Random Acts of Crap

Clay Aiken is gay. Yes, today I am playing Captain Obvious. - Picture: IDLYTW Story: Reuters

Still more Girls Next Door drama. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan and her father are still fighting and hating each other. - The Superficial

John McCain lied to David Letterman, and Letterman totally pwns him on his show. - DListed

David Blaine's finale of fakery. - IDLYITW

Lezzy Lohan and Sam Ronson Come Out on 'Loveline'

Hey I could think of worse ways to do it. From my source:

"Loveline" is pretty much unlistenable ever since Adam Carolla left, but something pretty good did happen Sunday night, when the host Stryker did a phone interview with Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan about Travis Barker and DJ AM. As things wrapped up, Stryker asked Lindsay, "Now, you guys, you and Samantha have been going out for how long now? Like two years? One year? Five months? Two months?" And Lindsay answered, “A long time, a very long time."

Click on the video above for audio.

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Hugh Hefner Says there's a "Transition" Happening with Holly Madison

Translation: She is quite possibly doing Criss Angel even though that rumor got shot down a while ago. Meh.

From Us Magazine:

"She is still my girlfriend," he tells Usmagazine.com in a new interview. "Now will that last? I don’t think anything lasts forever.
"I love her very much, but you know, she wants very much to get married and have children. That isn’t very much in the cards for me," he adds. "So there has to be a certain reality there. And I’m sure the time will come when she’ll be dating others. That’s part of the transition."

Anywho. Apparently Holly and King of the Douchenozzles were spotted in Vegas together over the weekend, so perhaps this rumor has some weight after all. Once again, Hef to Criss Angel = DOWNGRADE. Sorry, Holly.

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Random Acts of Crap

Jenna Jameson confirms she's having twins on her MySpace blog. Of course she's having twins. I'm just surprised its only two babies. God knows that vagina could fit a whole herd a kids up there. She could outdo Brangelina with one sneeze. - IDLYITW

David Blaine is still full of shit. - MollyGood

Amy Winehouse's husband would rather stay in jail than stay at his mother's or go to rehab. Color me shocked. - DListed

Breastfeeding pictures might be out somewhere of Jamie Lynn Spears feeding her baby. Because she's underage, this might get some Walmart employees in very deep poop. - IDLYITW

Dane Cook is appealing his eviction from his apartment because he has a right to live there. Why, you ask? Because the building that he lives in, John Belushi and Steve Martin once lived there. Don't ask me how this makes sense legally, but I'm sure he'll make it work. - DListed

Travis Barker and DJ AM Only Survivors of a Plane Crash

Travis Barker, former drummer for the band Blink 182 and DJ AM are in critical condition at a hospital after surviving a plane crash in South Carolina. They were the only survivors. The two pilots, Travis' assistant Chris Baker, and Travis' bodyguard Charles Still did not survive.

From Yahoo News:

Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker and celebrity disc jockey DJ AM are expected to fully recover from burns they suffered in a fiery South Carolina jet crash that killed the other four people aboard, one of their doctors said Sunday. Dr. Fred Mullins, medical director of the Joseph M. Still Burn Center, said the two suffered second- and third-degree burns but had no other injuries from the crash that one witness described as a fireball shooting across a highway. "Anybody who can survive a plane crash is pretty lucky," Mullins told reporters during a news conference Sunday morning. Barker was burned on his torso and lower body and DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Goldstein, was burned on an arm and a portion of his scalp, according to a statement from the musicians' families released by the hospital. Mullins declined to discuss specific recovery times for the men, but said such injuries can take a year to fully heal. Both men are still in critical but stable condition, he said."

I heard Shanna flew in to be with Travis. My thoughts and prayers go out to the friends and family to everyone involved, especially to those who passed away. Hopefully Travis and DJ AM make a full recovery.

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Random Acts of Crap

Things that make you want to poke out your eardrums with a Q-Tip: Josh Groban butchering the hell out of your favorite TV show theme songs at the Emmys. Glad I missed that one. - DListed

Protestors outside the premiere of the play All my Sons which of course stars robot wife Katie-Kate Holmes. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Myley Cyrus is a spoiled brat. - DListed

George Michael got arrested outside another public bathroom. He had drugs on him. I'm just as shocked as you are. - The Superficial

Courtney Love is Such a Lady

Aw, how cute. Glad to see someone's keeping the crack dealers in L.A. employed.

Hey dumb bitch, you found your husband's ashes yet? Or did you mistake them for coke and snort them?

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Just a Little Laugh for a Boring Ass Thursday Afternoon

Video is of Madonna falling on her tired old vadge during a show. Its definately good for a laugh, but you gotta sit through about 50 seconds of her humping her amplifier and guitar whilst pretending to play said guitar. If you can get through that without vomiting, you can see the funny shit.

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Random Acts of Crap

Some guy didn't shave his beard until the new Metallica album came out. Ew. - Seriously OMG

Parisite Hilton works really really hard. At what, I don't know. - The Superficial

Another Brangelina break-up rumor. As if Dame Goddess would allow him to go anywhere without her permission. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

Tom Cruise and his robot wife want us to know they are still in loooooove. Or something like that. - DListed

Michael Lohan compares his older daughter to Dame Goddess Angelina Jolie. About the only thing they have in common really is that Angie had a lezzy phase once too. - The Superficial

Criss Angel is Still a Douche

A rumor was rolling around that Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner's #1 girlfriend had ditched him and the mansion and the Girls Next Door show to run away with Criss Angel. This rumor was bullshit, because Criss Angel has nowhere near enough money for Holly to be leaving Hef. Duh.

But, apparently, according to my source, the rumor was started by Criss' people. Because that's what douchey fake magician assholes do. I rest my case.

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Barack Obama NOT a Lezzy Fan.

So Lezzy Lohan took to her blog to bitch about Sarah Palin the other day and proclaiming her Obama love, but he's not really feeling it.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

However, a top source in the Barack Obama team tells me the actress ''is not exactly the kind of high-profile star who would be a positive for us.''Given Lohan's past problems, plus ongoing brushes with controversy, I've learned the campaign quietly told the actress ''thanks, but no thanks,'' but in far more diplomatic terms.

Translation: "Shut the hell up, you dumb whore. Thank you."

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A Match Made in Crack Heaven

Now I see why Amy Winehouse married Blake Fielder-Civil. He's just sooooooo charming.

Ugh. I'm off to scrub my eyeballs with a Brillo pad and Comet.

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Random Acts of Crap

Brooke Hogan tucks back her penis and wears a bikini. Good job, Brooke. You ALMOST pass. - The Superficial

Will Smith denies again that's he's a part of the $cientology cult. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lezzy Lohan and Sam Ronson hate on Sarah Palin via Lezzy's MySpace blog. - The Superficial

Matthew McConaughey finished that triatholon an hour faster than JLo. Boy, she's gonna be pissed that people know that. - WWTDD

Eva Mendes has done the sexy in all 50 states. Alaska was not a good experience, incidentally. I blame Sarah Palin. - DListed

Mary Louise Parker's boobies on Weeds. - Egotastic

Reunited, and it feels so good. (Britney Spears at Starbucks.) - The Superficial

Barbara Walters Will Save the Black Folks!!!

whoopi slavery
by dollarsandsense123


Good God I know she's THE Barbara Walters, and she can get away with murder and all, but even she needs to put her foot in her stupid mouth on this one.

On her show The View, they had John McCain as a guest. They were discussing how if he wins, McCain would like to overturn Roe v. Wade and turn the power to decide on abortion over to the states and let them make that decision because he doesn't think its in the constitution or whatever. Whoopi Goldberg then asked if they were going strictly by the Constitution, would that mean she was gonna be a slave again? (Ha, I love her.) Anywho, Barbara Walters then stated "don't worry, us white folk will take care of you" to Whoopi and another African-American lady on the panel.

Oh hell. I had to watch the video to see if this was a joke, but apparently its not. Watch it, I'm telling you. Its horrid.

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Random Acts of Crap

George Takai (Mr. Sulu of Star Trek) and his partner of 21 years tie the knot. Congrats, guys! - The Superficial

Ashton Kutcher is a high school football coach. For some reason, this amuses me. - Socialite Life

Britney Spears' new album to be released December 2nd. - DListed

Jennifer Lopez competed in a triatholon. Everyone pay attention to her for a minute so she'll shut the eff up. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse is a no-show for her own birthday party. Her reason: she's too ugly to go out. She's just NOW noticing that she looks like a train wreck from hell??? - DListed

I Love Pam Anderson. Yes She's Crazy, But I'm in LOOOOOOVE!

Basically everyone who knows me in real life knows what I think of Sarah Palin, and it ain't pretty. Lets say I wouldn't invite the bitch over for cocktails.

In the past several days, many celebrities have had somewhat intelligent statements regarding the election and who they support. But my girl Pamela Anderson has made my day when she was asked to comment on McCain's armcandy/vice-presidential candidate.

From her lips to God's ears: "I can't stand her. She can suck it."

And to hear the words come from her lips:




I love you, Pam. Call me!

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How Does Hulk Hogan Know Who to Do?

Seriously, his daughter and his girlfriend are like twins. I can't tell the bitches apart. This is some creepy shit.

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Random Acts of Crap

Dannielynn turns two. Geez has it been THAT long??? - I'm Not Obsessed

Kanye West got arrested. I giggled. - DListed

Sir Paul McCartney to wed a third time? Someone needs to quickly show him a picture of the vulture ex-wife and set his ass straight. - Holy Moly

More Batman movie rumors. Since they are still merely rumors, I say "meh." - IDLYITW

Eva Longoria says she's not pregnant, just fat. Seriously, that's what she said. Sometimes these dumbasses do my job for me. - The Superficial

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson still singing country music and still sucking at it. - IDLYITW

In spite of his claims, P. Diddy Puff Daddy whateverhisnameis does not in fact, own his own private jet. - What Would Tylder Durden Do?

In more Chestica Simpson news, apparently the fans are allowing her to go to Dallas Cowboy games to cheer on her bribed boyfriend Tony Romo on one condition - she not wear a Cowboy's jersey. Goodie. - The Superficial

Is Sam Ronson gonna make Lezzy Lohan an honest lesbian? - DListed

Pamela Anderson says she is absolutely NOT dating Michael Jackson. Thank God for small favors. - Holy Moly

Random Acts of Crap

Christina Aguileria and her boobs went to the VMA's. - The Superficial

Dr. House has a bald spot. Well, he's mostly bald, really. - Daily Mail

Minnie Driver gave birth to a son. I hope like hell the daddy isn't Criss Angel because God knows we don't need another do-rag wearing asshole running around faking building escapes. - The Superficial

Speaking of that douchebag, rumor has it that Holly got sick of waiting on Hugh Hefner to make an honest woman of her and has been cheating on his old ass with Criss Angel. Talk about a downgrade. - Celebitchy

Random Acts of Crap

Chestica Simpson plays the Grand Ole Opry. Country fans still thinks she sucks, and also now thinks she dresses slutty. Well, duh. Just because she changed genres doesn't mean she still isn't gonna air out the ol' funbags. - IDLYITW

How much are the Hulgan's worth? Who cares, they're still all orange freak douchebags. - In Case You Didn't Know

Here's a rundown of the VMA's last night, in case you didn't give a shit. Don't ask me what happened because I didn't actually read any of this. - IDLYITW

Russia hates South Park. Apparently they have no sense of humor. - MollyGood

Twins for Ashlee and Pete Wentzy? - DListed

Random Acts of Crap

Photoshop meets Sarah Palin. Too bad, too. That'd be awesome. - The Superficial

Katherine Heigl frightens innocent puppies. Its true. - IDLYITW

Amy Winehouse requires 48 bottles of Jack Daniels to perform in a concert. That's just an appetizer. - What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Lilly Allen explains her "feud" with Queen Elton. I still say he wins. - DListed

What in Plastic Surgery Hell???

I am assuming this is a rumor. It just has to be. I mean, Pammy Anderson doesn't exactly have the best taste in men, but since she's mother to two young boys, I don't see her dating a [possible] pedophile.

However, the Mirror UK is reporting that she and Michael Jackson have had some sort of secret creepy love affair thing going on. Ew. I'm going to have nightmares for a week for just typing that shit out.

The odd couple seem to have bonded over their love of plastic surgery and have been hooking up in Malibu. We hear the big-boobed babe is a massive fan of Michael... and it seems the feeling is mutual. A source said: "It was all arranged by their people in total secrecy, very cloak and dagger. Michael is such a private person. He gets nervous when he thinks people are following him around, so he chose somewhere neutral for their first date. "They arrived separately at the Shutters Hotel on Malibu Beach so no one would suspect anything and then had a few drinks in the bar." The pair requested a hidden area in the corner - for two reasons. Firstly, it shielded them from any prying eyes. And second, it would have protected them from the dangerous melting effects of the Californian sunshine. After all, there's a fine line between looking hot and having a runny, bubbling face. Our source went on: "They were very chatty. Pamela was being her usual flirty self and Michael seemed to be responding. They are such a strange couple but they seemed to really hit it off." So much so Michael plucked up the courage to ask Pammy out on a second date. And she was more than happy to accept. We're told: "They went for a coffee at Country Mart in Malibu and looked very comfortable with each other. "They chatted about Michael turning 50, his new album, their kids. And he seemed genuinely interested in Pamela."

I know that's a lot to quote. But I'm skeeved out, and couldn't be arsed to read it all myself. I'm going to go soak my brain in bleach now.

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Bitchfight!

And you know who won. The QUEEN bitch, Elton John of course. He's been Queen Bitch since before Lilly Allen snorted her first line.

Anywho, Queen B co-hosted the GQ Awards in London with Lilly Allen and he was getting fed up with her drunk ass.

Allen: “And now to the most important part of the night."
Elton: “What? Are you going to have another drink?”

Woo! And apparently she didn't much like his response there, because she had one of her own: “Fuck off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!” Yeah, somehow I doubt he went home and cried into his massive piles of money over that one. To prove my point: “I could still snort you under the table.” Bah! Very true. He could probably snort HER. Seriously. Bitch had a bad habit back in the day. Allen: “Fuck off. I don't know what you are talking about.”

Riiiiiiight. I'm willing to bet my dad's Elton John collection you know exactly what he's talking about. And that's no joke. My dad would kill a bitch for messing with his Elton DVD's. I think he wants to be buried with them, I'm not sure.

Either way, Elton won.

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Random Acts of Crap

Harry Potter is not a virgin. Dumbledore would be so disappointed in him. - DListed

Jamie Lynn Spears sends baby gift to Bristol Palin. Quick! Someone tell John McCain! I'll bet he'll need his Depends changed. - The Superficial

Enzyte CEO gets 25 years for fraud. - AVN

Jason Priesley is one hairy bastard. - DListed

Parisite Hilton calls the paps "annoying." As in, "if they're not paying attention to me, they're annoying." - Pink is the New Blog

Christina Aguilera's boobs are still huge. - IDLYITW

Just a Recap

In case you forgot, Amy Winehouse defines the term "one hot mess." Here's a rundown!

She canceled a concert just hours before she was due onstage. Amy Winehouse is facing legal action after she pulled out of a concert in Paris just two hours before she was due to headline it. A statement posted on the festival website said organisers had decided to start legal proceedings against her because of the circumstances of her cancellation. “We have still not been given any explanation of the exact reasons for her absence.”

In the past year, she has OD'd twice. The singer, 24, suffered two major overdoses, with such bad convulsions that they were “like a scene from The Exorcist”. And her body is so frail from drug use that doctors were scared she would break bones during a fit.

And let's not forget, she may have brain damage.

Seriously, how much can one human body take? Or is that it? Is she not human? Because that's the only reason I can think of as to why she's not dead yet. Seriously, this zombie and Courtney Love must both be fucking aliens or something. Nobody can ingest this much heroin and still move among the living.

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Random Acts of Crap

This is Sarah Palin's future son-in-law. Says "I'm a fuckin' redneck" who likes hockey, shooting things, and not having kids. Awesome person to have associated with you when you're RUNNING FOR SECOND IN COMMAND of the fucking country. I'm voting democrat and this just cements it, nails down the coffin, and any other cliche you can fucking think of. - The Superficial

Colin Farrell saved a homeless guy. - Mollygood

Kevin Spacey sees a naked dude's ass across his lap, so what does he do? Why he grabs it of course. Hell no, he's not gay! - DListed