Tom Cruise Infects Another Innocent

27-year-old Kevin McCoy won a contest to have a private screening of Mission: Impossible 3 for him and friends. So of course, Crazy McCruise and Katie-Kate hauled ass to Aberdeen, Washington to meet the kid.

Only part of the article that amazes me is this:

Asked by PEOPLE where was the baby, Holmes replied: "She's home."

SHE SPEAKS! HE ALLOWED HER TO SPEAK!

Bruce Willis is Gay

Apparently, Bruce Willis isn't all man after all.

He was filming the movie Perfect Stranger with Halle Berry, who is very smokin' hot, and was a no-show on the day they had to film a sex scene. Willis backed out, apparently he sees her as a "beautiful eclipse of the sun" or some shit and couldn't do it.

So being the professional she is, Halle did it solo, and they used computers to make it look like her and Bruce we're gettin' it on.

Give me a break.

Chestica Gets Dumped Again

Oh I was waiting for this. This is awesome.

After more than two years as Jessica Simpson’s personal assistant, CaCee Cobb finally told her childhood friend that she wanted out. On May 7, Cobb celebrated her last day on the job with friends at Arnie Morton’s Steakhouse in L.A. Fighting tears, Simpson, 25, raised her glass and said to Cobb, “You are my best friend. I will be your best friend forever.” Simpson’s rep confirms the professional parting of ways to Us, “It’s true. They remain close.”

Bah professional my ass. Wait til Chestica finds out she's been screwing Nick Lachey. It'll be catfight city, and you can bet I'll be in the front row, catching handfulls of hair.

Anybody watch that Newlyweds shit but me? Who remembers this?

They totally did it.

Brad Pitt Out of Oceans 13???

As we all know, Brad Pitt is enslaved to Dame Goddess Angelina in Africa somewhere. Filming for Oceans 13 is to start soon, and Brad hasn't officially signed onto the project. Word is that George Clooney, Mr. Hot Shit himself, is wigging out.

A source said: "“Brad hasn't been able to confirm 100 per cent that he will be available– and that's making George very anxious.
"“His best pal is out of the country and looking forward to being a dad for the first time. But the movie is only weeks away now.
"“Instead of being there to work on the project, Brad is in the middle of Africa. People are worried he will prefer to carry on being a dad rather then go back to work."

Depends on how nice Dame Goddess is feeling that day. She may allow it, she may not. You know how she can be. But if anybody can convince her, it's George Clooney. As I've mentioned several times, he's hot shit, and his sexiness level is pretty damn close to Angie's.

David Blaine was Unconscious

They're now saying David Blaine was unconsious and having convulsions when they pulled his ass from the water. So he did in fact, nearly die.

Blaine is still all peeved that he didn't break the record, and feels like he let people down. I read somewhere he's thinking of trying it again, only without spending a week maranating the next time. Yeah, I still don't see it happening. Bitch's got a death wish.

FINALLY!!!!

Finally, Britney Spears confirms she's knocked up again. She didn't announce she was dumping K Fed on his ass, but there's still hope.

She was on Letterman last night and dropped the bomb.

Pop star Britney Spears told late-night talk show host David Letterman she's pregnant again.
"Don't worry, Dave, it's not yours," Spears told the comedian in a taping of his CBS show airing Tuesday night.
Letterman responded, "Oh. Well, I think that's good news for both of us."
After Spears read the show's Top Ten list, Letterman asked, "So, we've established now that you are in fact pregnant, is that right?"
Spears answered: "Yes, sir."

Britney and her nasty husband K Fed have a baby already, Sean Preston who will be a year old in September. Folks have been guessing by when she started showing that this baby will be due around SP's first birthday.

Sean Preston is Pimped

You know he's totally Stewie from Family Guy in human form.

"As soon as I can walk, you all will fear me!"

Chestica Tries to Kill Her Dog

Chestica was at LAX and nearly stuck her dog, Daisy, on the xray machine conveyor belt. She's that special kind of stupid you only HEAR about in medical journals.

Someone Say 'Trent Reznor'?

I knew about this already, but when I see the name Trent Reznor, my heart just goes all a-flutter.

Reznor produced the upcoming album for Saul Williams, who kicks so much ass, and you'd already know this if you saw a Nine Inch Nails show this past year. Williams' new album should drop sometime in 2007.

Reznor is still fucking sexy, in case you were wondering.

I Should've Seen This One Coming

Tom Cruise's fellow cult members-I mean SCIENTOLOGISTS-have been buying up hundreds of tickets to Mission: Impossible 3 since it's box office earnings were not what they were expected to be.

Ah, why did we worry? We should've known his little slaves would make him look good. I don't care what they do. You can rest assure that I won't be seeing that piece of crap. The commercials have come on proclaiming such wonderful reviews for this movie, but every review I've read has said it was pretty damn mediocre, and the first two were WAY better. Methinks some Scientologists have also been paying off some of the reviewer guys. I wouldn't put it past them.

JLo Looks Bad

JLo showed up at a Time magazine event looking a hot mess. When you see the first picture, you're probably thinking "Oh that's not bad. Her hair's just kinda weird." Then you see the picture of her and her zombie husband and realize that isn't a dress, it's just a Kmart bedsheet with a big-ass belt tied around it.

Lohan Gives a Good Shout-Out on TRL Yesterday!

Lindsay Lohan was on TRL yesterday, and gave a shout-out to Trent, author of Pink is the New Blog which was my inspiration. Trent is hot shit man.

George Michael is the Shit

IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com just has a way of digging out the videos that I haven't seen in SO long, but I LOVE. The other day, we had Guns n' Roses. Today, we have George Michael's Freedom.

Link in title takes you to the video, and it is the shit. I've been listening to it and dancing around in my office like an idiot all morning. Join in so I don't feel so stupid.

Oh yeah, Naomi Campbell is in this video, and she doesn't beat anyone up.

Chestica's Not Talking to Nick Anymore

Because of some of the comments Nick Lachey has made alluding to the fact that Chestica MIGHT have not been faithful in their marriage, she's all mad, and not talking to him anymore.

Reality has finally set in for Jessica Simpson, it would appear, now that ex-Nick Lachey has admitted publicly that he questioned her fidelity and desire to repair their troubled marriage.

Life & Style Weekly learned from a friend of Simpson that she "...doesn't want Nick in her life" any more due to comments in made in recent interviews regarding his young wife's relationships with other men, and accusing her of refusing to attend marriage counselling, opting instead for divorce.

Oh good God. She's an idiot. According to the article, she says:

"Now everyone is looking at me like I'm a whore. I wouldn't care that much if things hadn't been going well between us lately. But from now on, I will not talk to him."

Chestica? Dear? Lean in closely to me, and LISTEN:

YOU ARE A WHORE!

Ahem. We knew it BEFORE Nick said anything. And he didn't even say "Hey she's a giant whore." He refused to even really talk about the fact that you MIGHT HAVE cheated. Just said he'd rather not know. The rest of us are nodding and saying "Sorry kiddo, she tottally did it." But he's been taking the high road. If you have ANYONE to blame for us calling you a whore, it's YOUR OWN actions. Oh, and your pervy dad, because blaming him for things is fun.

Wax Celine Unveiled in Honor of Her 500th Show in Vegas

And her husband Rene Angelil is so having dirty thoughts in that picture.

So the wax Celine is wearing that honkin' huge necklace from that shitty movie. Anybody see the Oscars that year? She was belting out that piece of crap song My Heart Will Go On and tried to punch that sucker through her chest. It was funny, and painful, to watch.

Madonna is My Idol

Link in title takes you to some vintage Madonna bringing the bitch to an interview. Turn the fan on, you inconsiderate fuckers!

Wow Gay Al Dropped the Ball on THIS One

I don't know about you girls, but when I went out with my gay friends, they would have NEVER let us look like THIS.

Shame on you, Al! Day-um!

Well, speaking of Star Jones, apparently, her ass if off The View. Which makes me laugh with glee, even though I was looking forward to her sparring with Rosie O'Donnell.

ABC will announce this week that the big-boned talking head is out at "The View," a source close to the inner workings of the late-morning gabfest tells Page Six. What network brass won't say is that she's being unceremoniously ousted at the direct behest of the show's grand dame Barbara Walters and the incoming Rosie O'Donnell.

"It was always Rosie's condition of joining the show, and Barbara agreed to those conditions from the outset," our source said. The network and Jones are now concocting a face-saving scenario in which Jones will be touted as moving on to pursue important new projects.

Jones' camp yesterday denied the blustery babbler is going anywhere. "It's 100 percent not true. Where are you hearing this?" a rep for Jones said. A "View" flack echoed that. But those denials come on the heels of reports that Oprah Winfrey's best friend, Gayle King, may be in line to take over Jones' chair on the kitschy coffee klatch.

So I guess Barbra Walters couldn't stand her ass anymore. Woo! Good riddance!

Source about The View: http://dlisted.blogspot.com/2006/05/fall-of-star.html

Chestica's a Bad Drag Queen

Apparently that God-awful orange get-up Chestica was rockin' the other night was partially fake. She was wearing a wig. She was still ugly. My best friend Eric used to do drag, and even he wouldn't wear that shit on a dare.

Brooke Burke and Creepy Guy Break Up

If you remember that dorky ad series involving that creepy Burger King Dude and Brooke Burke as his girlfriend, apparently, the fictional couple have parted ways. Good riddance. That dude gives me nightmares.

Tori Spelling Knocked Up??

I reported yesterday about the rumor that Tori Spelling and her duped boyfriend Dylan McDermott got married, therefore are on their way to divorce. Rumor has it, Spelling was seen shopping for cribs, and is knocked up.

What I want to know is, who the eff ISN'T pregnant?

David Blaine Fails to Break Record, But he's Still Alive, Still Hot Shit

David Blaine got himself about 150 pounds of chains on his hands and feet, and they stuck his ass back in that sphere, and was able to hold his breath for about 7 minutes, 8 seconds, as well as getting his hands free, before blacking out. Paramedics freed him, and took his ass to the hospital to run some tests on him. He was released today.

After being released and given oxygen, he addressed the crowd:

“I am humbled so much by the support of everyone from New York City and from all over the world,” Blaine said. “This was a very difficult week, but you all made it fly by with your strong support and your energy.”

Aw. The stunt apparently took a real toll on his body. Dr. Murat Gunel, who heads up Blaine's medical team, says he suffered liver damage, pins and needles in his feet and hands, some loss of sensation and rashes. He also said they'd talk more about his medical condtion in a press conference later today.

It's too bad he didn't make the record, but 9 minutes is a long ass time to go without air. Glad he survived, and hope there's no long-term medical problems form it. Conrats, David Blaine, you are hot shit!

Chestica is Orange

Chestica Simpson showed up at the NCLR ALMA Awards looking like one hot mess. I know her hairdresser is her best friend since Cacee Cobb decided to go bone her ex-husband and all, but seriously. She let that man do her hair this way? Not only is it sorta red, which makes her orange skin worse, someone let her dumb ass leave the house in a tangerine dress. So she looks orange, head to toe. And to top it off, that dress does weird things to her tits. You look at her from the front, her boobs look smushed and painful. Look at the side, and they're all saggy. Someone needs to go back to her boobie doctor to get that fixed.

One. Hot. Mess. That is all.

Gwen and Gavin Go Shopping

Link in title takes you to a story on TMZ.com where there's a little video of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale doing some furniture shopping.

They look around a little bit, Gavin puts his arm around her because he's so nice and all. Then he grabs this saw that he holds towards the window where the photographers are. He's probably trying to look threatening, but because he's hot shit, it doesn't work so well.

Gwen looks EXAUSTED. Poor thing's ready to pop. That baby and the Brangelina baby I CANNOT WAIT to see. Such good genes.

David Blaine Will Emerge!!!

Tonight is that TV special wherein David Blaine will emerge, only to get chained up and tossed back in his water sphere to hold his breath for 9 minutes, which will break the world record.

First of all, that water must be pretty well nasty by now. Even though he had a little pee bag and all, still, a sweaty male maranating in there all week, it's probaly pretty funky.

Secondly, hope he doesn't die in his breath-holding stunt. He's kinda hot shit when he's not all pruney.

GWB's Favorite Part of his Presidency Thus Far

Aw, doesn't he look like a pissy 5-year-old in that picture? How nice.

Anyways, someone asked him what his favorite part of his presidency has been thus far. Dubya had this to say:

"You know, I've experienced many great moments and it's hard to name the best. I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound perch in my lake."

Wow. That's fucking retarded. Not "helping make peace in the middle east" or "making my oil buddies buttloads of money by hiking up gas prices and bombing the middle east" but catching a fucking fish? We're in trouble, folks. He's dumber than we thought.

He did admit that 9/11 was his worst point, especially after seeing the infamous "My Pet Goat" picture.

"In such a situation it takes a while before one understands what is happening. I would say that this was the hardest moment, once I had the real picture before my eyes."

Yeah that was really shitty.

Congrats to Adam Sandler and Wife Jackie

Adam Sandler and his wife Jackie have welcomed a new baby over the weekend. He posted this on his site:

"Kid is healthy! Wife is healthy!"

He didn't say what they had, but a source says they had a girl. Congrats to them! I'll bet having Adam Sandler as a dad would be pretty cool.

Britney Puts her Foot Down

I guess Britney Spears didn't want to spend this pregnancy sitting on her fat ass whilst husband K Fed partied around with his stupid buddies hitting on strippers and shooting BB Guns.

BRITNEY Spears is pregnant and depressed - and she's not in any mood to let free-spending hubby Kevin Federline take off to have fun in Las Vegas with his posse. "Kevin asked Britney for money to go to Las Vegas in two weeks, and she shut him down," our insider said. "Britney told him that she won't be funding his trips with his friends any longer - he used to fly everyone out on her dime. The monthly allowance she had put him on seems to be disappearing after only one week."

Bah! Finally she's learning. Sorta. She's still married to the stinkfest, afterall.

Tori Spelling and Dylan McDermott Get Married. Countdown to Divorce #2 Begins

Supposedly they got hitched in Fiji. Where Keith Richards fell on his head. Well, the same country, I'm sure they didn't married under the tree he fell out of, although that'd be hilarious.

But anyways, bitch didn't learn her lesson the first time, and she's only barely legally divorced. I can't wait for the breakup considering this dumbass Dylan McDermott has her shit tattooed all over him. This will be funny.

Melissa Joan Hart Tries Way Too Hard

Here's Melissa Joan Hart trying desperately to look sexy with her husband. It's not really working, although her husband is kinda hot.

Vin Diesel Takes his Hot Ass to T-Mobile

Some people think he's doofy looking, or that he can't act. But they are WRONG! Me, I could care less. The man could stand there, reading a cereal box and I'm a happy camper. He's hot shit.

Looks like Vin Diesel needed a new cell phone. Wonder which one he got?

Update on Crazy McCraziness

In case you are in doubt (you know, like ME) here's a picture of TomKat strolling around, with Katie-Kate making sure to show off her nursing bra. AND with a vapid, brainwashed stupid look on her face to top it off.

In other batshit-crazy news, while Mission: Impossible 3 was #1 at the box office this weekend, it made considerably less than the two M:I films before it. Obviously, there is talk that the fact that Tom Cruise is effing nuts has something to do with it. I know I can't look at that man without thinking about him leaping on couches trying to kill Oprah Winfrey or getting that sick mental image of him growling and chewing on a raw placenta in my mind. So therefore, no Mission: Impossible pour moi.

Source for that: http://boxofficemojo.com/news/?id=2061&p=.htm

Also, Tom Cruise who loves his baby daughter SOOOO much that he wants to whore her photos out for cash, supposedly, he's found a buyer for more than a million bucks. So I guess soon we'll have photos of the alien baby, Suri.

Source for that: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/article/ds32565.html

Wanted to condense the crazy news into one post for ya'll today. :-)

New Tori Site Launching

Michael Whitehead has retired The Dent as of the beginning of this month, but apparently, in the wake of his absence, another site is to launch at some poit this month called Undented. Michael is supposed to be a guest editor from time to time, so I think this will really fill the void for us Tori Amos fans! Woo!

Axl Rose WAS Hot Shit

Back in the day, Axl Rose wasn't bad. I'd hit it. Of course now, he's a bloated, ugly, dreadlocked asshole, but it's nice to remember him this way.

Link in title takes you to a YouTube of the video for Sweet Child of Mine which is a song that kicks so much ass. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday George Clooney!!!

He's hot shit, he's my Dr. Ross, he turns 45 today. Happy Birthday Georgie! Do me a favor, 'k? Stay the eff away from Teri Snatcher for a while. Find ya some hot chick.

Speaking of hotness, I'm so gonna go home and watch From Dusk Til Dawn because no only is Tarantino a part of that movie, Clooney is extra special hot shit in that with that tattoo and all.

TMI

I assume that little boy was curious, and asked David Blaine how he pees, because little kids wonder about that shit, but seriously, why did someone have to take a picture of him waving around his piss bag??? Ew, man.