The Hilton Sisters are Still Stupid Whores

Recently I re-watched the episode of South Park wherein Parisite Hilton shows up in town to promote her clothing line "Stupid Spoiled Whore." She also ends up getting stuffed up Mr. Slave's ass. How I love South Park.

Anyways, Parisite and her sister Nicky, whom I used to mistakenly think was the smart one, showed up at the Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion over the weekend and made complete drunken morons of themselves.

Says Page Six: "Paris did her usual routine, dancing on a table and lip-syncing as her single, "Stars Are Blind," played. "The reaction is now always the same - her posse of sycophants surrounds her, cheering her, as most people groan," said our witness. "This is really getting old." Nicky provided her own show on the dance floor, "being bent over backwards against the stage by a height-challenged young man as she wrapped a leg around his hip and they played tonsil hockey. She later spent an hour crawling under the tables (apparently) looking for a lost purse. When upright, she was stumbling all over . . . as she was fondled everywhere but the bottoms of her feet by the little 'dance' partner . . . She is handling her breakup with Kevin Connelly in a very mature and sophisticated manner - not!"

Well, some things never change. The sky is always blue, and Parisite and Nicky Hilton are still stupid spoiled whores.

Happy Halloween Everyone!!!!

Bob Barker to Retire

After 50 years on television, Bob Barker will retire. He will tape his last episode of The Price is Right in June. No word yet on who will replace him, but whoever it is will suck compared to the great and wonderful Bob.

Says Barker: “I will be 83 years old on December 12 and I’ve decided to retire while I’m still young. I’ve gone on and on and on to this ancient age because I’ve enjoyed it. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m going to miss it.”

Aw. I remember watching this show in high school. I liked it, but it would mess me up because I worked at a grocery store and I never got that shit right. Our prices were always way lower than on the show. Oh well, good luck Bob! Enjoy retirement, you deserve it!

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe Split

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have separated. Rumor has it he's been humping some chick he's filming a movie with. One of Trent's readers over at Pink is the New Blog claims to have seen the cheating with her own two eyes.

Says the reader: Ryan Phillippe is in Austin right now filming a movie, I've seen Reese here once with Deacon. My friends and I went to Kenichi in downtown Austin on Tuesday night and sat 2 tables away from Phillippe and an extremely attractive blonde (not Reese). The couple had a partition placed around their table soon after they arrived but we could still see their legs intertwined under the table and as we left could see them clearly making out behind the partition.

Yeah, that'll do it. The National Enquirer is also reporting on his cheating ass, and saying Reese found some incriminating emails.

This actually kinda sucks. These were one of the couples I thought would be above the Hollywood bullshit. But I guess Ryan thought he was Jude Law or some shit. Not all women are Sierra Miller and take back a cheating bastard.

Brad Pitt and his Hungry Ass

Sounds like a creepy children's story, doesn't it?

The Man Slave was out doing promo work for his new movie Babel, and was telling the media about how he'd entertain the cast and crew during filming.

From Hollywood Rag: The 'Ocean's Thirteen' star regularly made his co-stars smile by yanking his underwear above the waist of his trousers and "waddling about like a duck".

Brad, 42, revealed: "Throughout the movie, I'd walk around like that. You've got to find things to make you laugh during the shoot. Cate Blanchett called it the 'Hungry Butt'."

When Brad was asked explain the 'Hungry Butt' he revealed to Entertainment Weekly: "It's when your butt's so hungry it's trying to eat your pants."

Well, whatever works, I guess.

Kelly Clarkson Isn't a Size Zero. Holy Crap, Get Over It.

These pictures of Kelly Clarkson were at the filming of the CMT Giants honoring the great and wonderful Reba McEntire. Everyone's griping about how Kelly's getting "fat." Really, she's just not the size of a broom with boobs attached, so everyone can shut the hell up. Not everyone wants to look like a starving child in an orphanage waiting for Angelina Jolie to come pick them up.

I say bitch looks good, and everyone can shut up and eat a hamburger.

Violet Affleck is a Tall Baby

Someone's giving Shiloh and that adopted baby Suri a run for their cute money. Violet Affleck is adorable! And tall! Or at least that picture of her mommy carrying her, she looks tall. Could be mommy is kinda short, I dunno...how tall is Jennifer anyways?

What a cutie pie!

Light Through the Clouds Part 2....

AND there are two more wonderful pictures on NIN.com!

Can you say, BLISS???? I KNOW I can!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN SEE THE LIGHT SHINING THROUGH THE CLOUDS!!!!!

Went to one of my favorite sites today, (www.wearingthesechains.com) and made a glorious discovery.

Trent Reznor has started growing the hair back! AND he has a scraggly beard! Now, I used to have this die-hard notion that Trent should never have facial hair (Perfect Drug video, anyone? Okay, yes he was hot, but not SMOKIN' hot!) but I've been turned into a believer!

He's playing at a tribute, and I'm sure it's hot, but this damn computer doesn't have speakers, so I can't hear any of the clips that are on YouTube. I suck.

But yes, this brightened my day. Emmensely. Fuck getting Chestica Simpson's MySpace, I'm a happy bitch.

Chestica is a MySpace Whore

Oh my God I am so scouring MySpace right effing now trying to find this bitch. This is great!

Says a source: "After she split up with John (Mayer) she set up a MySpace page to meet new people. She did it in a fake name but got really into it. She's totally addicted. Whenever she's at home, she's on her laptop. Jessica loves the idea she can use the internet to look for a man who's interested in her personality. She pretends to be this shy Texan girl."

"Interested in her personality?" Oh give me a break. No dude is interested in someone dumb as a fencepost with a creepy dad except for a nice weekend screw.

Ten bucks goes to anybody who can find her profile though. That would make my freaking day.

Nicole Richie Goes to a Place That is Not Rehab

Nicole Richie has apparently started going to this place to see a bunch of doctors to see why she's not putting on weight. I will attempt to keep my jokes and smartass comments to myself, because if bitch really is sick, I'll feel like a giant ass, and my already shitty karma will get shittier.

Says her rep: "Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder."

Like I said, I will restrain myself. Hopefully they figure out what her problem is, because a strong wind would knock this chick over.

Happy Birthday Kelly!

Bitchy ol' Kelly Osbourne is 22 today. Hope she has a good one!

K Fed Didn't Get His Ass Kicked Hard Enough Last Time

KFed was on WWE: Raw last week, and hot shit John Cena kicked his ass. Well, apparently, KFed is a glutton for punishment because he's supposed to be on Raw again tonight. Which means, I've got to watch that shit. I missed the ass-kicking last time, so I wanna be there to laugh and point this time.

Madonna is a Baby-Snatcher

Sources are saying that the father of the baby Madonna is trying to adopt, has now said he didn't mean for the pop star to take permanent custody of his son. He is a farmer who cannot read, and didn't understand the documents that he was told to sign. He'd meant for his son to be raised in England and then returned to his homeland once he is grown, to escape famine and disease in childhood.

He says: "If we were told she wants to take the baby as her own, we would not have consented, because I see no reason why I should give up my son. I am just now realizing the meaning of 'adoption,' "

Apparently when trying to copy Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie, Maddy didn't pay attention to one giant detail: you're supposed to try to adopt ORPHANS.

However, dumb as she may be, she's supposed to be on Oprah's show later this week to defend herself. Meh.

Parisite and Lohan Make Nice

Like I said when Parisite started humping Travis Barker, at least the herpes are contained.

However, bitch needs to keep her herpes away from Criss Angel! Bitch is hot shit, and must be drunk to be this close to that bag o' STD's. Either that or he's planning on making her skanky ass disappear. Oh, one could only hope.




Bitch on my Hot Shit pictures source: http://dlisted.com/10/23/2006/196/

Funeral for Daniel Smith Held Yesterday

Daniel Smith, just 20 years-old, was buried yesterday in the Bahama's. Reportedly, mother Anna Nicole Smith was just inconsolable, which I understand. I hope she can get her shit together, because that ex of hers would just LOVE to steal away her brand-new baby. Hope she has some closure and can get back to some sort of normal.

As usual, my thoughts go out to her.

More Proof that Papa Joe Simpson is the King of Creepy

Seriously, him and Michael Jackson should compare notes. They both creep me out THAT much.

So this picture? Was taken by none other than Joe Simpson, father to Chestica. What father takes a picture of his daughter like that? Ew ew ew ew ew.

This is the same dude who couldn't shut up about his daughter's boobs. Ew. Just, ew.

At some point, Chestica tried standing up for him and saying he wasn't a creepy pedophile, but seriously, that's like saying "Oh, he's not mean. He's just the devil, you know, he has bad days too." Gimmie a break! Ew!

Princess Shiloh is Still Cuter Than Your Kid

Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie was out and about, with the Princess Shiloh, and quickly jumped in a car and was gone, but the sneak peek we got still confirms, yes, Shiloh is cuter than your kid. Hey, I'm pregnant and I know, my kid won't be even half as cute as she is. My kid won't even be one-forth as cute as Maddox! At least I'm at peace with this, folks.

Wesley Snipes is Hiding

Wesley Snipes is in Namibia, and no, he's not adopting any kids. He's hiding his ass since he got charged for not paying his taxes for something like, six years.

Wesley is in big trouble for not filing his tax returns and falsely claiming $12 million in refunds.

The charges allege Mr Snipes failed to file tax returns between 1999 and 2004, and conspired with two men to defraud the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), which collects taxes in the US.

Prosecutors say Eddie Kahn and Douglas Rosile, both from Florida, attempted to make it look like the actor had no liability for income tax.

It's too bad he's a criminal. Because bitch was hot in Blade and To Wong Foo. Now he's gonna be hot...in jail. Ouch.

Oh This is Just Beautiful!

I cannot believe I missed this! I know it's set up, but still! I would have laughed in glee.

I do enjoy the WWE, although it is mostly because John Cena, world wrestling champ, is hot shit. He proved his hot shitted-ness on Monday by delievering a smackdown on KFed, who showed up talking smack and being an idiot.

These pictures need to be framed.




Oh yeah if you want to know who John Cena is and why he is hot shit, here ya go.

Chestica Simpson Officially Sucks

Things are looking good for me. Bad for Chestica and her creepy dad, but good for me. Her last album, did only half as well as ex-hubby Nick Lachey's. Probably because hers sucks and everyone feels sorry for Nick. Not really sure which.

Ches's album has sold roughly 218,000 copies while Nick has sold around 545,000 copies.

Her last sold about 3 million. Hee. Also, it's official. Ashlee Simpson is now the hotter sister. Ouch. That has to suck.

Madonna Goes All Angelina Jolie on Us

Maddy made a statement again. How she loves her statements.

My husband and I began the adoption process many months prior to our trip to Malawi. I did not wish to disclose my intentions to the world prior to the adoption happening as this is a private family matter. After learning that there were over one million orphans in Malawi, it was my wish to open up our home and help one child escape an extreme life of hardship, poverty and in many cases death, as well as expand our family.

Nevertheless, we have gone about the adoption procedure according to the law like anyone else who adopts a child. Reports to the contrary are totally inaccurate. The procedure includes an 18-month evaluation period after which time we hope to make this adoption permanent. This was not a decision or commitment that my family or I take lightly.

I am overwhelmed and inspired by my trip to Malawi and hope that it helps bring attention to how much more the world needs to do to help the children of Africa.

My heartfelt thanks for all the good wishes I have received and I hope the press will allow my family some room for us to experience the joy we feel to have David home.

Madonna Ritchie October 17, 2006 London, England

In short, bitch just wants to be cool like Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie. As much as I enjoy the purple leotards and the reruns that are Madonna's tours, she just cannot measure up, so really, she shouldn't try. Africa is Angelina's territory, did Maddy not get the damn memo? Sheesh.

My Obsession of the Moment

Right now, I'm fucking IN LOVE with the new song by My Chemical Romance called The Black Parade. YES, it is emo, but I don't care. Kiss my ass, I like it.

Here's the video. Enjoy.

Who Really Cares...

So just because it gives me another chance to make fun of her, I'm gonna report how Jennifer Aniston took her whiney ass on Oprah to whine that her and Vince Vaughn are still fucking. I mean, TOGETHER.

According to wwtdd.com: People.com says that Jennifer Aniston told Oprah Winfrey yesterday that she and Vince Vaughn have not broken up, despite rumors to the contrary. Several audience members confirm that, while taping an episode of Oprahs show to be aired next week, Aniston said they have not split up, but they are not engaged either*. Aniston also denies having gotten breast implants recently, a story that was in the tabloids

And I still call her a horse-faced whiner. Who was replaced by Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie. Hee.

Mel Gibson is Dangerous...If You're a Kitchen Appliance

Mel Passion of the Gibson did an interview with Diane Sawyer wherein he tries to act not-crazy. Needless to say, that shit didn't work at all.

Wherein Mel talks about drinking after returning home from his arrest: "I just went home and saw my kids were there. I talked to them for a little bit. And it was a little rough that morning and I chased it down with a few cold ones. It was kind of unbearable to face. I said, 'Well, this is it. This will be the end of it, but I just have to get through this morning.' "You're not operating well, but you know you have to do something."

Wherein Mel talks about taking his anger out on a helpless toaster: "I guess I must have been a little overwrought. Too much pressure, too much work. You do things that go against good judgment. A few drinks later, and I was in the back of a police car wailing. "I've been angry all my life and I try not to have it manifest itself. I can murder inanimate objects. You should see me choking the toaster in the morning!"

Recently I re-watched the episode of South Park where Stan and Kenny go see Passion of the Christ, realize it sucks, and go and try to get their money back from Gibson. If you've never seen that, you're so missing out. Plenty of crazy to go around, just like with Mel in real life.

Chestica Made Nick a Drunk

Yet another reason that Chestica Simpson sucks the life from everything she touches, her ex-husband said on Letterman last night that their divorce made him drink a lot.

Says the drunk: "I definitely think yougo through different phases and there's certainly a phase of, 'Oh, I don'tcare about anything - I'm going to throw myself into a little bit of boozeand kind of numb the pain.'
"I went through a little bit of that and came out on the other side andstill have some sobriety left."

Whatever works. I think he should've tossed a stripper or two in there for good measure, though.

More Proof That Tom Cruise Ruins Everything That He Touches

Did you see Eyes Wide Shut? If your answer is yes, did you hate it as much as I did? Seriously, that was one steaming pile of shit.

Anyway, the director, Stanley Kubrick, apparently felt the same way. He says Tom Cruise is the one who pushed him into changing how the film would go, thusly turning it straight into suckyville.

R. Lee Ermey is an actor who got his start as the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket and is in the prequel to Texas Chainsaw Masacre that's getting ready to come out, and he's also freaking awesome. Ermey was also close friends with Kubrick, and had discussed the matter of Eyes Wide Shut with his friend.

Says Ermey: "Stanley called me about two weeks before he died, as a matter of fact. We had a long conversation about "Eyes Wide Shut". He told me it was a piece of shit and that he was disgusted with it and that the critics were going to have him for lunch. He said Cruise and Kidman had their way with him - exactly the words he used. He was kind of a shy little timid guy. He wasn't real forceful. That's why he didn't appreciate working with big, high-powered actors. They would have their way with him, he would lose control, and his movie would turn to shit."

Not suprised at all. Tom Cruise sucks, and R. Lee should totally go drill sargeant on his ass. How awesome would that be? You've seen Full Metal Jacket, right? I'd like to put the Couch Jumper in THAT boot camp. No amount of Scientology dollars would save his pansy ass. It would rule.

Anna Nicole's Fake Wedding

These are from Anna Nicole Smith's fake wedding to her creepy lawyer Howard K. Smith in the Bahama's on some boat. They got married, she looked baked to hell on something, they jumped into the water, but I heard somewhere the water frolicking had to stop since duh, Anna just had a baby by C Section not a few weeks ago.

I've been on your side for a while now, Anna, but you're starting to creep me out.

I Love Her, But She's Insane

Madonna hauled her rich ass to Africa to visit this village she's planning on donating money to. She decided that the first thing she wants to do is dig them some wells, so they'll have clean water to drink. But folks, it's not filtered Evian she's gonna get 'em, oh no, she's getting them Kabballah water to drink. No kidding.

A source said, "Water is the purest expression of God's sharing essence. The water will be Kaballah water."

Really, the kids don't give a shit what water they're drinking, as long as it's WATER and there's no funky stuff in it. Why spend all the money for the fancy religious water?

Kid Rock Took a Shower

I'm as shocked as you are, folks.

I Am Now the President of the Shanna Moakler Fan Club.

There ARE pictures, but as per usual, Blogger is being a bastard and won't post them and I'm in a hurry, so I'll have to add them later. In the meantime, check the link in my title and the link at the end of the post for pictures!

Okay first, if you're like me and you've ever watched Meet the Barkers, then you are damn shocked that Shanna got out of bed for ANYTHING, let alone do what so many of us have only dreamed of. Shanna Moakler punched Parisite Hilton in the face. Yes folks, I'm not kidding. How beautiful is that? Don't arrest her, give her a prize. I'm tellin' ya. This is even better than the Mel Passion of the Gibson meltdown. This is better than Couch Jumpin' Cruise getting fired by Paramount. Ladies and gentleman, I am in love.

According to TMZ: TMZ has learned that Paris Hilton and Shanna Moakler have both filed police reports early Wednesday morning, alleging each was attacked. Paris says Moakler socked her in the jaw. Moakler claims Paris' ex shoved her down some stairs. Elliot Mintz, Paris' publicist, tells TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.

Mintz and Hilton then went to the LAPD's Hollywood Division where she filed a police report, alleging battery

We're told Moakler also went to the station to file a report against Paris' companion that evening, Stavros Niarchos, alleging that he poured a drink over her head. A source tells TMZ that Moakler alleges that Niarchos shoved her down some stairs. We're told police took photos of both women at the station, though it's unclear if either showed visible signs of injury.

OH yes. This shit is beautiful. I love it. Just LOVE it. I want to fly to L.A. and shake Shanna's freaking hand. I could go on all night about how wonderful this is, but I have limited time. I'll have to just gleefully go on with my evening now.

Oh yeah, pictures source: http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/10/shanna-moakler-deserves-nobel-prize.html

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn Done

Which you know what that means. There's gonna be a lot more of Aniston in interviews whining again. And this time, she has a new topic! I'm gonna start throwing up now to avoid the rush.

After weeks of distance both emotional and real, the relationship ax fell the week of September 9 for Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. A source close to Vaughn tells Us that the split happened just before the actor left for London to begin work on his holiday comedy, Joe Claus. “It’s not common knowledge, but we’re not together anymore,” Vaughn told the insider September 13, adding that they solidified the breakup in a long phone conversation. “We’ve split up.” Confirms an Aniston pal: “They’re 100 percent done.”

Yeah, nowhere near as cool as Parisite getting punched in the face. Every other news story just pales in comparison.

I Am Not Surprised

South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are saying they were tripping on acid when they showed up to the 2000 Academy Awards in drag. Yeah, really, I'm not shocked at all.

Matt revealed to America's FHM magazine: "We took acid and tripped. Itseemed like the right day - drop acid and get on the red carpet in a dress.
"I haven't taken acid since then."

They're insane, but I still love them.

Good Riddance!!!!!

Star Jones and her husband Big Gay Al have moved their dumb asses to Miami. Just a few blocks closer to has-been land!

Supposedly, he's working on an autobiography, and she's trying to get a talk show. I'd like to read that damn bio, let me tell ya.

Proof That in Order to Get Pregnant, You Should Have to Go Through a Screening Process...

Apparently Tori Spelling is knocked up. I guess Dean McDermott is in fact, dumber than rocks. Let it be a boy. Because if it's a girl, I don't know if there is enough room on this earth for another woman as ugly and horsefaced as Spelling. Ick.

More Baby Daddy Drama for Anna Nicole

Larry Birkhead, ex to Anna Nicole, has filed a paternity lawsuit against the grieving mother since he thinks he's the biological daddy to her newborn daughter, Dannilynn. He is asking for custody of the baby, and claims she fled to the Bahamas to birth the baby so she wouldn't have to deal with his allegations or custody issues.

According to TMZ: In a statement released tonight by Birkhead's high-powered attorney Debra Opri, Birkhead is asking for legal and physical custody of the little girl, born September 7th.

According to the statement, Birkhead is "a first time father and he is responding to allegations made by attorney Howard K. Stern on behalf of Anna Nicole Smith" and "believes beyond any doubt that he is the father." Smith's lawyer Howard K. Stern announced last week on CNN's "Larry King Live" that he was the father of the child and that he and Anna Nicole had been in a relationship for some time.

If the bitch is the daddy, then I agree he should be allowed to see the kid. But by "custody" he'd better not be talking full custody. If he took that baby away from Anna right now, she'd probably walk off a cliff somewhere. There's not much holding that poor lady together.

Cutest Picture Ever

Seriously, you wish your kid was this effin' adorable. And don't get me started on how you wish your husband was that hot.