Pete Doherty Looks Better as a Girl

These are some pictures of Pete Doherty performing with his band, The Babyshambles in England. Honestly? He looks better as a girl. What I want to know is, where'd he get the tits?

Johnny Depp's a Nice Guy, Cameron Diaz Sucks

According to a magazine published for autograph collectors, Johnny Depp and George Clooney were the nicest about signing autographs, while Cameron Diaz and Bruce Willis are apparently ungrateful bastards.

"Many stars become bad signers once fame and fortune hits, but not Depp. He's even signed autographs for crowds at the airport while carrying luggage," said Steve Cyrkin, editor and publisher of the Santa Ana, Calif.-based magazine.
As for Clooney, "he'll joke as he signs, and make fun of how he looks in photos he's handed to autograph," Cyrkin said.
When it comes to her moniker, however, Diaz gets a flunking grade.
"Cameron Diaz may be a talented actress, but she's persistently a terrible signer. Instead of just turning down a person's autograph request, she'll lecture them about how dumb autographs are," Cyrkin said.

Wow she's a right bitch, apparently. And this just cemented Johnny Depp in the "Hot Shit" catagory. He is awesome.

X-Men Prequel in Full Effect

Apparently, the rumors about a Wolverine movie weren't bullshit. Should the new flick The Last Stand do well when it comes out, the prequel should get the green light, and Hugh Jackman is to produce.

I know I love me some Hugh, and Wolverine is the ONLY character they didn't jack up, so I would LOVE to see a movie based on him.

In case you forgot, Hugh Jackman is hot shit.

McDonald's Gets Makeover

One of the McDonald's in our area got a toned-down version of this makeover. If they did it like they're doing others, the hillbillies would spaz out. Anywho, they have some kickass lamps there I'd love to steal if they weren't glued to the fake marble table.

Looks good though.

Gwen Breaks a Finger

Somehow, Gwen Stefani broke her finger while sewing a dress. Dunno how she managed it, but oh well. She's still hot.

George Michael Needs Help

So George Michael is hot shit, but it appears he's trying to give Pete Doherty a run for his money.

On Thursday night the gay star went cruising near his home and dozed off at traffic lights in Highgate, north London.
They changed FOUR TIMES before he was woken with a start by a driver tapping on the window.
"He was sweating heavily and had his iPod on," said the driver. "That's probably why he didn't hear all the angry tooting behind him. He got going again—but was weaving all over the place. Then he hit a bollard. I doubt he even noticed it. He looked wasted. He just drove on."
George had only just got his Range Rover back after hitting three parked cars earlier this month.
In February he was cautioned by cops for possessing cannabis after being found asleep at the wheel.

Careful there, Georgie. Sleep at HOME, man.

Britney's New Nanny

So this dude is supposed to be SPF's new nanny, since Britney fired the last one for dropping him out of a high chair. He's cute, but compared to K Fed, so is Dennis Rodman.

As usual, Sean Preston looks like he's plotting revenge.

Madonna Releases Tourbook Art

I dunno I saw her last tourbook, when Eric went. It was awesome. This one just seems....meh.

Chestica and Her Pervy Dad

I'm sorry, Joe Simpson gives me the creeps. Here he is with Chestica in Manhattan last Thursday.

K Fed Brushes Off Divorce Rumors

K Fed was at a liquor store buying smokes (holy crap let's all die of shock there) and on his way out, he scoffed at photographers who asked if he and Britney were heading towards divorce.

In reality, he's thinking, "Fuck I hope not. Then who would I mooch off of???"

If you want to see a short video of him scoffing, link in title takes you to it on TMZ.com.

This Shit Rules!!!!

Link in title takes you to a video on Collegehumor.com of a improvisational comedian doing a 6 minute "History of Dance." It's AWESOME. He does Vanilla Ice, Grease, the Village People, it's hilarious.

Keane Rules

I've never heard a song that Keane does, but I'm now a fan. They had this to say about Parisite Hilton recently, after they were the musical guest on an episode of SNL that Parisite hosted:

"I basically have three enduring memories of that experience. First, her stupid little dog kept running into our dressing room and we kept booting it out, and second, she had a man, a security guard, whose only job was to carry the dog around. The other one was that she was completely unable to pronounce the name of our band. They had to dress-rehearse, like, six times. 'Ladies and gentlemen, Keanie!' Just on and on. I mean, there's no reason she should know who we are, but it's not that difficult," he told Entertainment Weekly. "And at the end, when we had the big sort of group hug, in my attempt to be kind of cool about the thing, I trod on her foot." When told the socialite is notorious for having big feet, the singer said, "Well, maybe that's what threw me. I thought there was an alligator running across the floor."

Bah! I'm in LOVE!

Lohan's Walk of Shame

So, in college, there's this thing called the "walk of shame." When you have a late night, and usually, a bad drunk fuck, and you spend the night, there's this sad embarassing walk you have to make. The one back into your dorm in the same clothes you were wearing last night. Only now they are tired, wrinkly, smelly, and probably vomit-y.

Well, you'd think when you're a celebrity, and your Walk of Shame isn't through a dorm hallway, but EVERY TV AND MAGAZINE IN AMERICA, that you'd curb that sort of behaviour.

NOT our Lindsay Lohan. Bitch has been wearing pretty much the same thing for an effing week now. These pictures are part of the proof. There's more linkage on What Would Tyler Durden Do? or www.wwttd.com. As usual, the link's in the title.

Someone needs to lay off the nosecandy though. Seriously. I hope she's at least washing that shit once in a while.

Courtney Love Struck by Lightening

There are no words for how bad Courtney Love looks here. I guess she was out shopping in L.A. or something. Did Frances Bean take a vacation day??? How did she let her mom leave the house this way??? And I was too busy laughing my ass off at her head to realize, her clothes are one hot mess too. What the hell is that dress?

James Hetfield is a Crybaby

Okay not really. I'm feeling sarcastic today.

He was honored at a Hollywood fundraiser for the MusiCares MAP Fund which provides access to addiction recovery for folks in the music industry. As some of us may know, Hetfield went to rehab during the filming of Metalica's documentary, Some Kind of Monster a couple years ago for alcohol and drug abuse. The documentary was actually really good. Some fans didn't like it, but I did. It makes you realize these legends are PEOPLE too. And it made me hate Lars even more than I already do, if that's even possible. Stupid little dwarf man.

Anywho, James Hetfield was a little teary eyed as he made a speech at the event, which was also attended by Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Motorhead singer Lemmy, lead singer and hot shit Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Metalica bandmates Lars Ulrich and Kirk Hammett.

Hetfield began his speech asking for a moment of silence "for the people who didn't make it, that aren't with us, who could be and I think should be."
He recounted the old saw that "dying is easy, living is hard," and offered his own recovery as proof that addiction is survivable.
Five years ago, things were different, he recalled, expressing gratitude to the award-winning documentary "Some Kind of Monster," which depicted Metallica's virtual dissolution as Hetfield began a lengthy rehabilitation to treat drug and alcohol abuse.
"I think that movie helped some people, and it took the black veil away, it took the mystique and the mystery out of the rock myth 'sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll,"' he said.
What a horrible statement, to me. It is a myth. And to have those things attached to music, which is the best drug in the whole f
' world, moves me like no other. And I thank God that I discovered that gift early on."

And then later:

And Velvet Revolver singer Scott Weiland dedicated the band's acoustic cover of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" to "everyone from Gram Parsons to Kurt Cobain."

I like Scott Weiland as much as the next guy, and I'll bet that cover kicked so much ass, but having Weiland at a party for sober people is like having K Fed at a party for folks who know how to use soap and condoms.

Fergie is Going to Hell

Fergie, professional fugly of the shitty group, the Black Eyed Peas, covered a bit of Guns n' Roses Sweet Child of Mine at some show. Link in title takes you to where you can see the video, but considering that song is a classic, and Fergie is an ugly talentless dog, I'd have to kill her after hearing it.

Oh yeah, the chick in the picture with the huge boobs? Who is ugly, but still not as ugly as Fergie? That's Fergie's SISTER. No shit. How does the UGLY one get famous? Wow.

Yep, Tom Cruise is Still Crazy

Link in title takes you to video of Tom Cruise on the Ellen Degeneres Show earlier today. He did the Crazy Dance but didn't show off any photos of newborn daughter, Suri. Figures. Guess the producers didn't pony up the dough.

FINALLY! Someone Pays for Me Having to Hear Lohan Sing

Thank GOD.

Take Lindsay Lohan. The teen actress was turned into a singer by Tommy Mottola, who made an interesting deal at Universal to start a label just for her. Mottola also managed Lohan, which no one questioned, and he claimed that UMG had put up $50 million to get the ball rolling. But Lohan is no singer, and no one, not even her movie fans, wanted her albums or to hear her on the radio. Nevertheless, the record company persisted. A series of e-mails in June 2005 shows what was happening - a manipulation of MTV's "Total Request Live" show that airs every afternoon and can seriously affect a new record's fortunes. UMG, according to Spitzer's reports, was spending money at radio stations and for "TRL" to "stuff the ballot box" [author's words] and turn losers into winners. The memo series is all about one subject: "We are hiring a request company starting Monday to jack TRL for Lindsay...Guys this is a no win situation how should I respond...there is no airplay we have been pursuing..."

I knew there was a reason I fucking hate TRL. Of course the fact that that tool Carson Daly started it doesn't help either. Someone gave that ass a late night show too, have you guys seen that shit? It sucks.

Oh yeah, link in the post takes you to my source, AND to a picture pointing out Lohan's really effing obvious boob job scar. You can kinda see it in the picture I posted, but the folks over at IDontLikeYouinThatWay.com did a better job at pointing it out, if you're curious like me and wanna see.

OJ Simpson is a Tasteless Asshole

I guess OJ Simpson is selling some DVD where he tries to be Ashton Kutcher and goes around playing tricks on you.

Apparently, one of his "tricks" is him trying to sell the infamous "white Bronco" at a couple used car lots. He tells one dealer:

"It was good for me - it helped me get away. It's a car that I personally made famous. The car has escapability, if you ever get into some trouble."

First of all, he didn't get away. His ass went to trial, and he fucking got off. Second of all, this just cements and gold-plates his seat in hell. Seriously. Doesn't he still owe families of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman from when he lost that wrongful death suit? He'd better be giving them the ten dollars this DVD will make him.

Prince and His New Bitches

Usually, Prince has great taste in women. The lovely lady in the swimsuit is Apollonia Kotero, from the movie Purple Rain which was so cheesy it was awesome.

But Prince has introduced his two new backup dancers and singers for his new album and tour, who call themselves The Twinz. And they are some weird looking bitches:

Yes, they so look like pre-surgery trannies. They helped Prince welcome the 18 winners in his "Purple Ticket" contest. He'd hidden 18 purple tickets in his new album Willy Wonka style, and the winners were treated to a party at his house.

Youngest Mother in Britian is Dumb

I used that picture because when I did a Google Image search for "pregnancy clip art" all I got was naked pregnant women. Ew. So I figured I'd put another glorious mom moment up there. Why not.

An anonymous girl is set to be Britian's youngest mother, and not only is SHE dumb, but the grandma-to-be is dumb as shit too. The girl is 11, and will be 12 when she has her baby. She smokes and drinks, and doesn't think it'll hurt the baby. Apparently, she concieved the baby when she was drunk. This kid makes Britney Spears look like mother of the year:

She also conceived the child during a drunken night out with a 15-year-old-boy. The boy in question is currently facing statutory rape charges.Her 34-year-old mother, who gave birth to her youngest child eight months ago, said she was 'proud' of her daughter. The youngster, who lives near Edinburgh, says looking after her younger brothers has prepared her for motherhood.
But the girl admits she "panics and cries" when babies are unwell and does not feel able to bathe them.She told the Sun: "I didn't think I'd get pregnant because it was my first time. But I'm really excited and looking forward to being a mum.
"I can't wait to take the baby swimming and out for walks in the pram. I think I'll be able to cope as I've had lots of practice looking after my brothers.
"I know how to feed a baby its bottle and I can change nappies. But I panic and cry if they're sick and I don't like giving them a bath because I'm a bit frightened.
"It's good to know I'll have my mum here to help me if I need her."The girl, who has shoulder-length dark hair, began smoking at nine and started drinking tonic wine and vodka cocktails at ten. She claimed her cigarette habit was not harming the health of her unborn child.
She said: "I can give up smoking at any time, but I don't find it affects my pregnancy."
The girl, whose parents split up several years ago, said she would like a baby boy - and may call him Leo.

Yeah, I hope the British equivelient to our DFS take a look into that one. It doesn't look good for that baby.

Richie Sambora Dumps Denise Richards?

Supposedly, according to In Touch magazine, Richie Sambora has ended things with Denise Richards because he feels bad for his soon-to-be-ex-wife Heather Locklear, and for their daughter Ava.

Now, if Sambora wasn't cheating on Heather like he claims, then he shouldn't give a shit what she thinks. But maybe Ava's confused, she's still young.

Either way, I'm starting to not care about this whole thing, so yeah. Woo.

Paris Hilton is Still an Idiot

If Paris Hilton's family didn't have a bajillion dollars laying around, Paris would totally be homeless or dead. Because if she didn't have minions to open doors for her, she'd never be able to figure it out.

Someone's making some video game based on her life, and the video game is called Paris Hilton's Jewel Jam. I assume the object of the game is to screw as many men as possible while keeping that vapid "I never eat" expression on her face, I don't know.

Anyways, she showed up at the Electronic Entertainment Expo yesterday, and said this:

"Sorry I'm late," the heiress said. "I'm really excited to have my new video game, 'Diamondquest.' Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game," she said.

In case you weren't paying attention, the reason why this is hilariously freaking funny is because her game is called Jewel Jam. Doesn't even rhyme with 'Diamondquest.' Wow, how do you screw THAT up?

Tom Cruise Can't Open Car Doors

Link in title shows TomKat's arrival to the red carpet for the premiere of Mission: Impossible 3 last week. The car is a $1.3 million Bugatti Veyron, and when Crazy Cruise tries to be all nice and open the door for Katie-Kate, he can't figure that shit out.

The scientologists pay him off to be their psychotic spokesbitch, but the dwarf can't even open a car door. Niiiiice.

Star Jones Has Fans?!?!?!?!

Apparently, Star Jones HAS fans. Sadly, they are all of the homophobic, crazy variety. The freaks approached her at the Kentucky Derby and showed their support for Jones:

"How dare she talk about you and your weight?" one matronly fan told Jones Reynolds, according to a Lowdown spy. "She didn't want anyone talking about her when she was pretending to be straight."

Another woman added: "I'm from Arkansas and I watched her show every day. I loved her until she became that mean, raging lesbian. God's going to get her."

A third chimed in: "It's despicable that they are allowing her to promote that stuff on 'The View' now. I won't be watching anymore. At least Ellen [DeGeneres] is tasteful about it."

O'Donnell's PR rep told me, "Rosie never denied she's gay," and otherwise dismissed the complaints. "Everyone is interested in how the show will be in September — the women in flowery hats at the Derby included."

Aw, Star, people love you. Although, these fans need to realize their idol is married to a gay dude. Since they hate the homos so much.

I'm still rooting for an O'Donnell v. Jones cage match. I want ringside seats, man.

Tom Cruise to Show Off Suri Pictures

Apparently, Tom Cruise is to be on the Ellen DeGeneres Show tomorrow, and he plans on showing some pictures of his baby daughter Suri while he's there, on air. He was originally pimping out his newborn daughter to the press for the highest bidder, but Katie-Kate must still have part of her soul left, and she must've convined him otherwise.

I'll be at work tomorrow, but I would LOVE to watch that shit. SOME DO SCREEN CAPS, PLEASE!

Chestica Thinks Nick's an Idiot

Apparently, Chestica's had a makeover, because she wants to look hot to get back at Nick Lachey. Don't ask me why, considering, SHE is the one who wanted to get away from him.

“Jess decided on a complete transformation as a way of fighting back,” a “family friend” told Life & Style Weekly. “She’s saying to Nick, ‘Here’s a whole new me — and don’t I look good!’ ”


Nick must like his women orange and saggy.

Ashlee Simpson Thinks We're Stupid

People mag asked Ashlee Simpson about her nosejob. She tried to deny it:

"Everybody's already saying it, so I just don't talk about it. I'm like, okay, whatever. It doesn't bother me."

Give me a break. When pressed on the subject she said:

"Maybe," she said. "Who knows!"

She's totally trying to surgery turn herself into her sister. Ew.

Teri Hatcher is Scary

Here is Teri Hatcher out promoting her new book Burnt Toast. Why she thinks causing small children to cry with that facial expression will help sales, I don't know.

Danny Masterson's a Perv

Danny Masterson stole this jacket from Michael Jackson's "Peek-a-Boo" closet. Which is why I'm more worried about the flasher move than a psychologist. Psychologists have all the good pills, Danny! Oh wait, that's what they DON'T like. Now I remember why I hate that cult....

Britney Planning a Suprise Divorce??

Well geez it's not a fucking suprise now, is it?

Supposedly, she's met with lawyers and her family, and talked about divorce, but not met with KFed. The plan is allegedly to get everything drawn up, then dump it on him when he's not expecting it. Which is hilarious.

Of course her spokeswhore is issuing the standard denial to that shit. There's an insider who doesn't talk about divorce, but saying that Brit Brit's putting her foot down.

“She’s not going to let him make her feel like a guest in her own home anymore,” the insider said. “The new rules include no smoking or drinking, since secondhand smoke is bad for the kids.”

The two are, however, also reportedly having happier disagreements: over what to call the second baby. As Spears has confirmed, she's pregnant with another child, rumored to be a girl.

Federline wants to name the baby Julia after his mom, according to In Touch Weekly, but Britney would rather name the baby Lillian after her own maternal grandmother. “She also likes the names Emily and Lola,” says a friend.

It could be worse. They could name the kid Alabama or Africa.