Random Acts of Crap

Remember that random cocktail waitress that George Clooney dated? That chick that nobody knew who the fuck she was and had NO career until Clooney started doing her and basically GAVE her said career? She apparently cheated on George. Way to say 'thank you,' nameless cocktail waitress chick. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan and her dad the famewhore are still at it via MySpace and the media. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Axl Rose wants to fuck Kelly Osbourne. Ew. Poor Kelly. - HolyMoly

Chestica Simpson is still epically failing at country music. - DListed

RIP Del Martin

These ladies got press for being the first lesbian couple to tie the knot in California on June 17th. The lady on the right is Del Martin, and she has passed away. She was 87.

Del and wife Phyllis were the first to form a lesbian rights group, Daughters of Bilitis, in 1955.

Prayers and thoughts go out to Phyllis. Rest in peace, Del! At least they got to finally do what they should be allowed to do as a couple, and marry. Much love and thanks to her for all her hard work over her life.

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Random Acts of Crap

Michael Lohan yaps about daughter Lezzy Lohan being "used" by her girlfriend. - IDLYITW

The girlfriend, Sam Ronson, responds via her MySpace blog. Whoo, don't get lezzies pissed! They blog mean. - DListed

Katie-Kate Holmes has huge bruises on her knees. You know those didn't come from doing sexy things with her alien midget husband. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Suge Knight arrested for beating up his girlfriend. - The Superficial

Its Pax!

Geez I was starting to wonder if they locked this kid in a basement or something. I don't think we've seen him since they brought him home. He's a cutie though.

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Kay McConaughey Proves the Crazy is Genetic

Kay McConaughey, mother to Matthew and another one who named his kid Miller Lyte, proves her kids got the crazy the old fashioned way: genetics. She wrote a book called I Amaze Myself about her life, and let me tell ya, I think she shares smoke with her weirdo kids.

Excerpts:

Having sex with late hubby when he died: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing But it was just the best way to go!” And when the paramedics showed up, did she cover him up? Heck no. “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey — and his gift."

Ew. On birth of Matthew: “I was deciding, ‘Do I want to have another baby? Do I want to have an affair? Or go back to school? That’s when Matthew was conceived. We had tried for 16 years and no baby. So Matthew was a big surprise!”

That must've been a weird house to grow up in. Either that, or extremely cool. I haven't decided.

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Random Acts of Crap

A cabinet punched Kelly Osbourne in the face. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Britney Spears is not doing the VMA's this year. - The Superficial

Gas prices need to be brought under control. Not to make life easier on us poor people, but so Diddy can use his private jet again. Oh the humanity: Diddy is flying commercial. Do other passengers fit on the plane with his giant ego? Him and Kanye could never share a plane. - DListed

Why are less women going to church? Its all Buffy the Vampire Slayer's fault. Right. - HolyMoly

Kate Hudson and her hairdresser get sued. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of Crap

Promo shots for the new season of Desperate Housewives are out. Yes I am still watching this crappy show. I cannot help it. You know you watch it too. - DListed

Denise Richards stupid reality show gets the ax. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Jenna Jameson finally confirms she's knocked up. Also claims to be "devout Catholic." Stop laughing. - DListed

Charlie Sheen's new wife is already pregnant. - The Superficial

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale Welcome Second Son

We know Gwen was in hospital on Thursday due to have her baby by C-Section, but I was off Friday so this is late news.


People Magazine says: Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale was born at 12:46 p.m. and weighed 8 1/2 lbs. He joins the couple's other son Kingston, who turned 2 in May.

"Kingston, Gwen and Gavin Rossdale welcomed the newest member of their family," they say in a statement. "Mother, baby and family are all happy and healthy.

Yeah that's a completely normal name. Way to be, Gavin.

Anywho, congrats to them both. Glad mommy and son are doing well.

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Random Acts of Crap

Madonna kicks off her new tour with a vain attempt at controversy. The entire world yawns. - DListed

P Diddy gets pulled over, gets gun pulled on him. However, cops with guns were "really respectful." Awesome. - Mollygood

The Olympics are over. Does that mean we can go one day without hearing something about Michael Phelps now? - DListed

Minnie Driver is really really REALLY pregnant in a bikini. - IDLYITW

Michael Lohan challenges KFed to a boxing match. This could be awesome, no matter who wins. - TheSuperficial

Kim Kardashian cuts her toe. - IDLYITW

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson wants to sell you beer. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan sideboob. - IDLYITW

Lilly Allen is punching people. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Gwen Stefani is in the hospital for a scheduled C-Section today. FINALLY. I wondered if they were gonna wait until the kid was in middle school or something. - DListed

Amy Winehouse is NOT going to rehab. Because that is a good idea. - Celebitchy

I Am Without Words

This is definately a time when I am not in character.

I heard some very bad news this morning. One of my favorite bands in the world, a band I grew up on and whose music has been with me through everything in my life is Dave Matthews Band. These guys have immense talent, and I have the upmost respect for them.

Anyway, this morning I heard founding member and sax player Leroi Moore died unexpectedly yesterday. I am in shock.

From DMB's official website:

We are deeply saddened that LeRoi Moore, saxophonist and founding member of Dave Matthews Band, died unexpectedly Tuesday afternoon, August 19, 2008, at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center in Los Angeles from sudden complications stemming from his June ATV accident on his farm near Charlottesville, Virginia. LeRoi had recently returned to his Los Angeles home to begin an intensive physical rehabilitation program.

My thoughts and prayers are with the band, his family, and friends. He will be missed. His beautiful music will definately be missed as well.

My pictures also come from the website.



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More Weirdo Death Stuff

Today just must be the day for weird stuff happening with dead people. Earlier was somebody writing the most awesome tribute to their mother ever, and now this.

24-year old Angel Pantoja Medina of Puerto Rico was found dead under a bridge. The investigation is still going on as to what happened to him, but its still said. 24 is pretty young to die. But apparently he'd told his mother should he die, he'd like to have his funeral standing. Like, with HIM standing. Ick. So she did.

The funeral home said they had to use a special embalming process to make him stand. His brother said "He wanted to be happy, standing."

I dunno how happy he is. He is dead, after all.

I'm officially creeped out. Ew. If you care, there are more pictures of the wake in his mom's living room with him, standing up, at my source.

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The Most Awesome Obit Ever Written

Apparently someone didn't like their mother. This charming piece turned up in the Times-Herald Napa/Sonoma and has been pulled from the website. But the talent that is Michael K of DListed obtained the above image and pulled the text for the world's enjoyment.

In case you cannot read from the image:
Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.

She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

Wow. Just, wow. This woman must've royally pissed off the fam if they cannot even bring forth a kind word when she kicked the bucket. Day-um!

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Random Acts of Crap

What in the gay hell are Matt Lauer and Al Roker doing? Oh well, its amusing. - DListed

Michael Phelps is offically a god now. Worship as you see fit. - MichaelPhelpsFacts.com

For his giant ego that requires its own hotel room, Kanye West sure looks like a creepy old grandpa in a swimsuit. - DListed

Weigh in on Katherine Heigl: Fug or Fab? Yeah you don't have to guess what I vote for. - Go Fug Yourself

Random Acts of Crap

Roseanne Barr has balls of steel. She knows not the power of Maddox and his minons. - DListed

John Mayer talks to the paps about his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Madonna does her 50th birthday, fake husband in tow. - DListed

Ellen DeGeneres and girlfriend Portia De Rossi got married over the weekend. - IDLITW

Random Acts of Crap

Amy Winehouse is back, and slapping random people again. Nice to know she hasn't changed. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

DMX arrested for the 479th time. - The Superficial

Lezzy Lohan may not be lezzy anymore. Damn. That was fun. - WWTDD

Donald Trump is Ed Mahon's hero. - DListed

No more parties at Playboy Mansion. Holly must have something to do with this. - WWTDD

Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend/babydaddy says he never cheated. - The Superficial

Madonna Not Stealing or Adopting Anybody

Maddy's longtime mouthpiece, Liz Rosenberg gave a statement saying that Madonna was in Malawi recently on business, dealing with a charity and absolutely not adopting any kid. Which is basically what she said when Madge was not-adopting baby David two years ago. Seriously. Go see for yourself. It must suck being Liz Rosenberg. I'd hate lying my ass off for my boss all the damn time.

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Things Aren't Exactly Looking Up for the Angry Dwarf

Ha I made a short joke about Tom Cruise. Yeah I'm not very creative today.

Anywho, its not been his year. His bad Nazi movie wherein he plays a German guy who has no German accent at all whatsoever has been pushed off to Xenu knows when. He got his ass replaced by Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie in another movie. (I'm not even kidding here. Check my source!) And the studio does not want him to touch Mission: Impossible 4 after he wrecked the third movie with his stupidity.

Now longtime partner Paula Wagner has hit the road. From her statement to the Washington Post: "I’ve truly relished working with my longtime partner Tom Cruise to revitalize United Artists, and I am proud of all that we’ve accomplished in the past two years, reinvigorating the brand and developing such a strong slate of films." Yeah yeah what she really meant was "I just couldn't stand the crazy anymore. YOU try dealing with his crap!"

Meh. I'll bet we hear his whiney bitchfit from all over the globe. You know short people can really throw a tantrum.

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Madonna Wants to Adopt Again

Nevermind the fact that she couldn't find a real orphan this time either. She's apparently hung up on getting a certain little girl, but the girl's grandmother is saying no. Madonna's adoption agency is trying to force the grandma into it anyway. Must be nice to have more money than God and you can do things like this to poor people.

According to The Sun: The friend said Madge “fell in love” with Mercy when they met at her orphanage last year. However, the girl’s gran Lucy Chekechiwa, 60, said she has been asked repeatedly by officials if Mercy could be adopted by an “unidentified foreign family” — but was firmly against it.
Speaking from her village in Zomba District, Lucy said: “We know that it is Mercy who Madonna really wants. We heard it is because my granddaughter is such a beautiful, happy child. Twice I have told the adoption people that I do not want Mercy to go outside the country. But they keep on at us. Now they say that Mercy will be leaving us, but can return at age 18. Yet I might not be alive then.”

I'm never going to England. Because if this bitch saw my kid and decided she liked him, I'd probably be fucked. Oh wait, my kid is white, and its not trendy to adopt poor WHITE kids. We're safe!

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Random Acts of Crap

Britney Spears's first interview in 2 years. - DListed

America's Next Top Model to feature a transvestite contestant. So no, its not Tyra. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Dane Cook hates his new movie poster. Whiney asshole should stick to stand-up. - DListed

Jennifer Aniston is single again. Apparently John Mayer got tired of talking about Angelina Jolie and couldn't get past her shrine dedicated to Maddox. - WWTDD

Billy Bob Thornton is the new Freddy Krueger. It almost makes sense. - DListed

Holy Hell...

That guy is Shelley Malil, mostly known for playing Haziz in the movie 40-Year Old Virgin. He has been arrested for breaking into his ex-girlfriend's home and stabbing her about 20 times. Holy mother of shit, apparently he's insane.

From Fox News: On Sunday night about 15 miles east in San Marcos, deputies answering reports of screams for help and breaking glass found a woman with multiple stab wounds and cuts on her face, with no suspect at the scene. She was taken to the hospital and was in critical condition Monday morning. Authorities did not know her condition early Tuesday. "Malil and the victim had apparently been in a dating relationship which recently ended," the statement said. Malil was arrested for investigation of attempted murder, mayhem and burglary and booked into the county's Vista Detention Center, the statement said. A deputy on duty early Tuesday did not know the name of Malil's lawyer and attempts to identify and reach him for comment were unsuccessful."

Wow. Just, wow. All I can say is I hope he doesn't get the same judge that Shia Ladouche or Queen Nicky got. Otherwise they'll slap him with a fine, pat him on the back, and send him on his way. This dude is completely off his shit.

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Gwen Stefani Looks Painful

Seriously I can remember being that pregnant, and the fact that she isn't insane and ripping that dude's face off with her teeth is amazing. Its probably the most uncomfortable thing in the world and you're ready to sell your own mother to slavery to get the kid out. No joke.

Anywho. What?

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Isaac Hayes Dies at 65

I'm officially depressed. First Bernie Mac and now Isaac Hayes??? I cannot take it.

Oh yeah, if you're at work, maybe don't play that video. Unless you're a fan of chocolate salty balls and need the recipe.

Yes, I know he did Shaft first, but Chef is just near and dear to my heart. Live with it.

Anywho, back to seriousness. Nobody knows what happened yet.

Hayes was pronounced dead at Baptist East Hospital in Memphis an hour after he was found by a family member, the Shelby County Sheriff's Office said. The cause of death was not immediately known.With his muscular build, shiny head and sunglasses, Hayes cut a striking figure at a time when most of his contemporaries were sporting Afros. His music, which came to be known as urban-contemporary, paved the way for disco as well as romantic crooners like Barry White.

I heard somewhere his wife found him collapsed next to a treadmill in the couple's home and dialed 911.

My thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

Back to the funny: Has someone taken Samuel L. Jackson to a safehouse yet? Because he's the only survivor from that movie Soul Men left and I could not bear a third death this week.

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Because he deserves it:

Random Acts of Crap

Lynne Spears parenting book due out next week. Parents everywhere laugh. - DListed

George Clooney narrowly escapes crazed fat lady. - A Socialite's Life

Everybody wants The Goddess. I coulda told you that. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Tom Cruise wants "big hands." I don't even want to think about what he'd use them for. - DListed

Jenna Jameson gets naked for PETA. 'Cause you know, not enough people have seen her naked already. - The Superficial

R.I.P Bernie Mac

Bernie Mac passed away this morning from complications from pneumonia. He was only 50.

From his rep: "[He] passed away this morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital. No other details are available at this time. We ask that his family's privacy continues to be respected."

I'd heard he was in hospital due to pneumonia, but I'd also heard he was okay and was gonna be released soon. This is a shock. He was one of my favorite comedians and actors and he will be missed.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family. He leaves behind a wife and child.

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Random Acts of Crap

Kevin Smith vs. the MPAA. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Quentin Tarantino might have lost his mind. - The Superficial

The feds really really REALLY want to talk to Mary-Kate Olsen. - DListed

Jenna Jameson might be pregnant. Ew. - WWTDD

Luke Perry guest-stars on Law & Order: SVU. - DListed

Mary-Kate Olsen Wants Immunity

Generally, a person only asks for immunity if they are guilty of something. Well, Mary-Kate Olsen apparently will not cooperate with federal investigators regarding Heath Ledger's death unless she is given immunity. The fuck?

The actress' lawyer has repeatedly rebuffed attempts by the feds to question Olsen, who was the first person called after her masseuse discovered Ledger's body in his SoHo apartment in January.Frustrated federal officials could obtain a grand-jury subpoena to compel the funky "Full House" actress to tell them whatever she knows about the "Dark Knight" star's behavior, his possible drug use and the events of that fateful morning, according to sources.
Probers have interviewed everyone connected to Ledger and his death, including his doctors, the masseuse, bodyguards, housekeepers, business associates and even the mother of his 2-year-old daughter, Matilda, his "Brokeback Mountain" co-star Michelle Williams.
"Ms. Williams was extremely nice and cooperative," a source said.

Yeah well I don't think MK is the "nice and cooperative" type. We already know that its a big ol' no-no to ask the little troll about Heath. This does not surprise me. However, I'm curious to know what Michelle Williams had to say about her...

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Random Acts of [Afternoon] Crap

Insanity at a Rage Against the Machine concert. Too bad I missed that! I always enjoy getting my ass kicked at a show I paid money for. - IDLYITW

Morgan Freeman is hospitalized after serious car accident in Mississippi. Hope he is all right! (And no, I'm not being sarcastic here.) - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Kathy Hilton is pissed at McCain for the ad where he used Parisite to attack Obama. That'll teach the cow for giving him money. - The Superficial

Snoop Dogg's tour bus busted for pot. Color me shocked. - Hollywood Rag

Goddess and the Slave Unveil the Twins

In a giant multi-millon dollar deal, Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie and her slave are on the covers of both People and Hello magazines. The money the mags paid them goes straight to the charity they set up for children around the world.

That being said, why the hell did they put Shiloh on People??? You know Maddox deserved that shit. He runs that house. Meh. He probably gave his permission.

Anywho, I'm not feeling very snarky or creative today. Cute babies.

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Random Acts of Crap

Madonna still looks like a zombie. - DListed

Lezzy Lohan's lezziness is why the paps are easier to deal with, according to this LAPD Cheif. - IDLYITW

Still more hacked cameraphone pictures of Miley Cyrus trying to be a whore. Did you click the link? Perv. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Kate Hudson back with ex-husband. - The Superficial

Both Amy Winehouse's parents are complete fucking idiots. - WWTDD