More Retardedness From the Dumbest Family Ever

First, as usual, Papa Joe tries to sound fatherly, but it comes out just being pervy and creepy. He's apparently mad that Bam Margera got a piece of Chestica's ass, because you know bitch is jealous.

Says the perv: “As a father, I want to go beat the crap out of people who say things like this. It really hurts to hear people say things like this about my daughter.”

He's talking about how Bam was saying Chestica looked good naked and shit when he and Steve-o were on the Howard Stern show like last week. Like I said, creepy.

Link:
http://popsugar.com/39315

Also, speaking of Chestica, she did the best she could to crap on her sister Ashlee's parade when she was celebrating closing the first night of her run in Chicago.

At the after-party for her sister, Ashlee Simpson's musical theater debut in Chicago, Jessica was one true grouch. She wouldn't talk to anyone and bitched and moaned about being there. She was heard telling her father, "I don't want to be here - why won't people just leave me alone?"

Papa Joe told a reporter, "Jess is quite down at the moment. She's not comfortable talking to people as she's quite depressed and we're walking on eggshells."

"Walking on eggshells?" Give me a break. Tell the bitch to either shut the hell up and be happy for her sister, or if she wants to continue being a selfish twit, she can fuck off. Seriously. That's rude shit. I'm sure Ashlee sounds like a trained horse onstage, but still. That's not how you treat family.

Link:
http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/09/someone-give-jessica-simpson-cookie.html

Drug Combo Killed Daniel Smith

It has now been released what killed Daniel Smith:

The death of Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son Daniel was caused by a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft and Lexapro, pathologist Dr. Cyril Wecht has revealed to PEOPLE.

In other news about these people, Howard K. Stern, creepy lawyer to Anna Nicole Smith, told Larry King Live that he was the father to Anna's newborn baby daughter, Danni Lynn. He's also said he would marry Anna if she wants to. Ew. Just, ew. Have you ever seen this dude? He could be Papa Joe's brother, seriously. He's that pervy looking.

At the same time, some other dude is claiming to be the baby daddy. Geez, everyone wants in on this shit.

Meanwhile, photographer Larry Birkhead, who has said he dated Smith for about two years, claims on his Web site, "I maintain that I am the proud father, and look forward to a paternity test."

We shall see, I guess.

T-Mobile Bitch Turns 37

Her name is Catherine Zeta-Jones, and she's married to Michael Douglas and they have kids together which is ew, since they probably had sex to make said kids. She's done a bunch of movies, but she's still the T-Mobile Bitch to me, since I used to sell that shit. Really, I only posted about her birthday because I saw this picture on D Listed and everybody knows that George Clooney makes me wet myself.

Happy Birthday, Catherine the T-Mobile Bitch!

Yes, I Am a Geek

Yes I am a huge geek, therefore I got all excited at seeing these two stills released from the upcoming movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix. Yes, I need help. But this shit rocks my world, so live with it.

THERE IS A GOD!

Oh yes folks, this isn't just an excuse to post a Trent picture, although any reason is a good reason.

Nine Inch Nails is releasing a live DVD of the With_Teeth tour and I couldn't be happier since I was too poor to see a show this time around. I CANNOT WAIT.

And by "2007" that had better mean "Christmas 2006" because I'm impatient.

Preview for your enjoyment:

Kat Von D Rocks My World

Link in the title takes you to an article on The Sun Online about Kat Von D, the coolest tattooing chick ever. She does GREAT black and white work and her portraits are TO DIE for. Seriously. She charges like $250 an hour, and I would so pay it if I could get to L.A. where she works. I'd LOVE to have her do a portrait on me. Or anything, I don't care. She's hot and she does hot work. If you're into tattoos, I recommend reading the article. She's awesome.

My Daily Amusement - Trippy!

This is the music video for Knights of Cydonia by the band Muse. It's weird and trippy, but the song is pure awesome. Enjoy.

Death Certificate Issued for Daniel Smith

The officials in the Bahamas have issued an official death certificate for Daniel Smith to his mother, Anna Nicole Smith, which would allow her to have a funeral and burial for her son.

From Yahoo! and wwtdd.com : Filed on Wednesday, the death certificate lists the cause as "pending chemical analysis," said Chief Magistrate Roger Gomez. “It is not unusual in instances where the cause of death cannot be determined to issue a death certificate," Gomez told The Associated Press. "This is not a matter of special treatment being given in this particular case."

InTouch Magazine has published the last known photographs of Daniel with his mom and new sister in the hospital in the days before his death. By principle, I didn't go looking for those online, or buy the magazine even though I am a sick individual. I just thought it was awful that someone made profit from that, whether it was the magazine, Anna's heartless attorney Howard K. Stern, or the woman herself. It's just sad.

Papa Joe is Even Further Down the Road From Regular Perv to Full-Blown Skank

Papa Perv Joe Simpson apparently wants to further his sickness. He now plans to open a chain of restaurants based on his daughter's character in that shitty film Duke's of Hazzard which will basically be nothing more than Hooters restaurants with a southern theme.

A source told America's Life and Style Weekly magazine: "Joe's going to make a lot of money from this."
The flagship eatery will open in Las Vegas' Caesar's Palace next year, and Jessica will reportedly commit to make at least five appearances at the venue each year.
A spokesman for the 26-year-old star, whose divorce from Nick Lachey was finalized this year, has so far refused to confirm the restaurant plans.

Ew. Seriously, this dude will make money off his daughter's boobs in any way possible.

Steve-o is a Repeat Pisser

This is Steve-o pissing on the red carpet at the premiere of Jackass: Number Two. Didn't he do this at some Oscar party last year? Geez, he needs a new trick.

Link in title takes you to my source, which has a rather lovely NSFW picture of him performing the urination.

Madonna and Another Press Release

I love me some Madge, but homegirl has to yack all the time. Sometimes all ya gotta do is say "I did this 'cause I felt like it," and leave it at that. Anyways, this time she was yapping about how everyone hated her cross routine she did on her Confessions tour.

Says Queen Madge of Leotard: "There is a segment in my show where three of my dancers 'confess' or share harrowing experiences from their childhood that they ultimately overcame. My 'confession' follows and takes place on a Crucifix that I ultimately come down from. This is not a mocking of the church. It is no different than a person wearing a Cross or 'Taking Up the Cross' as it says in the Bible. My performance is neither anti-Christian, sacrilegious or blasphemous. Rather, it is my plea to the audience to encourage mankind to help one another and to see the world as a unified whole. I believe in my heart that if Jesus were alive today he would be doing the same thing.

"My specific intent is to bring attention to the millions of children in Africa who are dying every day, and are living without care, without medicine and without hope. I am asking people to open their hearts and minds to get involved in whatever way they can. The song ends with a quote from the Bible's Book of Matthew:

"'For I was hungry and you gave me food. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you took care of me and God replied, "Whatever you did for the least of my brothers... you did it to me."'

"Please do not pass judgment without seeing my show."

What coming onstage strapped to a giant sparkly cross has to do with starving kids in Africa, I don't have an effing clue. And furthermore, didn't she get on the Africa kick AFTER the tour started? Hmm...

How I Love Premiere Night...

*WARNING SPOILER ALERT!!!* For those who care, this post has spoilers regarding the new Grey's Anatomy and ER. *WARNING SPOILER ALERT!!!!*

OH yeah. Last night kicked my ass. New ER and Grey's Anatomy. Grey's was just amusing and "aww" worthy, which was good. It was a good episode. Kinda made me tear up a little. McDreamy finally grew a brain under all that hair and ran and told Meredith that he loved her and had always loved her and was leaving the choice up to her, 'cause he's a dumbass and he made the wrong decision last time. (Duh!)

But folks, ER, was glorious. Now, Abby of course went into premature labor, which is a tired thing on this show. But Goran turned in a fantastic performance as Luka (as per usual) and rocked my socks. Morris proves he's not just a pot-smoking idiot and actually rocked. Neela walks in from her husband's effing funeral and helps save Jerry! That was pure awesome.

But the pinacle of my evening??? Anybody who saw the finale last season knows Sam and her diabetic son Alex got kidnapped by Alex's crazy dad and Sam's ex, Steve and one of his inmates and the dude's girlfriend. Well, Steve is even more apeshit than anybody thought. They run a cop off the road, and when they park at some farm, Steve shoots and kills inmate and inmate's girlfriend! At this point, I'm thinking "Whoa, get the eff out." I've not been a big fan of Sam's, although I like her more now that she and Luka are not together. But now I'm rooting for her ass. Steve comes out of the barn and does this creepy rape on her while Alex is sleeping in the car with the door open. THEN shit gets good. After creepyraping Sam, Steve falls asleep, and she sees this as an opportunity to steal the truck and run. But she stops and looks over at the gun sitting next to the sleepy creepyrapist. She goes to get it.

This is where Husband yells "Shoot his ass!"
Then I yell, "Beat him with the butt of the gun, shoot him in the nuts, then the head!"

She pauses, looks at the gun, then aims it at him. For a second you think she's just gonna back her way back to the truck, then she shoots his ass. Credits roll, and you hear it go off FOUR MORE TIMES!

HOLY CRAP! That is the shit. SO awesome.

Watching next week, folks. After like 14 seasons, this show is STILL the shit.

The New Bond Theme Sucks Ass

I heard this on the radio last night and all I could think was Chris Cornell used to not suck...

But yeah, it's a giant cheese ball from hell and I pray the rock station I like listening to loses the CD. It's total shit. If you're a Cornell fan, I recommend NOT listening to this shit. It will make you weep.

By the way, the blonde Bond sucks.

You Know How I Know You're Gay? You're Clay Aiken.

Diane Sawyer was interviewing Clay Gayken and asked him if he was gay. He danced around it like a silly little fairy listening to 80's Madonna.

"I've gotten to a point now where I, A., am tired of trying, and B., I feel it's kind of invasive, you know?" Aiken said to "Good Morning America's" Diane Sawyer.

"What I do in my private life is nobody's business anymore."
"It's one thing to try to be open and talk to people and try to share as much as I can and, and of course I want to," he said. "But at some point it becomes just really rude, you know?"
Aiken said he didn't understand the curiosity, Sawyer's included, about his sexual orientation.
"I don't understand why it's any of your business," he told Sawyer. "I don't think you're rude because I figure, you know, people have a job to do."
"I'm not spending my time with this anymore," Aiken said. "This is a waste of my time."

First off, Bitch is gay. Second, anybody who knows a gay dude remembers what he was like before he came out. Overcompensating on the hetero side trying to LOOK straight, being all adamant: "I don't know why everyone thinks I'm gay...geez..." said with a flick of the wrist.

Like I said, bitch is gay.

Gwen, Gavin, and Kingston Still Way Cuter Than the Federlines

I don't care how awesomely cute SPF2 is. He could be the second coming of Maddox and the Federline clan would have nothing on Gavin, Gwen, and their baby Kingston. They're so cute it's just over-the-top, seriously. Brit and KFed need to take lessons.

They Have Gotta be Kidding Me....

Rumor is that legendary Clive Davis, who first signed Whitney Houston in 1983, has been very worried about his friend and artist, so he enlisted the aide of Courtney Love. To counsel her on staying sober. No, stop laughing, I'm being serious here. I am. Really. Stop fucking laughing.

Love, who has gone through her own drug abuse problems and now insists she's clean and sober, jumped at the chance to help another struggling star and agreed to stage an intervention with Davis … Love and Houston have become unlikely friends and Love has (recommended) her addiction counselor Warren Boyd. (Us magazine) claims Davis is paying for (Houston’s) expensive counseling sessions.

Give me a break.


LOOK at how good she's looking! So healthy, and NORMAL. Sticking her with Courtney Love will have her snorting garden-hose-sized lines of coke again in no time. It's a shame too, I'd like to see Whitney make a comeback. She could inspire Britney to clean house of certain wigger husbands and get her ass back in shape and back to normal.

Apparently, Clive has recording plans for Whitney.

Says Davis: "She is talking enthusiastically and is articulate. We are going to make a great album. In my opinion, the best singers in the world are Aretha [Franklin] and Whitney. That's not to knock Mariah [Carey]. Mariah is a friend of mine, but I think Mariah would even say those two are the best."

Source for Whitney picture and Clive quote:
http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/09/2007-will-be-year-of-whitney.html

Chestica and Ashlee Are Doomed!

Some reverend is pissed that Papa Joe Perv ditched his life as a preacher to run his daughter's careers and boobs.

Says the angry man of God: Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness. Jessica and Ashlee will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell. They don't represent American standards and certainly not Christian standards."

I love it! Because of the sins of Papa Joe, the girls are gonna get uglier than they already are! This shit is awesome!

Bam Admits he Did Chestica. I Hope He's Been Tested.

In a roundabout way, Bam Margera admitted him and Chestica Simpson did the nasty, while she was still married to Nick Lachey. Bam was on the Howard Stern Show so of course, Stern weaseled it out of him while he and Steve-o were there promoting Jackass: Number Two.

From CityRag: Over the course of the interview Howard got Bam to reveal he spent the night with Jessica Simpson while she was with Nick! (when Dukes was filming.). While at the same time claiming the relationship got blown out of porportion, Bam coyly gave up details to confirm he slept with her. He said he bumped into her, (Steve-O - "yeah BUMPED into her") and Bam said they "wound up at her parents house drinking margarites and it went from there..." Later in the interview Bam said he "left at 8 in the morning". Howard asked Bam "Did she look good naked" and Bam's reply was that she had a personal trainer for the movie, mumble muble.. "yeah, she looked good I can't deny that."

Yeah for the sake of his new fiancee, I pray he went and got himself tested for all the major STD's, considering she also sexed up Johnny Knoxville, who apparently has himself a lovely case of the herpes.

Bindi Irwin Speaks at Her Dad's Memorial

Eight-year-old Bindi Irwin got up at her father, Steve Irwin's, memorial, and spoke of her dad.

From The Sydney Morning Herald: Smiling and reading her own tribute from a sheet of paper in front of an image of her dad, she said: "My daddy was my hero - he was always there for me when I needed him." She traced the words on the paper with a finger. "He listened to me and taught me so many things but most of all he was fun. I know that Daddy had an important job. He was working to change the world so everyone would love wildlife like he did." She said her father built a hospital and bought land to give animals a safe place to live and she wanted to continue his legacy. "I don't want Daddy's passion to ever end," she said. "I want to help endangered wildlife just like he did." Bindi said she would miss her father. "I have the best Daddy in the whole world and I will miss him every day," she said. "When I see a crocodile I will always think of him and I know that Daddy made this zoo so everyone could come and learn to love all the animals. "Daddy made this place his whole life and now it's our turn to help Daddy."

Such a sweet little girl. I feel for her. I know how it is to grow up without a parent and seriously, this kid is tough. I couldn't have done that at her age.

I saw a picture of Terri Irwin on one of the stories about the memorial, and the poor thing was just in tears. I hope she's holding up well and has plenty of support. I know my thoughts are with her and her kids.

Justin Timberlake's Ugly Girlfriend Claims Photog Tried to Run Her Over

Aw, look at the pop star trying to look all tough and protective over his pizza-faced girlfriend. And she's being all "Oh I'll hold you back, it'll make you look even tougher!"

Anyways, these pictures were snapped last night when Justin Timberlake and his ingrate girlfriend Cameron Diaz were heading to a party. They claim some photographer tried to run over their asses.

According to the actress's report, "Diaz and Justin Timberlake were leaving a friend's home when a photographer hiding in the bushes tried to take a photograph of her," Harding says. "They both then chased the photographer for a short distance.

"The photographer then got into his car and drove toward both (of) them, causing Diaz to jump out of the car's way. She felt the driver was trying to hit both of them, and so she filed the report. She's alleging assault with a deadly weapon, with a vehicle."

Harding continued, "No arrests were made. We currently have no suspects, and the investigation is ongoing."

However, the x17 Agency, employer of the accusted photographer released their own statement.

To the best of our knowledge, the pictures and video of Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz early morning on Tuesday, September 19 were taken on a public street where there was no “Private Drive” or “Private Property” sign visible. What the photographer knows he saw and what the pictures show, were at least two people verbally and physically assaulting him. Reports stating that Ms. Diaz has told police that the photographer tried to run her over with his car are completely false. The photographer was attempting to leave what he perceived to be a dangerous situation for him and when he tried to do so, Ms. Diaz and at least one other member of her entourage stood in front of his car in an attempt to entrap him. He drove around them at what he perceived to be a safe distance, as at least five members of Ms. Diaz and Mr. Timberlake’s group were yelling at him, making threats against him. The photographer is currently in the process of filing a complaint against Ms. Diaz and Mr Timberlake.

Since I don't like her and therefore don't particularly like him by default, I vote they're a bunch of liars. Just one woman's opinion.