Chestica Screws Margera Again

Yeah I have no proof of that, but according to People magazine, she and Bam Margera ran into each other at some crappy bar in New York and Bam apologized for his crackhead ex-girlfriend calling that radio station and blabbing to the world about them screwing. Only when Bam talked to People, he was still claiming that was a lie, that him and Chestica didn't do it. Riiiiight.

You Know How I Know John Travolta is Gay? He Likes Coldplay.

Actually, I know he's gay because in that picture, he's kissing a dude. Just a thought.

He's Standing Next to Greatness...

That's Trent, author of the best website ever, Pink is the New Blog, with one of my idols, Amy Lee of the band Evanecence. Since moving to L.A., he's had way too much fun. He was at some event for the VMA's I guess. Lucky ass.

Someone Help Me Organize...

Katie-Kate Holmes, according to Star Magazine, is planning on escaping the Compound of Crazy with the baby potato Suri. C'mon, people! We've got to help!

According to Popbytes: hey boys & girls! here is the very latest scandalous cover of STAR magazine that claims ms. katie holmes has a secret plan to escape with baby suri and someone is going to help her do it - wild! oh man that would be the best - she finally escapes tom's weirdness and his whole creepy scientology schtick...run katie run! (and NOT to leah remini's house)

They can totally hide in my apartment. No way would the Counch Jumping Hobbit even THINK to look for her in my trashed ass apartment full of cats and metal rocking husband.

NOW I Get It!

Okay, NOW I think I understand why John Mayer can stand to be around this chick. She lost her voice! He doesn't have to put up with the stupid shit she says!

In this photo, she's at some event for Yahoo! and carried around this dumb sign all night. I'm sure everyone was just so broken-hearted that they got no pearls of wisdom from her fat mouth.

Hillary Duff is Better Than Britney Spears

I'm sure your first thought is "Well yeah, but so is a bad case of the herpes." But stick with me here.

It's been a year since Hurricane Katrina wreaked havok on the city of New Orleans, and a lot of celebs are swooping in to help and to bring awareness to the fact that there's a lot in the city that pretty much looks just like it did the day after the storm. Hillary Duff is one of them.

According to WWTDD.com: TMZ says that she "has donated more than 2.5 million meals to hurricane victims in the south". Reuters says she has also, "(donated) backpacks, water and energy drinks ... (and) encouraged her young fans to bring canned food to her concerts for distribution to food shelters across the Gulf Coast region."

Says Hillary: "When you are a celebrity, and you have a voice that people pay attention to or a name that people watch and read about, it's the perfect opportunity to spread the word and get people motivated and to remember to help other people and give back."

On to why she's better than Britney. If you remember, Mrs. Federline is a native of Louisiana, and has yet to do anything more than burp in the general direction of her home state. So there.

Gwen's Boycotting the VMA's

Supposedly, Gwen Stefani isn't showing up for MTV's Video Music Awards because she's pissed off that Kelly Clarkson won all the awards Gwen was nominated for last year, and she did the closing show performance, something Gwen thought she should've been able to do.

Personally, the VMA's have been crap for years now. If I were Gwen, I wouldn't worry too much about it. She's hot, she's got a hot husband, and a cute baby. Screw 'em.

What the Hell?????

After blowing everyone away with the magnitude of his suckiness on the Teen Choice Awards, KFed has decided to take his talents elsewhere. To television. Specifically, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Also known as, One of Layla's Top Ten Favorite Shows Ever. Therefore, if he's not playing a dead body that was shot 47 times then gang raped by warewolves, I'm not gonna be happy.

Paris is Officially a Failure

With only 75,000 copies sold in the first week, Parisite Hilton's debut CD, Paris, is considered a complete flop. They rushed out the second single from the album, but apparently it sucks more than the first, because they are only projecting maybe 30,000 sold in the second week.

Really, are we surprised? I'm not.

Has He Lost His Mind???

Us Magazine is claiming that Chestica Simpson told them exclusively that she and John Mayer were doing it. If this is true, John, I've just lost a little, if not all, respect for ya. You made good music. You had a good sense of humor. Now, unless you're planning some sort of pig's-blood-at-the-prom thing for her in the end, (which would rule) I'm going to be forced to wonder if you're not effing insane.

SOMEONE BUY ME THIS SHIRT!!

Seriously, this is awesome. That's all I can say, except have a good weekend, folks. It's a 3-day weekend for me, and the Husband's 30th birthday. So I'll be babysitting drunks. Hee.

My Daily Amusement - Set Phasers to FABULOUS!

Comedy Central saw fit to roast William Shatner and really, I can't think up a more deserving person to recieve such ridicule. Anyways, I saw the second half, and George Takei took his turn on Shatner. And it was HILARIOUS. This is only part of it, but oh man. I hope they do the "secret stash" showing of this roast this weekend, I will be there to watch it in all it's uncensored glory.

Paramount Fires the Crazy

Paramount Pictures has been where Counch Jumpin' Cruise and company have housed their crap movies for a while now, and word is, everyone's favorite Scientologist got his psycho ass fired. They basically said they felt his behavior was affecting the success of his films, as evidenced by how shitty MI:3 did in comparison to the second one.

As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal," Redstone was quoted as saying in the Wall Street Journal report e-mailed to reporters. "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."

And of course, Tom's spokesbitches made up some crap and released it in a statement:
"Whatever remarks Mr. Redstone would make about Tom Cruise personally or as an actor have no bearing on what this business issue is. I don't understand why this would be turned into a personal attack. Because that's what it is. That's letting one of your greatest assets walk out the door. It looks like bad business to me. There must be another agenda that the studio has in mind to take one of their greatest assets and malign him this way. We in fact made a decision not to continue our relationship with Paramount Pictures," Paula claims that they decided to produce independently and they quit and weren't fired. "For some reason, Paramount has chosen to negotiate in the press. It's not really the most businesslike approach. We've had virtually no dealings with Mr. Redstone."

Basically they're saying "They can't fire him, he's Tom effing Cruise!" and Paramount is all "Well, uh, yeah we kinda did." So Tom says "FINE!" and stomps his foot and turns to leave, only to smash his crazy face into a wall. Don't worry folks, Katie-Kate and the baked potato baby, Suri, rush to his side.

In other news, I still can't stand Tom Cruise so this story pretty much made my week.

Sadly, I'm Really Not Surprised.

Vincent Margera, also known as Don Vito and the uncle to Bam Margera has been arrested in Colorado on charges of sexual assault of a child. A city spokeswoman said the charges involved "inappropriate touching." He was at a skateboarding event, but Bam was not present.

Sadly, really, I'm not surprised at all. It was only a matter of time for this pervert to eff up and hit on the wrong chick and get his ass arrested. Oh, and if that mug shot is real, looks like he gained back all that weight he lost.

Nick Lachey to Sell Chestica's Stuff

This is freaking awesome. Apparenty, Nick Lachey has decided to auction off some reminders of his marriage to the idiot Chestica Simpson. All proceeds will go to charity.

Soon, I'm sure we'll hear about her whining and moaning about this. Something about her being hurt by it or some crap. Who cares. I hope he makes a bunch of money, and some poor people benefit from it.

HOLY HELL!

Was checking on one of my favorite sites, WearingTheseChains.com, and they linked to a goofy video on YouTube wherein someone had done a puppet show interview with a fake Trent Reznor. I didn't make it all the way through it though, because under the related items list, I saw a shirtless Trent video and totally clicked on that. It's Trent all right, backstage at the last show of the Nine Inch Nails tour. It's blurry, but still, I have no clue what he said because I was starin' at the muscles. Oh yeah. What a way to brighten my day.

My Daily Amusement - ER is Still the Shit

It's almost fall! The kiddies are going back to school, and the new season of ER is about to start! And I cannot wait, I am telling you. That season finale kicked my ass it was so awesome. For those of you who don't realize the glory that is ER, this is the final montage from the finale last spring. If anything, you should like the song. It was pretty awesome. It's Open Your Eyes by the band Snow Patrol. Enjoy.

Yeah. Right.

First of all, if you ever visited www.wwtdd.com, also known as What Would Tyler Durden Do? then you should now. They just re-vamped the site and it kicks so much ass.

Secondly, KFed is trying to say he's almost broke because he's too proud to ask Britney for money. To that, I laugh, and remember when she gave him a credit card with no limit. If he's insisting that he's not using it, I don't believe him.

Says KFed: "I don't get any money from my wife. I'm almost broke. As a man, as a male figure and a father, I wouldn't be happy sitting back and living off my wife's fortune. I have to provide for my family. People gotta understand that I'm working, too, she's not the only one that's got things to do."

Lies, I tell you. No way do I believe that shit. Anywho, he wasn't done yapping:

"Britney plays mamma real well. She's a very good mother. It's one of those things that comes naturally. What the magazines don't tell you about Britney driving is that Starbucks is a minute from the house. People don't know what it's like being chased by all those cars and if Britney feels like she gotta take the baby and put him on her lap and get out of there then so be it."

Hey at least he's standing up for his baby-mama. That's a good thing. She's still effing stupid, though.

Courtney Love Almost Human

Wow, Courtney Love looks almost good here! You look at her and think "Wow, no smudge makeup, no light-socket hair...she looks good!" Then you look at her daughter Frances Bean, who looks fabulous, and when you look back at C Love again, you're like, "ew." But anywho, it's a giant step for Courtney.

Boy George Rockin' the Garbage

This is Boy George doing his community service for whatever it was he did. I forgot. Whatever, he looks a bit better than the last time I saw him. And bitch is rockin' some fabulous sunglasses. He may have to wear some orange vest and pick up trash, but he WILL have the hot glasses. I salute you, Boy George, even though you are one crazy mother-effer.

In this last picture he's totally saying "Um, bitch, you better not be throwing that shit on the ground!"

My Daily Amusement - Beth is My New Idol

So this weekend, A&E had a marathon of Dog the Bounty Hunter episodes, and since I'm such a reality TV whore, I totally watched most of them. I'm here to announce that Beth, Dog's wife, is the SHIT. She will throw down and kill you with one of her boobs. She's also the one hugging people before they put their asses in jail. She rules.

This video is of the gang trying to get some bad guy and a dude is all pissy because they're on his property. At one point, some bitch flies at Beth like she could actually fight the almighty. Beth woulda killed her ass. But the video gets even better because the dude gets all bent outta shape so Leland, Dog's hot son, has to issue him the ass-kicking of a lifetime. It is awesome.

Good News!

On Wednesday, Madonna turned 48 years-old. Happy Birthday to Maddy! Anyway, she's announced that she's not going to do any more films. And I rejoice.

Says Madge: "I hate to admit it, but I've decided to give that up. How can any film survive if everyone says it's going to be a flop from the very day the project is even concieved? It's already dead in the water."

Now I love her, leotards and all, but girl cannot act. It has nothing to do with people expecting her movies to flop. It's not a wild guess, here. It's pretty much in stone her movies will suck. Only one I sorta liked was Evita but she was singing, and she wasn't half bad in League of Their Own but really, she wasn't acting in that movie, just being herself. But her music is kicking ass now, so she should stick to that and stay the hell away from that horrid crap that was American Life. Thank you, Madonna.

Britney Spears is Still an Idiot

Supposedly, Britney Spears is demanding her white trash husband get rid of his pet sharks. These are little ones by the way, they live in a tank. They cannot survive outside of water. Yet, she's afraid that the sharks will hurt Sean Preston or the baby on the way.

Says a source: "Kevin loves those sharks," a family friend told the mag. "He even named them. But Brit said there's no way he'd be keeping them."

Well at least she's predictable.

Mel Gibson Gets a Slap on the Wrist

Mel Passion of the Gibson had pleaded no contest to his charges of driving while intoxicated, and has recieved pretty much nothing. He has to go to AA meetings, and will be on probation for three years. I should've seen this coming, but I'm still annoyed.

Pimp Kitty

Some dentist wanted to strengthen his cat's teeth, so he put gold caps on them. And it is awesome.

From the article: "His owner, dentist David Steele, said he gave Sebastian gold crowns to help strengthen the fanged feline's teeth. Steele said he was worried the unique canines would break off or become a problem.

"It's possible to work on animals the same way we do humans," he said. "I did it to strengthen (Sebastian's) teeth, but it had an excellent cosmetic result. The cat gets a lot of attention now. Everyone is tickled to death when they see him."

Heh. Pimp Kitty.

Hells Yeah.

Oh it's gonna be a cinematic masterpiece, folks. Jackass: Number Two hits theaters on September 22nd. Those two pictures are stills from the movie. And that is totally Bam Margera getting his ass branded at a farm, with Johnny Knoxville giving his obligitory stupid facial expression. I'll bet that's the same O-face he had when him and Chestica Simpson did the nasty. Ew, both those fuckers did Chestica. Hope they washed afterwards.

Here's the official website for the flick:
http://www.jackassmovie.com/

Hey Now!

Looks like someone wants to touch some royal bootie. Hands off, buddy. I think they behead you for that shit, I don't know.

Anyways, that's hot royal shit Prince William taking part in the Sovereign's Parade yesterday in England. He's lookin' pretty good in that uniform, I gotta say. (Don't behead me!)

I ::heart:: Reese Witherspoon.

Reese Witherspoon had some nice words to say about our dear Chestica Simpson. They are glorious, so I will let Miss Witherspoon speak for herself:

"Creating a cultural icon out of someone who goes, 'I'm stupid, isn't it cute?' makes me want to throw daggers.

"I want to say to them, 'My grandma did not fight for what she fought for, just so you can start telling women it's fun to be stupid.'"

THANK YOU!!!!!!

This Squirrel is Hot Shit

Yes folks, this squirrel is mad as hell and he decided to take it out on some pedestrians.

Says source: "A 3-year-old boy was bitten by the animal several times and has a two-inch wound on his leg, according to the report. Another child was reportedly bitten on his calf and a man sitting on a park bench was attacked by the squirrel. He suffered a bite and scratches on his arm. The attacks took place between August 1 and August 4.

Some people now say the attacking animal should have been captured sooner. One citizen said he captured the squirrel under a bucket after it attacked his friend. He said he released the squirrel when county animal-services workers failed to arrive after two hours. City employees captured the animal this week. Winter Park received notice from the Florida Department of Health Epidemiology stating that the results on the squirrel were negative for rabies."

Sadly, the vengeful squirrel is probably dead hot shit, but still. That is hilarious. I got the best mental picture ever of a squirrel chasing people all over the park. Very Monty Python. "Killer squirrel! Run away!" For those of you who did not get that reference, too bad.

My Daily Amusement - Fabulous!

This clip is from a classic - Some Like it Hot starring the legendary Marilyn Monroe. Enough said.

Three Cheers for the Internet.

Yes, I'm about to get personal. Deal with it!

I spent 2 and a half years at university, and while it was a great time for me, I had some bad times. I was a theatre major, and had a positively wonderful professor named JulieRae. Through the miracles of modern technology and MySpace, I have found her again, and she is rocking out! The link in the title of this thread takes you to an article and music video she did for her song The Vagina Song. It goes without saying that it is awesome.

Therefore, all four of my loyal fans must go and watch her music video. Why? Because what good is having four fans when they don't do what you tell them to? Pssssh.

Parisite Hilton is Dumber Than a Box of Hair.

Supposedly, Parisite Hilton has purchased the plot in the wall next to where the goddess Marilyn Monroe is buried. Not for her, or some dead Hilton family member, or the friggin' pope, but her pet goat. Yes folks, she thinks her hairy goat is worthy to be buried next to the legendary Marilyn Monroe. (And by "hairy goat" I DO NOT mean her vah-jay-jay. Seriously. Stop laughing.)

According to a source: "It's absolutely disgusting. Paris booked the plot for a 'Billy Hilton'. Everybody was very understanding because they presumed it was one of her relatives. But it has transpired that it's just an old goat. Normal people are content to bury their pets in the garden and be done with it. But not Paris. This is one of the most prestigious cemeteries in the world, it's not for animals. It should be reserved for superstars."

In other news, Marilyn Monroe has reportedly raised her fabulous ass from the grave, and has given Parisite the beating of her life with her own dead goat.

And to make me happy, here's some Marilyn to brighten your day:




Yes folks, if you ever wondered, Marilyn Monroe = goddess of timeless beauty. Parisite Hilton = Herpes on heels.

Suri?

Supposedly, this is Katie-Kate Holmes standing in a window of the jail - I mean HOUSE - that she lives in with Couch Jumper Cruise. The thing that looks like a doll or a blob next to her is supposed to be Suri Cruise. The sham goes on.

Who Cares!

Apparently, somewhere in this world, there is a woman who hates herself enough that she is now engaged to be married to Kanye West. Supposedly, her name is Alexis, and bitch has got to be deaf. Because who the hell could hang out with someone who constantly yaps about how cool they are is fucking annoying. Also, they'll have to get a house with a spare bedroom so his ego can live with them too.

I wonder if while he was hanging with the Couch Jumper Cruise he picked up on some brainwashing tips. That's a thought.

Carmen Electra Files for Divorce

After announcing their separation, Carmen Electra has formally filed for divorce from hubby of three years Dave Navarro. Apparently, he'd been screwing around and his mistress blabbed her slutty mouth all over town and Carmen found out.

Since their separation, rumors are that Carmen's been cuddling with Jamie Foxx, while Dave got comfy with porn bitch Jenna Jamison, who also recently ditched her husband.

The picture I got from MySpace. Yes, I'm a loser, and I totally have a MySpace profile. Also, Navarro totally has hobbit feet. What chicks see in him, I'm not sure. He looks short.

Dr. Ross Has Come a Long Way.

Damn, Dr. Ross! Nice glasses! Seriously though, ugly ducklings rock. Me, I've always been ugly. But a bitch can dream. Maybe I'll fall asleep, and wake up on ER about five seasons ago when it didn't suck and Doug was still struttin' around scamming for women.

In other news, I need to take my medication.

In Case You Wondered, Britney Spears is Still Dumber Than a Box of Hair.

Britney Spears has said she'd like to renew her vows to her wannabe rapper husband KFed after the birth of their second child in October. However, this is not what makes her dumb, though it's a symptom. Supposedly, to prove her love and to give him a chance to be responsible, she's given him a black American Express credit card with no credit limit.

In other news, I'll be taking bets as to when the repo man will show up for his Escalade, the mansion, and all the bling.

My Daily Amusement - Will Farrell is GOD

Yeah, there is NOTHING GOING ON today, so I'm gonna just post my Amusement and go on with life. I want to see this movie though, so there.

From the geniuses who brought us Ancorman and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, we have Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.

In the movie, Ricky has two sons. And their names are Walker and Texas Ranger. Which is frigging awesome. The movie is worth seeing for that reason alone. And because Will Farrell kicks so much ass.

My Daily Amusement - The First Rule of Fight Club is....

I guess Man Slave Brad Pitt is supposed to sing somewhere for a charity. Meh. He can carry a tune, but I wouldn't buy his CD.

But waaaay back in the day before he was mezmerized by the Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie, and when he was still married to boring, whiney, Jennifer Aniston, he did this amazing movie that was based off an even more amazing book, called Fight Club. Brad and fellow Hot Shit List Member Edward Norton did the flick.

In today's Daily Amusement, Brad and Ed are on-set, charming us with a little tune called "The Penis Song." Since I worship anything that might have to do with Chuck Palahniuk and the movie, I'm posting it. Also hearing them sing and fart around is amusing. Enjoy.

Parisite is Full of Crap

Parisite Hilton is on the cover of Marie Claire magazine. In her interview, she claims again that's she's taking off a year from having sex, and only had sex with a couple guys, who were her boyfriends.

And by "boyfriends" she means "guys in dirty bathroom floors at clubs."
And by "couple guys" she means "football team gang bang."

Just thought I should clarify that.

My Daily Amusement - More Mel Craziness

In honor of the insanity that has become Mel Passion of the Gibson, here he is on South Park. Which it goes without saying, is awesome.

Oh It Keeps Getting Better and Better....

Seriously, this is awesome.

Not ONLY did Mel Gibson get pulled over and charged with a DUI, he totally called a female officer "sugar tits" and had several degrading things to say about Jewish folks. He blamed them for "all the wars in the world." He's apologized twice for his behavior, and supposedly checked himself into some sort of rehab, but it is too late. Mel Passion of the Gibson has been tarnished.

I mean, just LOOK at that mugshot. It doesn't get any more awesome than that.

Oh but wait, yeah it does. Look at these:




Taken by In Touch Weekly and by a fan of IDon'tLikeYouinThatWay.com, these are from him partying into the wee hours at some bar. In case you were wondering, even though others at the bar quoted him as calling his wife Robyn "a saint," none of these blondes hanging all over his hairy ass are his wife. Heh. Go figure. Also, the bottle of water he was seen chugging later on wasn't water at all. Someone reported him as swiping a bottle of vodka from behind the bar and pouring it into an empty water bottle. Classy.

Even though this is the most awesome meltdown since Tom Cruise found a couch, I do seriously hope Mel's getting help. And getting punished. Because I have zero respect for drunk drivers. Mel Passion of the Gibson or not, he could've killed someone.

Oh, to be a Fly on the Wall...

In case you forgot, Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant, and she has this dorky video diary on her website that you can see if you pay like 5 bucks. Sadly, she's only got like 183 members, so she's really not raking in that much from it.

Anywho, apparently, in a recent video, she stated she'd like to be buddies with Britney Spears, which would be awesome. That would be the most intellectually devoid conversation ever. And I'd love to see it. Although it would probably make my head cave in.

Says Anna: If you wanted to be friends, I would so much love to hang out with you,” the six-months-pregnant former Playboy pinup says in a video on her Web site — even though she spells Spears' first name “Brittany.” She goes on to say “I think you’re totally cool and I think we’re going to have our babies about the same time.”

Oh this would be so freaking awesome. Someone hook this up.