THERE IS A GOD!

Parisite Hilton is going to jail, and that is all you gotta say!

A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in L.A. County jail for violating her probation in a reckless driving case. Judge Michael T. Sauer handed down the harsh sentence, telling Paris she will not be allowed work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail. She must do the time!

An emotional Paris, with tears welling up in her eyes, told the judge moments before the decision "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Witnesses inside the courtroom say that Paris' parent, Rick and Kathy Hilton, were both visibly upset as the sentence was handed down. Kathy, we're told, was especially distraught.

Paris will serve her sentence at the Century Regional Detention Facility (CRDF). She will begin her sentence on June 5."

That's right, bitch! Do not pass go, do not collect jack shit. Just take your wonkey eye to jail. First Joe Francis and now this! Oh happy day!!!!

Please God, Let This be a Rumor....

Someone's making a film of the life of the legendary Freddie Mercury, late amazing frontman to the band Queen. This part is okay. The next part isn't. Supposedly, they've cast Sacha Baron Cohen as the amazing Freddie.

Says a source: "Film makers are working flat out to get the best possible script. Sacha loves the idea he can get away with playing Freddie after modeling Borat's look on him."

The film will showcase Freddie's life from his rise to fame to his death from complications from AIDS in 1991.

Someone channel Freddie. He needs to rise from the dead and bitch slap a ho for this!

One Hot Mess

This is how you ride the horsey! Look at my saddlebags! Woo!

Hee. Anywho. Britney Spears had her first live performance in three years at the Hard Rock Hotel Cafe in San Diego last night. I'm glad homegirl is trying to get her career back, but she needs to fire whoever let her perform in that getup. She did four old songs, and apparently, she sucked big time.

The comeback didn't hit a high note for everyone, some of whom paid upward of $125 a ticket. "It looked like she lip-synched her way through the whole thing," said a disappointed Morgan Segall, 20, who flew in from San Francisco for the night."

Duh. Don't most pop stars lip sync? But still. It's too bad.

She's got a couple more of these private concert thingies to do, though. Her wig didn't look half bad. (Woo! I said something nice! Everyone calm down!)

Heartless Bitch

So just when I can almost forgive Courtney Love for being a giant whore, she goes and fucks it all up.

Bitch was yapping about how she supposedly still sleeps in late husband Kurt Cobain's pajamas, but then she decides she's gonna sell off all his stuff.

"I still wear his pyjamas to bed. Howam I ever going to go form another relationship in my lifetime wearingKurt's pyjamas?

" I'm going to have a Christie's auction. My house is like a mausoleum. Mydaughter Frances doesn't need to inherit a giant bag full of flannel f***ingshirts.

"A sweater, a guitar and the lyrics to 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' - that'swhat my daughter gets. And the rest of it we'll just f***ing sell.

"Everyone's been positive and behind me on it. We'll make a lot of money andgive a bunch of it to charity."

Of course they're supportive! They're hoping you'll share some of the damn wealth. Kurt Cobain made over $50 million last year and he's dead! So all that money went to C. Love. What'd she do with that money I wonder? How is it that she was so damn broke that she had to sell 20% of the Nirvana catalog to some random music mogual? And she'd best not be selling his journals...that's just heartless...but look who we're talking about here.

And what if Frances Bean would like more than a sweater, a guitar, and some lyrics? Poor thing never got to know her dad.

Ugh. It's safe to say I hope bad things happen to this bitch. I can understand wanting to move on, but seriously. Think of your kid for once.