holly Madison

Translation: She is quite possibly doing Criss Angel even though that rumor got shot down a while ago. Meh.

From Us Magazine:

"She is still my girlfriend," he tells Usmagazine.com in a new interview. "Now will that last? I don’t think anything lasts forever.
"I love her very much, but you know, she wants very much to get married and have children. That isn’t very much in the cards for me," he adds. "So there has to be a certain reality there. And I’m sure the time will come when she’ll be dating others. That’s part of the transition."

Anywho. Apparently Holly and King of the Douchenozzles were spotted in Vegas together over the weekend, so perhaps this rumor has some weight after all. Once again, Hef to Criss Angel = DOWNGRADE. Sorry, Holly.

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Random Acts of Crap

Jenna Jameson confirms she's having twins on her MySpace blog. Of course she's having twins. I'm just surprised its only two babies. God knows that vagina could fit a whole herd a kids up there. She could outdo Brangelina with one sneeze. - IDLYITW

David Blaine is still full of shit. - MollyGood

Amy Winehouse's husband would rather stay in jail than stay at his mother's or go to rehab. Color me shocked. - DListed

Breastfeeding pictures might be out somewhere of Jamie Lynn Spears feeding her baby. Because she's underage, this might get some Walmart employees in very deep poop. - IDLYITW

Dane Cook is appealing his eviction from his apartment because he has a right to live there. Why, you ask? Because the building that he lives in, John Belushi and Steve Martin once lived there. Don't ask me how this makes sense legally, but I'm sure he'll make it work. - DListed

Travis Barker and DJ AM Only Survivors of a Plane Crash

Travis Barker, former drummer for the band Blink 182 and DJ AM are in critical condition at a hospital after surviving a plane crash in South Carolina. They were the only survivors. The two pilots, Travis' assistant Chris Baker, and Travis' bodyguard Charles Still did not survive.

From Yahoo News:

Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker and celebrity disc jockey DJ AM are expected to fully recover from burns they suffered in a fiery South Carolina jet crash that killed the other four people aboard, one of their doctors said Sunday. Dr. Fred Mullins, medical director of the Joseph M. Still Burn Center, said the two suffered second- and third-degree burns but had no other injuries from the crash that one witness described as a fireball shooting across a highway. "Anybody who can survive a plane crash is pretty lucky," Mullins told reporters during a news conference Sunday morning. Barker was burned on his torso and lower body and DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Goldstein, was burned on an arm and a portion of his scalp, according to a statement from the musicians' families released by the hospital. Mullins declined to discuss specific recovery times for the men, but said such injuries can take a year to fully heal. Both men are still in critical but stable condition, he said."

I heard Shanna flew in to be with Travis. My thoughts and prayers go out to the friends and family to everyone involved, especially to those who passed away. Hopefully Travis and DJ AM make a full recovery.

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Random Acts of Crap

Things that make you want to poke out your eardrums with a Q-Tip: Josh Groban butchering the hell out of your favorite TV show theme songs at the Emmys. Glad I missed that one. - DListed

Protestors outside the premiere of the play All my Sons which of course stars robot wife Katie-Kate Holmes. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Myley Cyrus is a spoiled brat. - DListed

George Michael got arrested outside another public bathroom. He had drugs on him. I'm just as shocked as you are. - The Superficial

Courtney Love is Such a Lady

Aw, how cute. Glad to see someone's keeping the crack dealers in L.A. employed.

Hey dumb bitch, you found your husband's ashes yet? Or did you mistake them for coke and snort them?

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Just a Little Laugh for a Boring Ass Thursday Afternoon

Video is of Madonna falling on her tired old vadge during a show. Its definately good for a laugh, but you gotta sit through about 50 seconds of her humping her amplifier and guitar whilst pretending to play said guitar. If you can get through that without vomiting, you can see the funny shit.

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Random Acts of Crap

Some guy didn't shave his beard until the new Metallica album came out. Ew. - Seriously OMG

Parisite Hilton works really really hard. At what, I don't know. - The Superficial

Another Brangelina break-up rumor. As if Dame Goddess would allow him to go anywhere without her permission. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Tom Cruise and his robot wife want us to know they are still in loooooove. Or something like that. - DListed

Michael Lohan compares his older daughter to Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie. About the only thing they have in common really is that Angie had a lezzy phase once too. - The Superficial

Criss Angel is Still a Douche

A rumor was rolling around that Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's #1 girlfriend had ditched him and the mansion and the Girls Next Door show to run away with Criss Angel. This rumor was bullshit, because Criss Angel has nowhere near enough money for Holly to be leaving Hef. Duh.

But, apparently, according to my source, the rumor was started by Criss' people. Because that's what douchey fake magician assholes do. I rest my case.

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Barack Obama NOT a Lezzy Fan.

So Lezzy Lohan took to her blog to bitch about Sarah Palin the other day and proclaiming her Obama love, but he's not really feeling it.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

However, a top source in the Barack Obama team tells me the actress ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''Given Lohan's past problems, plus ongoing brushes with controversy, I've learned the campaign quietly told the actress ''thanks, but no thanks,'' but in far more diplomatic terms.

Translation: "Shut the hell up, you dumb whore. Thank you."

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A Match Made in Crack Heaven

Now I see why Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil. He's just sooooooo charming.

Ugh. I'm off to scrub my eyeballs with a Brillo pad and Comet.

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Random Acts of Crap

Brooke Hogan tucks back her penis and wears a bikini. Good job, Brooke. You ALMOST pass. - The Superficial

Will Smith denies again that's he's a part of the $cientology cult. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan and Sam Ronson hate on Sarah Palin via Lezzy's MySpace blog. - The Superficial

Matthew McConaughey finished that triatholon an hour faster than JLo. Boy, she's gonna be pissed that people know that. - WWTDD

Eva Mendes has done the sexy in all 50 states. Alaska was not a good experience, incidentally. I blame Sarah Palin. - DListed

Mary Louise Parker's boobies on Weeds. - Egotastic

Reunited, and it feels so good. (Britney Spears at Starbucks.) - The Superficial

Barbara Walters Will Save the Black Folks!!!

whoopi slavery
by dollarsandsense123


Good God I know she's THE Barbara Walters, and she can get away with murder and all, but even she needs to put her foot in her stupid mouth on this one.

On her show The View, they had John McCain as a guest. They were discussing how if he wins, McCain would like to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn the power to decide on abortion over to the states and let them make that decision because he doesn't think its in the constitution or whatever. Whoopi Goldberg then asked if they were going strictly by the Constitution, would that mean she was gonna be a slave again? (Ha, I love her.) Anywho, Barbara Walters then stated "don't worry, us white folk will take care of you" to Whoopi and another African-American lady on the panel.

Oh hell. I had to watch the video to see if this was a joke, but apparently its not. Watch it, I'm telling you. Its horrid.

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Random Acts of Crap

George Takai (Mr. Sulu of Star Trek) and his partner of 21 years tie the knot. Congrats, guys! - The Superficial

Ashton Kutcher is a high school football coach. For some reason, this amuses me. - Socialite Life

Britney Spears' new album to be released December 2nd. - DListed

Jennifer Lopez competed in a triatholon. Everyone pay attention to her for a minute so she'll shut the eff up. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse is a no-show for her own birthday party. Her reason: she's too ugly to go out. She's just NOW noticing that she looks like a train wreck from hell??? - DListed

I Love Pam Anderson. Yes She's Crazy, But I'm in LOOOOOOVE!

Basically everyone who knows me in real life knows what I think of Sarah Palin, and it ain't pretty. Lets say I wouldn't invite the bitch over for cocktails.

In the past several days, many celebrities have had somewhat intelligent statements regarding the election and who they support. But my girl Pamela Anderson has made my day when she was asked to comment on McCain's armcandy/vice-presidential candidate.

From her lips to God's ears: "I can't stand her. She can suck it."

And to hear the words come from her lips:




I love you, Pam. Call me!

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How Does Hulk Hogan Know Who to Do?

Seriously, his daughter and his girlfriend are like twins. I can't tell the bitches apart. This is some creepy shit.

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Random Acts of Crap

Dannielynn turns two. Geez has it been THAT long??? - I'm Not Obsessed

Kanye West got arrested. I giggled. - DListed

Sir Paul McCartney to wed a third time? Someone needs to quickly show him a picture of the vulture ex-wife and set his ass straight. - Holy Moly

More Batman movie rumors. Since they are still merely rumors, I say "meh." - IDLYITW

Eva Longoria says she's not pregnant, just fat. Seriously, that's what she said. Sometimes these dumbasses do my job for me. - The Superficial

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson still singing country music and still sucking at it. - IDLYITW

In spite of his claims, P. Diddy Puff Daddy whateverhisnameis does not in fact, own his own private jet. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

In more Chestica Simpson news, apparently the fans are allowing her to go to Dallas Cowboy games to cheer on her bribed boyfriend Tony Romo on one condition - she not wear a Cowboy's jersey. Goodie. - The Superficial

Is Sam Ronson gonna make Lezzy Lohan an honest lesbian? - DListed

Pamela Anderson says she is absolutely NOT dating Michael Jackson. Thank God for small favors. - Holy Moly

Random Acts of Crap

Christina Aguileria and her boobs went to the VMA's. - The Superficial

Dr. House has a bald spot. Well, he's mostly bald, really. - Daily Mail

Minnie Driver gave birth to a son. I hope like hell the daddy isn't Criss Angel because God knows we don't need another do-rag wearing asshole running around faking building escapes. - The Superficial

Speaking of that douchebag, rumor has it that Holly got sick of waiting on Hugh Hefner to make an honest woman of her and has been cheating on his old ass with Criss Angel. Talk about a downgrade. - Celebitchy

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson plays the Grand Ole Opry. Country fans still thinks she sucks, and also now thinks she dresses slutty. Well, duh. Just because she changed genres doesn't mean she still isn't gonna air out the ol' funbags. - IDLYITW

How much are the Hulgan's worth? Who cares, they're still all orange freak douchebags. - In Case You Didn't Know

Here's a rundown of the VMA's last night, in case you didn't give a shit. Don't ask me what happened because I didn't actually read any of this. - IDLYITW

Russia hates South Park. Apparently they have no sense of humor. - MollyGood

Twins for Ashlee and Pete Wentzy? - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Photoshop meets Sarah Palin. Too bad, too. That'd be awesome. - The Superficial

Katherine Heigl frightens innocent puppies. Its true. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse requires 48 bottles of Jack Daniels to perform in a concert. That's just an appetizer. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lilly Allen explains her "feud" with Queen Elton. I still say he wins. - DListed

What in Plastic Surgery Hell???

I am assuming this is a rumor. It just has to be. I mean, Pammy Anderson doesn't exactly have the best taste in men, but since she's mother to two young boys, I don't see her dating a [possible] pedophile.

However, the Mirror UK is reporting that she and Michael Jackson have had some sort of secret creepy love affair thing going on. Ew. I'm going to have nightmares for a week for just typing that shit out.

The odd couple seem to have bonded over their love of plastic surgery and have been hooking up in Malibu. We hear the big-boobed babe is a massive fan of Michael... and it seems the feeling is mutual. A source said: "It was all arranged by their people in total secrecy, very cloak and dagger. Michael is such a private person. He gets nervous when he thinks people are following him around, so he chose somewhere neutral for their first date. "They arrived separately at the Shutters Hotel on Malibu Beach so no one would suspect anything and then had a few drinks in the bar." The pair requested a hidden area in the corner - for two reasons. Firstly, it shielded them from any prying eyes. And second, it would have protected them from the dangerous melting effects of the Californian sunshine. After all, there's a fine line between looking hot and having a runny, bubbling face. Our source went on: "They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off." So much so Michael plucked up the courage to ask Pammy out on a second date. And she was more than happy to accept. We're told: "They went for a coffee at Country Mart in Malibu and looked very comfortable with each other. "They chatted about Michael turning 50, his new album, their kids. And he seemed genuinely interested in Pamela."

I know that's a lot to quote. But I'm skeeved out, and couldn't be arsed to read it all myself. I'm going to go soak my brain in bleach now.

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Bitchfight!

And you know who won. The QUEEN bitch, Elton John of course. He's been Queen Bitch since before Lilly Allen snorted her first line.

Anywho, Queen B co-hosted the GQ Awards in London with Lilly Allen and he was getting fed up with her drunk ass.

Allen: “And now to the most important part of the night."
Elton: “What? Are you going to have another drink?”

Woo! And apparently she didn't much like his response there, because she had one of her own: “Fuck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!” Yeah, somehow I doubt he went home and cried into his massive piles of money over that one. To prove my point: “I could still snort you under the table.” Bah! Very true. He could probably snort HER. Seriously. Bitch had a bad habit back in the day. Allen: “Fuck off. I don't know what you are talking about.”

Riiiiiiight. I'm willing to bet my dad's Elton John collection you know exactly what he's talking about. And that's no joke. My dad would kill a bitch for messing with his Elton DVD's. I think he wants to be buried with them, I'm not sure.

Either way, Elton won.

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Random Acts of Crap

Harry Potter is not a virgin. Dumbledore would be so disappointed in him. - DListed

Jamie Lynn Spears sends baby gift to Bristol Palin. Quick! Someone tell John McCain! I'll bet he'll need his Depends changed. - The Superficial

Enzyte CEO gets 25 years for fraud. - AVN

Jason Priesley is one hairy bastard. - DListed

Parisite Hilton calls the paps "annoying." As in, "if they're not paying attention to me, they're annoying." - Pink is the New Blog

Christina Aguilera's boobs are still huge. - IDLYITW

Just a Recap

In case you forgot, Amy Winehouse defines the term "one hot mess." Here's a rundown!

She canceled a concert just hours before she was due onstage. Amy Winehouse is facing legal action after she pulled out of a concert in Paris just two hours before she was due to headline it. A statement posted on the festival website said organisers had decided to start legal proceedings against her because of the circumstances of her cancellation. “We have still not been given any explanation of the exact reasons for her absence.”

In the past year, she has OD'd twice. The singer, 24, suffered two major overdoses, with such bad convulsions that they were “like a scene from The Exorcist”. And her body is so frail from drug use that doctors were scared she would break bones during a fit.

And let's not forget, she may have brain damage.

Seriously, how much can one human body take? Or is that it? Is she not human? Because that's the only reason I can think of as to why she's not dead yet. Seriously, this zombie and Courtney Love must both be fucking aliens or something. Nobody can ingest this much heroin and still move among the living.

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Random Acts of Crap

This is Sarah Palin's future son-in-law. Says "I'm a fuckin' redneck" who likes hockey, shooting things, and not having kids. Awesome person to have associated with you when you're RUNNING FOR SECOND IN COMMAND of the fucking country. I'm voting democrat and this just cements it, nails down the coffin, and any other cliche you can fucking think of. - The Superficial

Colin Farrell saved a homeless guy. - Mollygood

Kevin Spacey sees a naked dude's ass across his lap, so what does he do? Why he grabs it of course. Hell no, he's not gay! - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Remember that random cocktail waitress that George Clooney dated? That chick that nobody knew who the fuck she was and had NO career until Clooney started doing her and basically GAVE her said career? She apparently cheated on George. Way to say 'thank you,' nameless cocktail waitress chick. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan and her dad the famewhore are still at it via MySpace and the media. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Axl Rose wants to fuck Kelly Osbourne. Ew. Poor Kelly. - HolyMoly

Chestica Simpson is still epically failing at country music. - DListed

RIP Del Martin

These ladies got press for being the first lesbian couple to tie the knot in California on June 17th. The lady on the right is Del Martin, and she has passed away. She was 87.

Del and wife Phyllis were the first to form a lesbian rights group, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955.

Prayers and thoughts go out to Phyllis. Rest in peace, Del! At least they got to finally do what they should be allowed to do as a couple, and marry. Much love and thanks to her for all her hard work over her life.

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Random Acts of Crap

Michael Lohan yaps about daughter Lezzy Lohan being "used" by her girlfriend. - IDLYITW

The girlfriend, Sam Ronson, responds via her MySpace blog. Whoo, don't get lezzies pissed! They blog mean. - DListed

Katie-Kate Holmes has huge bruises on her knees. You know those didn't come from doing sexy things with her alien midget husband. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Suge Knight arrested for beating up his girlfriend. - The Superficial

Its Pax!

Geez I was starting to wonder if they locked this kid in a basement or something. I don't think we've seen him since they brought him home. He's a cutie though.

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Kay McConaughey Proves the Crazy is Genetic

Kay McConaughey, mother to Matthew and another one who named his kid Miller Lyte, proves her kids got the crazy the old fashioned way: genetics. She wrote a book called I Amaze Myself about her life, and let me tell ya, I think she shares smoke with her weirdo kids.

Excerpts:

Having sex with late hubby when he died: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing But it was just the best way to go!” And when the paramedics showed up, did she cover him up? Heck no. “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey — and his gift."

Ew. On birth of Matthew: “I was deciding, ‘Do I want to have another baby? Do I want to have an affair? Or go back to school? That’s when Matthew was conceived. We had tried for 16 years and no baby. So Matthew was a big surprise!”

That must've been a weird house to grow up in. Either that, or extremely cool. I haven't decided.

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Random Acts of Crap

A cabinet punched Kelly Osbourne in the face. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Britney Spears is not doing the VMA's this year. - The Superficial

Gas prices need to be brought under control. Not to make life easier on us poor people, but so Diddy can use his private jet again. Oh the humanity: Diddy is flying commercial. Do other passengers fit on the plane with his giant ego? Him and Kanye could never share a plane. - DListed

Why are less women going to church? Its all Buffy the Vampire Slayer's fault. Right. - HolyMoly

Kate Hudson and her hairdresser get sued. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of Crap

Promo shots for the new season of Desperate Housewives are out. Yes I am still watching this crappy show. I cannot help it. You know you watch it too. - DListed

Denise Richards stupid reality show gets the ax. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Jenna Jameson finally confirms she's knocked up. Also claims to be "devout Catholic." Stop laughing. - DListed

Charlie Sheen's new wife is already pregnant. - The Superficial

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale Welcome Second Son

We know Gwen was in hospital on Thursday due to have her baby by C-Section, but I was off Friday so this is late news.


People Magazine says: Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale was born at 12:46 p.m. and weighed 8 1/2 lbs. He joins the couple's other son Kingston, who turned 2 in May.

"Kingston, Gwen and Gavin Rossdale welcomed the newest member of their family," they say in a statement. "Mother, baby and family are all happy and healthy.

Yeah that's a completely normal name. Way to be, Gavin.

Anywho, congrats to them both. Glad mommy and son are doing well.

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Random Acts of Crap

Madonna kicks off her new tour with a vain attempt at controversy. The entire world yawns. - DListed

P Diddy gets pulled over, gets gun pulled on him. However, cops with guns were "really respectful." Awesome. - Mollygood

The Olympics are over. Does that mean we can go one day without hearing something about Michael Phelps now? - DListed

Minnie Driver is really really REALLY pregnant in a bikini. - IDLYITW

Michael Lohan challenges KFed to a boxing match. This could be awesome, no matter who wins. - TheSuperficial

Kim Kardashian cuts her toe. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson wants to sell you beer. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan sideboob. - IDLYITW

Lilly Allen is punching people. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Gwen Stefani is in the hospital for a scheduled C-Section today. FINALLY. I wondered if they were gonna wait until the kid was in middle school or something. - DListed

Amy Winehouse is NOT going to rehab. Because that is a good idea. - Celebitchy

I Am Without Words

This is definately a time when I am not in character.

I heard some very bad news this morning. One of my favorite bands in the world, a band I grew up on and whose music has been with me through everything in my life is Dave Matthews Band. These guys have immense talent, and I have the upmost respect for them.

Anyway, this morning I heard founding member and sax player Leroi Moore died unexpectedly yesterday. I am in shock.

From DMB's official website:

We are deeply saddened that LeRoi Moore, saxophonist and founding member of Dave Matthews Band, died unexpectedly Tuesday afternoon, August 19, 2008, at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center in Los Angeles from sudden complications stemming from his June ATV accident on his farm near Charlottesville, Virginia. LeRoi had recently returned to his Los Angeles home to begin an intensive physical rehabilitation program.

My thoughts and prayers are with the band, his family, and friends. He will be missed. His beautiful music will definately be missed as well.

My pictures also come from the website.



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More Weirdo Death Stuff

Today just must be the day for weird stuff happening with dead people. Earlier was somebody writing the most awesome tribute to their mother ever, and now this.

24-year old Angel Pantoja Medina of Puerto Rico was found dead under a bridge. The investigation is still going on as to what happened to him, but its still said. 24 is pretty young to die. But apparently he'd told his mother should he die, he'd like to have his funeral standing. Like, with HIM standing. Ick. So she did.

The funeral home said they had to use a special embalming process to make him stand. His brother said "He wanted to be happy, standing."

I dunno how happy he is. He is dead, after all.

I'm officially creeped out. Ew. If you care, there are more pictures of the wake in his mom's living room with him, standing up, at my source.

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The Most Awesome Obit Ever Written

Apparently someone didn't like their mother. This charming piece turned up in the Times-Herald Napa/Sonoma and has been pulled from the website. But the talent that is Michael K of DListed obtained the above image and pulled the text for the world's enjoyment.

In case you cannot read from the image:
Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.

She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

Wow. Just, wow. This woman must've royally pissed off the fam if they cannot even bring forth a kind word when she kicked the bucket. Day-um!

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Random Acts of Crap

What in the gay hell are Matt Lauer and Al Roker doing? Oh well, its amusing. - DListed

Michael Phelps is offically a god now. Worship as you see fit. - MichaelPhelpsFacts.com

For his giant ego that requires its own hotel room, Kanye West sure looks like a creepy old grandpa in a swimsuit. - DListed

Weigh in on Katherine Heigl: Fug or Fab? Yeah you don't have to guess what I vote for. - Go Fug Yourself

Random Acts of Crap

Roseanne Barr has balls of steel. She knows not the power of Maddox and his minons. - DListed

John Mayer talks to the paps about his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Madonna does her 50th birthday, fake husband in tow. - DListed

Ellen DeGeneres and girlfriend Portia De Rossi got married over the weekend. - IDLITW

Random Acts of Crap

Amy Winehouse is back, and slapping random people again. Nice to know she hasn't changed. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

DMX arrested for the 479th time. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan may not be lezzy anymore. Damn. That was fun. - WWTDD

Donald Trump is Ed Mahon's hero. - DListed

No more parties at Playboy Mansion. Holly must have something to do with this. - WWTDD

Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend/babydaddy says he never cheated. - The Superficial

Madonna Not Stealing or Adopting Anybody

Maddy's longtime mouthpiece, Liz Rosenberg gave a statement saying that Madonna was in Malawi recently on business, dealing with a charity and absolutely not adopting any kid. Which is basically what she said when Madge was not-adopting baby David two years ago. Seriously. Go see for yourself. It must suck being Liz Rosenberg. I'd hate lying my ass off for my boss all the damn time.

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Things Aren't Exactly Looking Up for the Angry Dwarf

Ha I made a short joke about Tom Cruise. Yeah I'm not very creative today.

Anywho, its not been his year. His bad Nazi movie wherein he plays a German guy who has no German accent at all whatsoever has been pushed off to Xenu knows when. He got his ass replaced by Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie in another movie. (I'm not even kidding here. Check my source!) And the studio does not want him to touch Mission: Impossible 4 after he wrecked the third movie with his stupidity.

Now longtime partner Paula Wagner has hit the road. From her statement to the Washington Post: "I’ve truly relished working with my longtime partner Tom Cruise to revitalize United Artists, and I am proud of all that we’ve accomplished in the past two years, reinvigorating the brand and developing such a strong slate of films." Yeah yeah what she really meant was "I just couldn't stand the crazy anymore. YOU try dealing with his crap!"

Meh. I'll bet we hear his whiney bitchfit from all over the globe. You know short people can really throw a tantrum.

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Madonna Wants to Adopt Again

Nevermind the fact that she couldn't find a real orphan this time either. She's apparently hung up on getting a certain little girl, but the girl's grandmother is saying no. Madonna's adoption agency is trying to force the grandma into it anyway. Must be nice to have more money than God and you can do things like this to poor people.

According to The Sun: The friend said Madge “fell in love” with Mercy when they met at her orphanage last year. However, the girl’s gran Lucy Chekechiwa, 60, said she has been asked repeatedly by officials if Mercy could be adopted by an “unidentified foreign family” — but was firmly against it.
Speaking from her village in Zomba District, Lucy said: “We know that it is Mercy who Madonna really wants. We heard it is because my granddaughter is such a beautiful, happy child. Twice I have told the adoption people that I do not want Mercy to go outside the country. But they keep on at us. Now they say that Mercy will be leaving us, but can return at age 18. Yet I might not be alive then.”

I'm never going to England. Because if this bitch saw my kid and decided she liked him, I'd probably be fucked. Oh wait, my kid is white, and its not trendy to adopt poor WHITE kids. We're safe!

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Random Acts of Crap

Britney Spears's first interview in 2 years. - DListed

America's Next Top Model to feature a transvestite contestant. So no, its not Tyra. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Dane Cook hates his new movie poster. Whiney asshole should stick to stand-up. - DListed

Jennifer Aniston is single again. Apparently John Mayer got tired of talking about Angelina Jolie and couldn't get past her shrine dedicated to Maddox. - WWTDD

Billy Bob Thornton is the new Freddy Krueger. It almost makes sense. - DListed

Holy Hell...

That guy is Shelley Malil, mostly known for playing Haziz in the movie 40-Year Old Virgin. He has been arrested for breaking into his ex-girlfriend's home and stabbing her about 20 times. Holy mother of shit, apparently he's insane.

From Fox News: On Sunday night about 15 miles east in San Marcos, deputies answering reports of screams for help and breaking glass found a woman with multiple stab wounds and cuts on her face, with no suspect at the scene. She was taken to the hospital and was in critical condition Monday morning. Authorities did not know her condition early Tuesday. "Malil and the victim had apparently been in a dating relationship which recently ended," the statement said. Malil was arrested for investigation of attempted murder, mayhem and burglary and booked into the county's Vista Detention Center, the statement said. A deputy on duty early Tuesday did not know the name of Malil's lawyer and attempts to identify and reach him for comment were unsuccessful."

Wow. Just, wow. All I can say is I hope he doesn't get the same judge that Shia Ladouche or Queen Nicky got. Otherwise they'll slap him with a fine, pat him on the back, and send him on his way. This dude is completely off his shit.

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Gwen Stefani Looks Painful

Seriously I can remember being that pregnant, and the fact that she isn't insane and ripping that dude's face off with her teeth is amazing. Its probably the most uncomfortable thing in the world and you're ready to sell your own mother to slavery to get the kid out. No joke.

Anywho. What?

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Isaac Hayes Dies at 65

I'm officially depressed. First Bernie Mac and now Isaac Hayes??? I cannot take it.

Oh yeah, if you're at work, maybe don't play that video. Unless you're a fan of chocolate salty balls and need the recipe.

Yes, I know he did Shaft first, but Chef is just near and dear to my heart. Live with it.

Anywho, back to seriousness. Nobody knows what happened yet.

Hayes was pronounced dead at Baptist East Hospital in Memphis an hour after he was found by a family member, the Shelby County Sheriff's Office said. The cause of death was not immediately known.With his muscular build, shiny head and sunglasses, Hayes cut a striking figure at a time when most of his contemporaries were sporting Afros. His music, which came to be known as urban-contemporary, paved the way for disco as well as romantic crooners like Barry White.

I heard somewhere his wife found him collapsed next to a treadmill in the couple's home and dialed 911.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

Back to the funny: Has someone taken Samuel L. Jackson to a safehouse yet? Because he's the only survivor from that movie Soul Men left and I could not bear a third death this week.

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Because he deserves it:

Random Acts of Crap

Lynne Spears parenting book due out next week. Parents everywhere laugh. - DListed

George Clooney narrowly escapes crazed fat lady. - A Socialite's Life

Everybody wants The Goddess. I coulda told you that. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Tom Cruise wants "big hands." I don't even want to think about what he'd use them for. - DListed

Jenna Jameson gets naked for PETA. 'Cause you know, not enough people have seen her naked already. - The Superficial

R.I.P Bernie Mac

Bernie Mac passed away this morning from complications from pneumonia. He was only 50.

From his rep: "[He] passed away this morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital. No other details are available at this time. We ask that his family's privacy continues to be respected."

I'd heard he was in hospital due to pneumonia, but I'd also heard he was okay and was gonna be released soon. This is a shock. He was one of my favorite comedians and actors and he will be missed.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family. He leaves behind a wife and child.

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Random Acts of Crap

Kevin Smith vs. the MPAA. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Quentin Tarantino might have lost his mind. - The Superficial

The feds really really REALLY want to talk to Mary-Kate Olsen. - DListed

Jenna Jameson might be pregnant. Ew. - WWTDD

Luke Perry guest-stars on Law & Order: SVU. - DListed

Mary-Kate Olsen Wants Immunity

Generally, a person only asks for immunity if they are guilty of something. Well, Mary-Kate Olsen apparently will not cooperate with federal investigators regarding Heath Ledger's death unless she is given immunity. The fuck?

The actress' lawyer has repeatedly rebuffed attempts by the feds to question Olsen, who was the first person called after her masseuse discovered Ledger's body in his SoHo apartment in January.Frustrated federal officials could obtain a grand-jury subpoena to compel the funky "Full House" actress to tell them whatever she knows about the "Dark Knight" star's behavior, his possible drug use and the events of that fateful morning, according to sources.
Probers have interviewed everyone connected to Ledger and his death, including his doctors, the masseuse, bodyguards, housekeepers, business associates and even the mother of his 2-year-old daughter, Matilda, his "Brokeback Mountain" co-star Michelle Williams.
"Ms. Williams was extremely nice and cooperative," a source said.

Yeah well I don't think MK is the "nice and cooperative" type. We already know that its a big ol' no-no to ask the little troll about Heath. This does not surprise me. However, I'm curious to know what Michelle Williams had to say about her...

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Random Acts of [Afternoon] Crap

Insanity at a Rage Against the Machine concert. Too bad I missed that! I always enjoy getting my ass kicked at a show I paid money for. - IDLYITW

Morgan Freeman is hospitalized after serious car accident in Mississippi. Hope he is all right! (And no, I'm not being sarcastic here.) - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Kathy Hilton is pissed at McCain for the ad where he used Parisite to attack Obama. That'll teach the cow for giving him money. - The Superficial

Snoop Dogg's tour bus busted for pot. Color me shocked. - Hollywood Rag

Goddess and the Slave Unveil the Twins

In a giant multi-millon dollar deal, Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie and her slave are on the covers of both People and Hello magazines. The money the mags paid them goes straight to the charity they set up for children around the world.

That being said, why the hell did they put Shiloh on People??? You know Maddox deserved that shit. He runs that house. Meh. He probably gave his permission.

Anywho, I'm not feeling very snarky or creative today. Cute babies.

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