Random Acts of Crap

The reunion to end all reunions! - DListed

Jessica Alba gives birth - WWTDD

Burger King saved Robert Downey Jr. Nothing like giving credit where credit's due - DListed

Yet another condition of Tony Romo's contract with Papa Joe Simpson - I'm Not Obsessed

Someone hit Rupert Everett in the face with a brick already. Bitch won't shut the hell up - DListed

Simpson-Wentzy Shiz

Just want to get this news out of the way in one post since these freaks are related.

Pete Wentzy confirmed on his bassist's website that he and Ashlee are expecting. Duh.

"While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family."

Whatever. That poor kid is screwed already.

In other Simpson family stupidity, apparently Chestica and Tony Romo are really still together. Tony just has one big stipulation: that Papa Joe mind his own damn business.

A source tells The Chicago Sun-Times: "'He did agree to go to Ashlee's wedding -- keeping his promise to Jessica. But he made it super-clear that if they were to give it another go, her dad had to seriously back off.''

Apparently someone didn't read the contract he signed allowing him to get with the favorite Simpson daughter - Papa Joe can do whatever the hell he wants.

Hey Tony - don't look in the closet next time you and Boobs are doing the nasty. You know Papa Joe totally sits in there with a tissue and bottle of baby oil. I'm just saying!

Source and Source

It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding...

You know it's a slow GD weekend when all there is to talk about is the wedding of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentzy. Yeah, that was a typo but I'm leaving it. It amuses me.

According to OK Magazine: Around noon on Saturday, the groom arrived via limo at the Encinco, Calif., home of Ashlee's dad Joe Simpson, who also officiated over the non-denominational ceremony under white tents.Big sis Jess, who arrived with on-off beau Tony Romo before noon in the Employee of the Month star's Range Rover, was maid of honor. According to reports, Pete's bulldog Hemingway served as ring-bearer.

Poor Tony. Papa Joe must've paid his ass.

Also according to OK: One wedding VIP who definitely won't be boozing it up tonight is the bride, who sources tell OK! finally revealed her pregnancy to everyone at the reception. Weeks ago, OK! was the first to report that the couple were expecting a baby — a story that both Ashlee and Pete danced around on talk shows and in interviews.

Yeah who cares. Pete is in for hell. According to Nick Lachey, Papa Joe is the reason his marriage to Chestica bombed. He also ruined her relationship with Tony Romo. Bet Pete's glad he jumped on this bandwagon.

Source, Source and Source

Color Me Shocked

So apparently Papa Joe is not only the king of creepy, but the king of ruining his daughter's relationship to football players. Rumor has it that when Papa Joe started "to offer unsolicited advice to Tony on his career, endorsement opportunities and things that have nothing to do with him dating Jessica" Tony decided to hit the road. It also didn't help that Chestica was blabbing about Tony being "her future husband" in a magazine interview. Apparently that was news to Tony.

However, sources are now claiming that Romo is still gonna propose, they're just in a "rough patch." Right. Says Fox News: Every couple has their problems; we're hoping that they'll have a break and work it all out," said the source. So while Romo's initial matrimonial plans seem to have been put on the back burner for the time being, the estranged duo are apparently still "talking." Calls to Simpson's rep were not returned. But what exactly are these "differences" that are causing chaos for the couple? For one, 28-year-old Romo reportedly still has a roommate and loves his freedom while Jess has already been married and divorced and has made it clear she wants to be a mom soon. "Jessica has made no secret of the fact she wants to get married, and with all the Ashlee wedding talk and Jess' dad's involvement, Tony was obviously feeling it," another source said. "I wouldn't be surprised if he just couldn't go through with the proposal and that's what's caused the break."

And by the "source" they mean Papa Joe considering he's been begging Romo to still go with Chestica to Ashlee's wedding this weekend.

Sad.

Source and Source

Papa Joe About to Cash In

Supposedly second-favorite-Simpson-daughter Ashlee and her fiance Pete Wentz are set to do the wedding thing on May 16th, which is next week.

According to Hollyscoop: A source close to the couple has told Hollyscoop exclusively, "The wedding invitations have been sent out, its taking place the weekend of May 16. The location will not be revealed until the day of the wedding but guests are told it will be an hour drive from Los Angeles."Our source also confirmed that Ashlee is 100% pregnant. Papa Joe is probably busy selling off the wedding info and pictures as we speak so expect to see it in the tabloids Memorial weekend.

Well of course he is. That's his fatherly duty. Sell off his daughter's happy day to the highest bidder. This is the same dumbass who put his favorite daughter's wedding on a reality tv show. And SHE was the favorite! Imagine what Ashlee's in for!

Source

Papa Joe Hasn't Learned His Lesson

Apparently Papa Joe Simpson missed out on the reason why his older [favorite] daughter's marriage went belly-up. That damn MTV reality show she and Nick did basically shit on that. But who cares, right? It's not your daughter's happiness that counts here. It's how much money they can make you! So in that spirit, he's been annoying MTV about making a second Newlyweds show starring Ashlee and Pete. Wow, he's even naming it the same? That's freaking retarded.

Says a source: “He knows that no one cared about Jessica before her reality show, and he’s hoping a show for Ashlee will have the same effect."

Yeah her new CD debuted at number 4 on the Billboards and I guess it's her first album not to debut at number one. Papa Joe apparently doesn't realize the obvious truth in this: nobody cares about his damn kids anymore. No reality show is going to change that.

Source

Papa Joe Simpson is Delusional

Apparently Papa Joe Perv has been shopping around to various magazines the exclusive rights to talk to daughter Ashlee about her pregnancy, and later the rights to the first pictures of the offspring. His asking price? One million dollars. The magazines were less than enthusiastic.

Page Six: The deal would include photos of Ashlee - taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money - an interview and photos of the baby when she has it," our source said. Sadly, there is some interest - but not for anything close to $1 million. One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch "$60,000 maybe - but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album ['Bittersweet World'] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee's lucky she got pregnant, frankly." But even with the marriage announcement, "Joe has an unrealistic expectation of what Ashlee can command," the editor said."

"Lucky she got pregnant" eh? I'm getting a sicky ew ew feeling. I'm going to go pour bleach on my eyeballs now.

Asslee Simpson News

I know it's been a while since I talked about the other Simpson ho, so here goes. Bitch is marrying Pete Wentz. I seriously cannot see that name without remembering those horrible cameraphone pictures of him playing with his little Wentz. Ew! Nightmares!

Anyways, Asslee made a statement: We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes - it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us."

Papa Joe Perv pulled his face out of Chestica's ass long enough to say "Ashlee who?" Heh. Not really.

From DListed: Papa Joe confirmed to People and said he's "totally happy" and "so excited to have Pete as part of (our) family."

Pete was paid. I guess bitch has an album coming out. Timing folks! I didn't even know she was still singing. I thought all the 12-year-olds worshipped Myley Syrus now. I guess I'm out of the fucking loop, I dunno.

Papa Joe Still Creeps Me Out

Papa Joe Simpson could cure AIDS and save a litter of kittens from a burning building and I'd still call him a creepy pedophile. That's just me, though. He said some shit to In Touch magazine to make him look better, but as usual it just made him look like a giant douche.

On the Brit Spears mess: "I would never let that happen to my daughters. Hopefully, her family will take care of the situation."

Yeah, I'm sure you wouldn't.

On Chestica desicrating a decent musician with her herpes: "They are good for each other.

Unlike Nick, John already has an established career, so Jessica doesn't have to compete with him."

He's talking about John Mayer. I keep hoping one day John will wake up, look over, and realize he's dating a total vapid headcase and run screaming for the hills. Seriously. He has talent, she has boobs. That's about it. I'd like to think John needs more than that in a woman. Like a brain. That would be important to ME, but hey.